Young people, before you marry, pray and educate yourself on the signs of narcissism. Someone does not change into something after marriage that they were not before marriage.
There are signs that we can see if we know what to look for, in someone who might be abusive or arrogant.
In every case where there is an abusive spouse, the clues were there all along before one made those marriage vows. The problem is that so many young people refuse to believe those who know the signs, excusing away the clues they see, only to have the traits of their narcissist emerging more boldly after the wedding.
Through prayer, direction from the Holy Spirit and equipped with the knowledge of the tactics and traits of a narcissist, a woman can avoid committing to a man who will probably abuse her, whether it is physically or emotionally.
Yes, women can be abusive too, but in my generation more often it was the man who was the abuser. It could be that this has changed because of the feminist movement where women feel empowered to be more aggressive.
For those who are believers, expect a potential spouse to be on their best behavior, willing to hide the real self to win you. If they are the one suggesting Bible study and prayer together, wonderful. However, if you are the one having to always suggest these important things in which them men should be leading, then run like the wind. A man who will leave all the work of guiding and studying to the woman will not lead and protect his family, in anything.
Sadly, many young women over the years would not listen and remain stuck with a man who shows little or no interest in her outside the bedroom. Or, even worse these women end up divorced with children who are angry at the whole mess, forever doomed to a life without support of a man or even their community. Don't make this mistake, thinking that "love is all you need." That little ditty, spawned by a popular rock group in the '60's is a lie.
The love these songs portray is not love but infatuation that is temporary at best, based alone on personal pleasure and happy times. When the tough stuff comes, the people who were dedicated to their feelings of infatuation, suddenly disappear, divorcing, in search of another high, never able to love the way Christ told us to love.
Most people in our children's generation marry for their own pleasure, when that pleasure diminishes and the hard work of marriage and children arise, they become unglued. Having been pampered and babied all their lives to believe they are special and deserving of anything they desire, they bolt as soon as the going gets tough. We know this because of the present divorce rate, and sadly it is in the church too.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 "4 Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,
5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,
6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;
7 [a]bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
Our culture looks to the heroes out there hoping to hitch themselves to the wagon of the hero. Perhaps we should look to the heroes who stuck out their marriages for many years no matter what. These are the people that we can learn from, not those who have failed marriages, thinking we can use the excuses they used to get rid of the old to get some new adulation.
We don't have to marry those who would abuse us, we can seek God, wait on Him and learn what a godly person looks like from the inside out.
1 John 2:19-21 "…19 They went out from us, but they did not belong to us. For if they had belonged to us, they would have remained with us. But their departure made it clear that none of them belonged to us. 20 You, however, have an anointing from the Holy One, and all of you know the truth. 21 I have not written you because you lack knowledge of the truth, but because you have it, and because no lie comes from the truth.…"
2 Corinthians 1:21-22
"21 Now He who establishes us with you in Christ and anointed us is God, 22 who also sealed us and gave us the Spirit in our hearts as a pledge."
Acts 2:17 "17‘- In the last days, God says, I will pour out My Spirit on all people; your sons and daughters will prophesy, your young men will see visions, your old men will dream dreams."
1 John 2:27 "27 And as for you, the anointing you received from Him remains in you, and you do not need anyone to teach you. But just as His true and genuine anointing teaches you about all things, so remain in Him as you have been taught."
James 5:14–15
"Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven."
We are not healed from illness just by pouring oil on us, it is Christ Who heals and the oil is a symbol of Him.
There are many who believe it is alright to divorce someone because they are abusive. Leave to be safe, but divorce for abuse is not any where to be found in the Word.
So, a question, should Christ remove His offer of salvation to mankind because they were abusive to Him?
Romans 5:7-8 "a good man someone might possibly dare to die. 8 But God proves His love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
The oil in the lamps of the virgins is the Holy Spirit. Those without oil were never born again they only thought they were. When things got tough and long they gave up because they didn't have the Holy Spirit to sustain them.
Those who had oil but not enough were those that tasted of the Holy Spirit, knew about Him but never trusted Him. If they had trusted Him they would have remained to wait for Him. They never would have run out.
Matthew 25:1-12
"1 “Then the kingdom of heaven will be comparable to ten virgins, who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom.
2 Five of them were foolish, and five were prudent.
3 For when the foolish took their lamps, they took no oil with them,
4 but the prudent took oil in flasks along with their lamps.
5 Now while the bridegroom was delaying, they all got drowsy and began to sleep.
6 But at midnight there was a shout, ‘Behold, the bridegroom! Come out to meet him.’
7 Then all those virgins rose and trimmed their lamps.
8 The foolish said to the prudent, ‘Give us some of your oil, for our lamps are going out.’
9 But the prudent answered, ‘No, there will not be enough for us and you too; go instead to the dealers and buy some for yourselves.’
10 And while they were going away to make the purchase, the bridegroom came, and those who were ready went in with him to the wedding feast; and the door was shut.
11 Later the other virgins also came, saying, ‘Lord, lord, open up for us.’
12 But he answered, ‘Truly I say to you, I do not know you.’
13 Be on the alert then, for you do not know the day nor the hour."
Matthew 7:21-23
"21 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.
22 On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’
23 And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’"
Jesus didn’t speak to Peter he spoke to the devil who was using Peter’s mouth. Here is the evidence that the devil uses the mouths of others to destroy the work of God.
When we are in a battle, we don’t sit down, cry and feel bad for ourselves, we pick up our sword and do battle.
Our sword is the Bible, the Scriptures, the very Word, the Lord Jesus Christ is called the Word. We pray, we quote scripture, we hold our position and do battle.
When we allow the devil to bring us to a place of impotence because of his arrows, we are surrendering to the enemy. To allow others to silence the truth in us is to surrender to the enemy. To allow the devil to silence us, we miss opportunities to witness to those who might listen. Evil people will try to break down our excitement for the Lord, our tenacity that allows us to move through this world without fear. All of that is diminished when we listen to the enemy through those who have no defense from him.
2 Corinthians 10:3-5 “…3 For though we live in the flesh, we do not wage war according to the flesh. 4 The weapons of our warfare are not the weapons of the world. Instead, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. 5 We tear down arguments, and every presumption set up against the knowledge of God; and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.…”
When we allow the devil to debilitate us through his mean, covert and demeaning tactics, our focus is on self rather that Christ Who lives in us. Since our battle is not flesh and blood, then our weapon is not more cleaver arguments but rather it is the Word of God that is powerful.
Hebrews 4:11-13 “11 Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will fall by following the same pattern of disobedience. 12 For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it pierces even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow. It is able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart. 13 Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight; everything is uncovered and exposed before the eyes of Him to whom we must give account.…”
I have known many people focus on the hurt they feel, I was one of them rather than on Christ, they whimper off in defeat by allowing emotions to drive them, instead of using the Word of God, the Sword, picking up their battle weapon and engaging in the battle, they remain silent to avoid being hurt again. A soldier has no time for pampering his wounds, he must continue the battle until it is over.
I know that many of you have experienced what I have, that is to be mocked and intimidated into silence by a culture that has managed to call it rude to confront sin.
The enemy of our soul, the devil has won the battle when he is able to make us feel bad for doing good.
Isaiah 5:20 “20 Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; Who substitute darkness for light and light for darkness; Who substitute bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter! 21 Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes And clever in their own sight!…”
Our culture has removed all restraints concerning evil while placing a ball and chain on the ankles of the believer to prevent their “noise” of the gospel entering their ears. They hate to hear it, they become enraged and mean when it is spoken.
Isaiah 30:9-10
“…9 For this is a rebellious people, false sons, Sons who refuse to listen To the instruction of the LORD; 10 Who say to the seers, "You must not see visions"; And to the prophets, "You must not prophesy to us what is right, Speak to us pleasant words, Prophesy illusions.”
These same people use flattery to entice people into accepting their sin, when flattery doesn’t work they demand that we shut our mouths, sadly many do just what they want, eliminating from our society the most needed element of a people and that is correction and instruction that comes from God through His Word.
Romans 16:18
“For such as these are not serving our Lord Christ, but their own appetites. By smooth talk and flattery they deceive the hearts of the naive.”
2 Timothy 4:3
“For the time will come when men will not tolerate sound doctrine, but with itching ears they will gather around themselves teachers to suit their own desires.”
2 Timothy 4:4
“So they will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths.”
This people that once consulted God to direct their path, now engage in cultic practices to determine their way. They spit in the face of the God Who gave them life and Who even died for them. They want no instruction from Him, their instruction comes from other devastating sources, such as psychology and what is falsely called science.
The prosperity preachers are massaging the egos of tens of thousands of people to keep their own wealth coming. The people eat it up like cotton candy, enjoying every morsel of tasty rotten fruit, disguised as sweet delights.
1 Samuel 9:9
“(Formerly in Israel, when a man went to inquire of God, he used to say, "Come, and let us go to the seer"; for he who is called a prophet now was formerly called a seer.)”
Isaiah 29:10
“For the LORD has poured over you a spirit of deep sleep, He has shut your eyes, the prophets; And He has covered your heads, the seers.”
Jeremiah 6:14
"They have healed the brokenness of My people superficially, Saying, 'Peace, peace,' But there is no peace.”
The solutions of the masses today are superficial but not only that, they do not heal wounds of sin, they increase the wounds, causing greater harm, larger wounds and no cures because they don’t believe a cure is needed. What are sin actions are now called diseases requiring drugs to mask the problem rather than fix it.
Jeremiah 11:21
“Therefore thus says the LORD concerning the men of Anathoth, who seek your life, saying, "Do not prophesy in the name of the LORD, so that you will not die at our hand";
There will come a time and perhaps it is here now, that the people will be so stubborn that God will tell His people to stop bothering to speak to them, because of their stiff necks and hardened hearts.
Acts 7:50=52
“…50 Has not My hand made all these things?’ 51 You stiff-necked people with uncircumcised hearts and ears! You always resist the Holy Spirit, just as your fathers did. 52 Which of the prophets did your fathers fail to persecute? They even killed those who foretold the coming of the Righteous One. And now you are His betrayers and murderers—…”
If you are at the place with some people that you have given up, don’t be too hard on yourself, it may be the Holy Spirit that removes you from those people, taking from them the wisdom that they so desperately need but refuse to hear.
Jeremiah 11:14 “14"Therefore do not pray for this people, nor lift up a cry or prayer for them; for I will not listen when they call to Me because of their disaster."
If those who heard the prophets would want to kill them for speaking truth, we know that they would desire to do the same to us. In our country the prophets are not yet physically murdered, but they are murdered day after day in the hearts of the rebellious people. The contempt toward the truth is increasing, the hearts of the people are growing colder and the resistance to truth is at times, overwhelming.
There have been many times I have been spurned by Christians for suggesting that “self esteem” was a lie of the devil, or that divorce and remarriage is sin against God. These same people will be incensed that the homosexual agenda is being promoted, but they themselves live in serial adultery through remarriage. These people disobey more of the Word of God than they obey, but the delight in coming against the other sins that they don’t engage in, they have their pet sins they hate and their pet sins they enjoy.
I hear parents lamenting the fact that their children do not listen to them, but the parents will not seek God nor did they require obedience of their children as they were growing up. The parents didn’t require holiness and sensibleness in their home, indulging the children and then wonder why they have no interest in holiness for themselves. Can we see the hollowness, deception and hypocrisy in the culture as a whole.
Those parents that wished to do what was right, were spurned continually by the culture, unsaved spouses, public schools and even the church for their attempt to bring the children up in the way of the Lord.
One of the elements of a “Christanized” culture that thinks it is doing well by feeding the poor, donating to causes and attending a building they call a church, is their own pride over their deeds, even though they have little concern about pleasing God, they are deeply committed to appearing righteous without actually being so.
I see many short videos all the time of people who are doing good deeds, making sure they are seen on youtube while they do them. This is a violation of God’s Word to keep our good deeds secret, but many argue that it is to encourage others, my answer to that is flatly, NO, these actions are to glorify self. The Holy Spirit is the One Who instructs each one of us what to do, we need no other person to “encourage” us.
When we are walking with Christ in obedience, He will guide us in our actions, we need no praise for it from men.
John 12:42-43
“42 Nevertheless, many of the leaders believed in Him; but because of the Pharisees they did not confess Him, for fear that they would be put out of the synagogue. 43 For they loved praise from men more than praise from God. “
So many people are focused on the work of the Holy Spirit, but have perverted His work. They love the wild manifestations of what they call miracles, but ignore His principles or add to them to give the sense of righteousness, that only feeds the ego but negates God.
Mark 7:13
“13 Thus you nullify the word of God by the tradition you have handed down. And you do so” in many such matters.”
