Friendships are not built on everything being easy the way we think we want them. Deep friendships happen because two people work through difficulties as they live out their strengths and weaknesses.
Ecc. 4:11-12 "…11 Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; but how can one keep warm alone? 12 And though one may be overpowered, two can resist. Moreover, a cord of three strands is not quickly broken."
Life is not easy, but is a wonderful thing when our spouse works with us through life to resolve problems and increase joy through good times.
My husband has often said; "a joy shared is double the joy and a grief shared is half a grief.
Those who believe life ought to be fun and easy all the time withholding the truth about their own life are those who cannot love anyone who does not enhance their life experience.
A young woman once told me she and her husband never fight. I told her that if this is true then someone is giving in to everything while the other one is taking everything. This is not a healthy marriage.
A healthy marriage is when problems arise because of disagreement both parties discuss feelings and actions legitimately confessing their heart while each person forgives as the other is repentant.
Without confession of sin there is no change in the heart that moves a couple forward. Without forgiveness in response to confession, there remains distrust.
It is impossible for two people coming from two different backgrounds, two different life experiences, and two different genders to maintain total cooperation without the trials of life. And, let's not forget two sinful people who need Christ.
Without trials, there is no spiritual and emotional growth, but it can only happen when both parties are humble enough to see themselves in truth. Many people are "play-acting" as though they are the perfect ones. This is the reason for so many divorces today, someone in the relationship thinks they are so special they deserve to be worshiped.
We can only genuinely love someone if we can admit their flaws and gifts and still be devoted to them. Since we know we are not perfect and that we fail people at times, it is easier to love those who disappoint us. We can only do this if we admit our own flaws.
The one who can never confess or admit their part in the relationship that failed will never be close to anyone and will ultimately end up using people for their own self-aggrandizement. They must continually find people to complain to about the other person so they have advocates. Sadly these advocates do not know the real story because all they have is the testimony of the one who can never say they are wrong. Both sides are never told or even needed in the practice of gossip.
Loving others has nothing to do with their performance it is unconditional this is why we weep with those who are confessing their flaws and sins and share the joy when they have accomplished something or God has worked in their lives. Here is what God says about love.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
"4 Love is patient, love is kind, it is not jealous; love does not brag, it is not arrogant. 5 It does not act disgracefully, it does not seek its own benefit; it is not provoked, does not keep an account of a wrong suffered, 6 it does not rejoice in unrighteousness but rejoices with the truth; 7 it keeps every confidence, it believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
When love is based on performance that enhances ourselves only then it is not love at all, it is only manipulation to control others' perception of us.
Authenticity is very hard to find in our world today. Two generations have been taught how special they are and that they deserve everything they want. It is nearly impossible to reach them with the truth of Christ because the first thing on the agenda for witnessing Christ is to show people they are sinners in need of a Savior. Telling others they have sinned and are as "filthy rags" is a very unpopular message in our days of self-worship.
This is why God said we would be hated because of Christ. He brought a message of repentance from our sinful nature. Since most people are so full of self they are predisposed to making excuses for their evil behavior. If they are church-goers they hide their real self to pretend they are worthy of heaven.
Humility is nearly non-existent in our day. It takes humility, not the fake kind that pretends it in front of people but rejects it behind the scenes of the stage life they are acting out.
It is not hard for a discerning person to see the play-acting as compared to authentic humility. Humility brought about through submission to God is demonstrated in the fruit of the Spirit only discernable by Spirit-filled Christians.
1 Corinthians 2:14 "
"But a natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned."
Those who walk in deception through play-acting do not even know that those who are filled with the Spirit of God can see exactly what is going on, these actors can only fool those who are just like themselves.
1 Corinthians 2:12-15
"12 Now we have not received the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may know the things freely given to us by God.
13 We also speak these things, not in words taught by human wisdom, but in those taught by the Spirit, combining spiritual thoughts with spiritual words.
14 But a natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned.
15 But the one who is spiritual discerns all things, yet he himself is discerned by no one."
