Without confession of sin, there is no spiritual growth or changed behavior.
1 John 1:9
"9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous, so that He will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
God said "if" we confess He will cleanse us. His cleansing is a change in our hearts that causes a change in behavior. He will never change anyone who doesn't want to be changed.
When someone has continually offended another person for years but the next time they see them they try to act better to clean up the mess they made, there remains a distrust in the heart of the offended party, and rightfully so.
God's way is best, in order to reconcile a relationship the offender must confess in a clear act of contrition. The broken relationship remains broken until a confession is made.
Contrition: "the state of feeling remorseful and penitent." The Hebrew word means to "be crushed." When we are crushed that we have offended someone we cannot rest until it is taken care of through confession.
When someone says they are sorry just to make the conflict go away without contrition, they are being dishonest and will probably offend in the same way again. Those who are contrite will confess and not repeat the same offense again. A person with a contrite heart has been changed in their heart a little more become a little more holy.
If someone is too proud to confess they have no reason to expect the relationship to change or the offended party to trust them until they do what God said to do.
James 5:16 "16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man has great power to prevail."
This passage isn't talking about only offenses between two people but also sins committed that were not against the person we are confessing to, but a friend who will help us be accountable.
When we have to openly express our sins with a desire to stop the sin, it is powerful cleansing. Open confession with a trusted friend brings friends closer together if the friend is godly, loving and empathetic.
If we confess to an ungodly person who doesn't like us we can expect angst and superior attitude that only further damages us. It is evil to beat down an already contrite person, only the devil does such a thing.
No one can hold a sin against us legitimately if we have openly confessed and forsaken. Anyone who holds a forgiven sin against us is being used of the devil.
Anyone who repeats a past forgiven sin to others is playing god, pretending to have the authority of God. It is not their place to judge our past forgiven sins. Our God has forgiven them, who are they to continue to hold them against us.
Anyone who has never had to repent from sin in their past please raise your hand.......what no hands?
Romans 3:23
"23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,"
God never says if you have sinned against someone just act better next time you see them. He does however say "go to them to ask forgiveness, confessing one to another." James 5:16
When someone claims to be a Christian but violates God's principles for reconciliation to Him and others they are in sin. It is cowardly and insincere to refuse to face your sin and refuse to confess it to those whom you have harmed.
We are to go to our brother/sister and tell them their offense against us, a principle most Christians will not do nor do those who have been the offender will discuss.
Matthew 18:15-17
"If Your Brother Sins Against You
15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector."
It is very clear here that if a brother/sister will not listen to our complaint they are resisting cleansing and will remain spiritually weak and blind for their rebellion.
1 Corinthians 11:29-31 "…29 For anyone who eats and drinks without recognizing the body eats and drinks judgment on himself. 30 That is why many among you are weak and sick, and a number of you have fallen asleep. 31 Now if we judged ourselves properly, we would not come under judgment.…"
When we rightly judge ourselves through the guidance of the Holy Spirit we will want to confess and be cleansed, not only God growing us a little more also we carry a strong desire to be reconciled to our offender. It is love that motivates us to tell a friend how they have offended and it is love to confess our own offenses.
I have noticed that those who will not confess their sins to others seem to be afraid to be seen as weak. They also have a mindset that if they do confess openly others will do to them what they know they would do to others, that is beat them up a little more with verbiage such as; "why did you do such a foolish thing." There is no empathy or kindness extended because of the superior mentality of the one who accuses someone of sins that have been cleansed by God. The proper response to a confessing brother or sister is to weep and pray with them. Perhaps a prayer of praise that they have forsaken and been cleansed.
There is a problem in our cultural Christianity, so many people want to judge others on the basis of the testimonies of others about our friend or family member that was not against them personally. Gossip is a sin and must be confessed as such for cleansing from the telling of a story that had nothing to do with us.
No one can know perfectly the account of another relationship based on one side of the story.
In our cultural Christianity of today, there is a problem of taking the easiest way to get out of things that are uncomfortable.
Those who are contrite, that is "crushed" over their offense will find it more satisfying to confess than to just pretend the offense didn't happen and hope the other person forgets it all.
There is never peace and joy in the heart of those who never confess their sins. They must continually justify their actions while remaining distant from God. God will not hear the prayers of those who will not confess and are crushed over their sin.
Psalm 51:17
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.
Psalm 34:18
"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."
In our day many people "feel" a sense that they have something against another person when there is nothing they can legitimately hold against the person they dislike. One reason is that the offended party is offended at correction with scripture.
There are many illegitimately angry people in the church today. They are easily offended by correction from God's Word and they will not listen or repent for their anger and resistance.
The only way to know if an offense is legitimate is to go to prayer, in a contrite spirit asking God to reveal the truth to us so that we will do the thing that pleases God.
It is vitally important that we seek the Word of God to do things His way, not the easy way but the way of true cleansing and freedom from guilt and anger.
Isaiah 57:15
"For thus says the One who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: “I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and to revive the heart of the contrite."
What peace rolls over us when we do things God's Way. Hallalujah!!!
