Those who have been abused by narcissists who lack empathy and kindness might be interested in the dynamics behind why you spent so many years shrinking from developing your authentic personality.
I think that it is possible that your personality was never completely destroyed, just hidden until you could get away from the narcissist. There is a time of healing that needs to occur before our true self can emerge boldly with strength.
It is quite possible that the narcs saw your personality and were jealous, attempting to destroy you to become superior in their own minds.
You never wanted to be superior, just loved, but they wanted to be elevated in everyone's eyes and could not tolerate the one who was authentic and confident about their convictions. Therefore they set out to intimidate the rational thinking one into silence, making them look weak.
Have you ever entered a situation in which "group think" dominated the conversations? In these gatherings, there was only one way to think and that was the way the narcissist dictated to the group.
If anyone dared to be different or express an opposing opinion they were quickly and summarily squashed with voices exhibiting a "range boss" tone to subdue those who do not fall in line with the narcissist.
Those in the room who saw the narcissist's rage in their customary way of dominating others would agree with the narcissist to remain on his/her good side. Even those who might not appreciate how the narcissist acts will remain silent or falsely agree with him out of fear of reprisal.
It is an astonishing thing to watch when the narcissist becomes angry that you dared to think differently, the rest of the flying monkeys in the room would assume and presume that you had done something wrong because the narcissist was angry.
"Group thinkers" never evaluate what has happened, they merely take the side of the dominating leader, even if that leader has been unreasonable and irrational. They assume and presume that angry people are made that way by others. They do not understand that people who become easily angered are people who are angry in their hearts all the time waiting for an excuse to display it.
We are living in a world full of "group think" and "irrational responses" to perfectly reasonable and rational ideas of the Spiritual person.
When we become bold in Christ, allowing ourselves to have the beliefs we have based on the Bible, while enjoying the personality God has given to us, we do not fear the irrational actions or words from those who want to diminish us thereby diminishing Christ Who lives in us. The narcissist thinks they are after us but they are really after Christ Who lives in us.
What a joy to know that God does our fighting for us, we need not defend ourselves or explain ourselves, we can boldly speak our mind through the power of the Holy Spirit and leave the irrational responses to God.
The tactic of the devil is to cause the narcissist to rage at us so that we will lose our witness by raging back in defense of ourselves.
Romans 12:19
"Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”
When we are in the company of wicked people who poke at us we know that it is the work of the devil, do not engage with them.
The less we give in to our feelings the fewer of them we have toward the attacks. Our feelings will diminish our walk, our responses, and our character, we must ignore them and pay close attention to the truth.
When we know the tactics of the devil and his purposes in sending the narcissist to do his dirty work we don't have to feel anything except pity for the one who is trapped in their angry insecure body with the devil as their tormentor.
Pray for the narcissist who has been in your life but do not be friends with them. Our love can be in our prayers not as companions to them.
Titus 3:10
"As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him,"
God has the best advice, we can trust Him, the more we do the less we are intimidated by those who are used by the devil to attack us.
Hallelujah!
