The act just proves what was in the heart that no one could see. So, do we divorce someone for what is in the heart? No, and we do not divorce them for their acts either. We remain committed to them with the prayer that they will repent.
Many people have committed adultery without ever doing the act, just as Christ Himself said based on their heart.
I am convinced there is not one person alive today who could claim they never pondered someone other than their spouse for a minute longer than they should.
Come on now brothers and sisters, raise your hand if you have never lusted after someone in your entire life! What? No hands going up?
If anyone told me they have never done it then I would not believe them.
Matthew 5:27-28 "27 You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman to lust after her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. "
By the way, if you have lusted in your heart after someone don't be foolish enough to go and tell them. Confess only to God because He is the only One Who knew. And be wise never to tell anyone else, people cannot be trusted with these secrets.
Someone might want to confess generically to their close friends without details and names, but to confess who and what is not wise when it was not public.
If you have committed the act that is a different matter, then you will need help from the brethren to restore you. For the act, one must confess to one another and be restored. Please never confess to a jealous person who may use your sins against you later or someone who is likely to beat you down further when you are repentant.
I recall a woman who went to her brother to confess the sin of adultery, not because he knew about it but because she thought accountability was a good thing. Sadly this brother used it to demean and beat her down to make her feel smaller than she already felt. She was weeping and broken over her sin. The brother harshly with anger in his voice asked her why she did it. She had no answer except that sin is pleasurable for a season.
Asking a broken sinner "why" is a way of beating them down even more. All sin is pleasurable, we know why we do things that is not the issue. The issue is confession and repentance, a desire to turn away from the sin.
The woman who had confessed would never go to confess anything to this brother again, it did not help her, it only hurt her further when she was already repentant. And, sadly it seriously damaged the relationship.
James 5:16
"16 Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much."
Galatians 6:1-2 "1 Brothers, if someone is caught in a trespass, you who are spiritual should restore him with a spirit of gentleness. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. 2 Carry one another’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.…"
Notice that when someone is repentant those who are helping do not help by another and worse beat-down. They are forgiven and restored.
When a sinner repents and is weeping over their sin our response ought to be to weep with them in their pain. And, rejoice too that they are being restored. This is the heart of authentic born again believers.
May the Lord give us compassion for the broken and repenting sinner. So much so that we feel what they feel and desire to restore them to once again walk in holiness.
There are those who are so prideful that they do not believe in forgiveness for sin, or at least the sins of others that they think they have not committed. These people don't confess their sin to anyone, in fact they pretend they have no sin about anything.
The sin of pride was the very sin that got the devil thrown out of heaven. This is the pride in the heart of one who loves to see others fail and takes advantage of that fall to elevate themselves as superior.
May the Lord give us the right heart when we seek to restore a repentant brother or sister.
Psalm 32:5
5 I acknowledged my sin to You,
And my iniquity I did not hide;
I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord”;
And You forgave the guilt of my sin. Selah.
Hallelujah, cleansing comes when there is confession, and it comes completely and quickly!