When there is continual emotional or physical abuse and we do not object to it, we are ultimately accepting the abusive behavior and showing the abuser that he doesn't have to change and that others should put up with him. This abusiveness is in the church today as the pressure increases to forgive the unrepentant evil person, while the abused one is left without advocates or comfort from the brethren.
If we have God's love, we warn those who walk disobediently, if they do not listen and change their behavior, then we walk away to protect ourselves and to allow them to reflect, perhaps God will work on them without us.
2 Timothy 4:2-3 "2 Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and encourage with every form of patient instruction. 3 For the time will come when men will not tolerate sound doctrine, but with itching ears they will gather around themselves teachers to suit their own desires.…"
The gospel is not to make people feel happy about themselves, but to convict of sin so that the abuser will see their need for Christ, be cleansed by Him and on their way to heaven.
Today's love is not based on truth, but on lies to manipulate people into feeling good about themselves. If we cause people to feel good about themselves then we are disobeying God.
Proverbs 26:24-28
"Whoever hates disguises himself with his lips and harbors deceit in his heart; when he speaks graciously, believe him not, for there are seven abominations in his heart; though his hatred be covered with deception, his wickedness will be exposed in the assembly. Whoever digs a pit will fall into it, and a stone will come back on him who starts it rolling. A lying tongue hates its victims, and a flattering mouth works ruin."
Our love does not seek to make people happy nor to cause them to like us, it is designed to bring the sinner to the end of themselves to seek Christ and be healed of their sinful nature.
Proverbs 29:5
"A man who flatters his neighbor spreads a net for his feet."
We love people too much to work to cause pride in them. Encouragement to obey Christ is the greatest help we can be to anyone, anything else is self serving and destructive to both the preacher and the offender.
Jude 1:16
"These are grumblers, malcontents, following their own sinful desires; they are loud-mouthed boasters, showing favoritism to gain advantage."
There are many people who seek to praise those they wish to elevate, growing in pride and self indulgent thinking, those they praise are their gods. When we see this happening we know their god is no longer Christ, or they would elevate no man.
We love all people but we elevate no one. Everyone is a sinner in need of salvation, even those who have become born again are not special, only Christ in them is special.
When someone has an idol in the form of a hero, speaking of them more than they do of Christ, it is a clue of where their heart is, the need to have an idol is deeply in their heart. Associating with "special people" is a way of living life vicariously through that special person, it manages to elevate self to have heroes.
When we are completely invested in Christ every day, we have no need for human heroes, Christ is all that we need. Love people, yes, but do not put anyone on a pedestal as if they can do no wrong.
Many people these days have heroes, they actually believe these heroes are perfect, sadly though, these same people act as if, since someone is a special person, all others who don't live up to their idea of a hero are worthy of contempt.
It reminds me of the flawed thinking that if someone has a perceived flaw, imagined or real, they are all bad, but if someone has a good trait, they are perfect without any flaws.
This black and white thinking causes favoritism that is damaging to relationships as well as destroying the Christian witness. People who think in these black and white terms can never love people, they will only love the ones they think are perfect and even then when that perfect person disappoints them, they turn those people into "all bad" in their own minds.
The "special people" get praise and attention, while the "imperfect people" are treated with contempt in various ways, through subtle ignoring, devaluing them, mocking everything they do to make sure they know how inadequate they are. The terms for this in our generation are the "golden child" who can do no wrong and the "scapegoat" child who can do no right.
The term child does not refer only to children, it is a term used for adults as well as children. In families, however there is often the scapegoat child who is ignored or abused, while the golden child is praised and given all the attention.
Abuse comes in many forms, even in devaluing the scapegoat through subtle ignoring, pretending they are not in the room or never praising them when they do well, even denigrating everything they do. The children or adults who are treated this way, often move through life believing no one has any reason to love them, while the golden child feels love and attention is owed to them, even raging when they don't get it.
The scapegoat child is better off in some ways because they expect to be treated with contempt, they learn to live with it and even become stronger because they must make their own way. Scapegoats often do better than golden children because they know they must work harder to obtain affirmation.
The golden child is continually in bondage to their insatiable need for attention and validation, they do not seem to be able to progress in life. They are always seeking those they can mock and demean to maintain their sense of superiority, love of self comes above everyone and everything else.
Golden children can be productive in work and career, but they leave a wake of devastation behind them in relationships. Unless they are above everyone else, they are unhappy.
Welcome to our world, the increase in narcissism, self love is growing exponentially, unabated by lack of rebuke or correction by others. In fact in our culture today these devilish traits of self worship are being encouraged and validated by nearly everyone in the culture with few exceptions.
2 Timothy 3
"3 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come.
2 For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy,
3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good,
4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God,
5 holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these.
6 For among them are those who enter into households and captivate weak women weighed down with sins, led on by various impulses,
7 always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.
8 Just as Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses, so these men also oppose the truth, men of depraved mind, rejected in regard to the faith.
9 But they will not make further progress; for their folly will be obvious to all, just as Jannes’s and Jambres’s folly was also.
10 Now you followed my teaching, conduct, purpose, faith, patience, love, perseverance,
11 persecutions, and sufferings, such as happened to me at Antioch, at Iconium and at Lystra; what persecutions I endured, and out of them all the Lord rescued me!
12 Indeed, all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will be persecuted.
13 But evil men and impostors will proceed from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived.
14 You, however, continue in the things you have learned and become convinced of, knowing from whom you have learned them, 15 and that from childhood you have known the sacred writings which are able to give you the wisdom that leads to salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.
16 All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness;
17 so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work."
