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Saturday, March 20, 2021
The Accusations of the Narcissist
When a narcissist accuses you of things you are doing it is likely you are not doing them but the narcissist is engaged in them. Remember all the bad traits of the narcissist he attempts to place on others before anyone gets a chance to see them in him.
When a narcissist says "you are selfish" they are describing themselves. Usually, this accusation comes after you have done something kind for someone. They hate to see our joy and the joy of the receiver, they would like to think of themselves as the one who does kind deeds even though they never do or they do them rarely to gain something for themselves.
It is good to evaluate ourselves and the reasons for our good deeds. It matters to God whether or not we do them because we love Him and the receiver of the kindness.
Those deeds that are done in the flesh to gain accolades for ourselves will not count with God. Those deeds done in secret to be pleasing God, are the ones that count with God.
Matthew 6:1-4
“Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven. “Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you."
Colossians 3:17
"And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."
When we meditate on God's Word daily, then is when we see clearly the way God wants us to operate in the world and the way we ought to be thinking, how we think drives why we do things.
When a narcissist says "you are selfish" they are describing themselves. Usually, this accusation comes after you have done something kind for someone. They hate to see our joy and the joy of the receiver, they would like to think of themselves as the one who does kind deeds even though they never do or they do them rarely to gain something for themselves.
It is good to evaluate ourselves and the reasons for our good deeds. It matters to God whether or not we do them because we love Him and the receiver of the kindness.
Those deeds that are done in the flesh to gain accolades for ourselves will not count with God. Those deeds done in secret to be pleasing God, are the ones that count with God.
Matthew 6:1-4
“Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven. “Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you."
Colossians 3:17
"And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."
When we meditate on God's Word daily, then is when we see clearly the way God wants us to operate in the world and the way we ought to be thinking, how we think drives why we do things.
Rudeness and its Joking
There are some people who say and do rude things claiming it was a joke. They think rudeness is alright if it was just a joke.
Here's what God says:
Ephesians 4:29-31 " 29 Let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but if there is any good word for edification according to the need of the moment, say that, so that it will give grace to those who hear. 30 Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 All bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and slander must be removed from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you."
There are some people who tease us who are doing it in such a way that we know it is kind-hearted jesting. Then there are those that insult for the purpose of causing defensiveness, we know the difference by the heart of the person and how often they poke at us.
I have known brothers in Christ who are sweet kind people who will occasionally respond with a joke, we see that it was coming from a loving heart. I have also known Christians who continually poke at us with the intent to draw out anger and frustration.
We can tell which joke is enduring and done with love in the heart and which ones are meant to harm. Those who mean no harm will apologize quickly if they see someone is agitated by their joke. However, the mean-spirited person does not apologize, they merely blame us for feeling hurt by saying; "you're too sensitive" or "you deserved it."
Those who do not care that they have offended others through the joking at their expense live a lifestyle of prodding and poking at others to elevate themselves.
If you have fallen prey to those who poke at you all the time claiming it was a joke you know what I am talking about.
We can discern the spirit of a man as well as the intent if we are spiritually discerning.
Proverbs 1:7
"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge;
fools despise wisdom and instruction."
Ephesians 5:6–10
Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not become partners with them; for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord."
Why is it important to know the difference between a kind-hearted man who jests occasionally and a mean-spirited man who makes a continual practice of degrading others? It's simple, we will have different responses for each situation. For the rude person who loves to demean others, we will ignore him and even avoid him. For the kind-hearted man who is endearing himself to us through an innocent joke, we laugh with him.
To laugh with the mean-spirited one is to encourage rudeness, partaking in their sin. To laugh with the kind-hearted one is to share in a jest that meant no harm and increases the bond of love.
We do not want to take offense at every little thing, that too is a self-focus. However, we do not want to encourage rude people by responding to them. Any response at all is food for the narcissist who uses other people as punching bags to elevate themselves.
The Lord knew we would encounter many kinds of people in the world and gave us all the principles to help us navigate through life. I am grateful for His instruction in the Bible, it removes the frustration and the possibility of our falling into the same pit of unkind responses. This is what the mean-spirited person wants, to cause us to fall so they can feel justified in their rudeness. Never give them an excuse by responding to them.
Proverbs 23:8 "…8 You will vomit up what little you have eaten and waste your pleasant words. 9 Do not speak to a fool, for he will despise the wisdom of your words."
Proverbs 9:7
"He who corrects a mocker brings shame on himself; he who rebukes a wicked man taints himself."
It is pride that gives us that sense that we have to say something or do something in response to rudeness. The problem is that when we respond we feed the trouble maker and diminish our own walk, we must trust Christ and do things His way if we are to remain untainted by this rude world.
Proverbs 14:7
"Stay away from a foolish man; you will gain no knowledge from his speech."
Proverbs 26:4
"Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you yourself will be like him."
Here's what God says:
Ephesians 4:29-31 " 29 Let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but if there is any good word for edification according to the need of the moment, say that, so that it will give grace to those who hear. 30 Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 All bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and slander must be removed from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you."
There are some people who tease us who are doing it in such a way that we know it is kind-hearted jesting. Then there are those that insult for the purpose of causing defensiveness, we know the difference by the heart of the person and how often they poke at us.
I have known brothers in Christ who are sweet kind people who will occasionally respond with a joke, we see that it was coming from a loving heart. I have also known Christians who continually poke at us with the intent to draw out anger and frustration.
We can tell which joke is enduring and done with love in the heart and which ones are meant to harm. Those who mean no harm will apologize quickly if they see someone is agitated by their joke. However, the mean-spirited person does not apologize, they merely blame us for feeling hurt by saying; "you're too sensitive" or "you deserved it."
Those who do not care that they have offended others through the joking at their expense live a lifestyle of prodding and poking at others to elevate themselves.
If you have fallen prey to those who poke at you all the time claiming it was a joke you know what I am talking about.
We can discern the spirit of a man as well as the intent if we are spiritually discerning.
Proverbs 1:7
"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge;
fools despise wisdom and instruction."
Ephesians 5:6–10
Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not become partners with them; for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord."
Why is it important to know the difference between a kind-hearted man who jests occasionally and a mean-spirited man who makes a continual practice of degrading others? It's simple, we will have different responses for each situation. For the rude person who loves to demean others, we will ignore him and even avoid him. For the kind-hearted man who is endearing himself to us through an innocent joke, we laugh with him.
To laugh with the mean-spirited one is to encourage rudeness, partaking in their sin. To laugh with the kind-hearted one is to share in a jest that meant no harm and increases the bond of love.
We do not want to take offense at every little thing, that too is a self-focus. However, we do not want to encourage rude people by responding to them. Any response at all is food for the narcissist who uses other people as punching bags to elevate themselves.
The Lord knew we would encounter many kinds of people in the world and gave us all the principles to help us navigate through life. I am grateful for His instruction in the Bible, it removes the frustration and the possibility of our falling into the same pit of unkind responses. This is what the mean-spirited person wants, to cause us to fall so they can feel justified in their rudeness. Never give them an excuse by responding to them.
Proverbs 23:8 "…8 You will vomit up what little you have eaten and waste your pleasant words. 9 Do not speak to a fool, for he will despise the wisdom of your words."
Proverbs 9:7
"He who corrects a mocker brings shame on himself; he who rebukes a wicked man taints himself."
It is pride that gives us that sense that we have to say something or do something in response to rudeness. The problem is that when we respond we feed the trouble maker and diminish our own walk, we must trust Christ and do things His way if we are to remain untainted by this rude world.
Proverbs 14:7
"Stay away from a foolish man; you will gain no knowledge from his speech."
Proverbs 26:4
"Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you yourself will be like him."
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