There is a very wrong teaching about forgiveness that is being taught by nearly everyone these days.
They say forgiveness does not mean reconciliation. This is completely wrong and based on feelings and words alone.
God declared that forgiveness was predicated on confession of sin and was for the purpose of reconciling a relationship.
If there has been true forgiveness after repentance, then there will be reconciliation followed by an even deeper closeness in the relationship than there was before.
The purpose of forgiveness is not to keep us from becoming bitter, it is for the sake of the relationship.
God made it clear how confession of sin and forgiveness is suppost to work and what it is suppose to accomplish.
Luke 17:3-4 "…3 Watch yourselves. If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. 4Even if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times returns to say, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”
People overlook this phrase in the Luke passage: "if they return and say "I repent."
We are commanded to bless our enemies, not to take revenge, and keep ourselves from bitterness, but this is not forgiveness. If there is confession of sin and forgiveness extended, then there will be reconciliation.
Too many people today believe all people are going to heaven because God forgives, even if they are not sorry; this could not be farther from the truth.
Psalm 51:17 "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise."
This culture needs to stop pretending they forgive while still refusing contact with the offender. There is good reason to avoid those who are not sorry and even think they did nothing wrong defending their sin against us. However, forgiveness is not accomplished until the offender is convicted of their sin and wants to repent and reconcile.
If we obey God by acting with love and kindness, no matter what they do, then we will remain innocent, but this is not reconciliation; it is refusing to be manipulated into acting like the offenders.
Christ treated everyone correctly all the time, and most were not reconciled to Him. He never said to people; "I forgive you even if you are not sorry."
When Christ said on the cross, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do", He was not forgiving individuals; He was asking the Father to extend forgiveness to the world because of His sacrifice. Extending forgiveness to those who are repentant is far different from forgiving them when they are not repentant.
Acts 3:19: "Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord."
God never forgives or reconciles to those who are not sorry! The condition for becoming born again is to confess our sinfulness, trusting in Christ to change us into a new creation, and desiring Him to do all the work in us.
No one will be reconciled to us or to God when they maintain their wicked attitude of remorselessness.
When we say to people we should forgive when someone is not repentant, we are giving them a false picture of how Christ forgives and enabling them in their sinful stance.
It is not unfriendly or unkind to withhold forgiveness to the unrepentant, just the contrary, it may help them see their sinfulness has consequences and it may even cause them to see the error of their ways and rethink their attitude.
Our world is growing worse in terrible attitudes and disrespectful actions because of the psychology that teaches the lie that friendliness is what causes people to rethink their own heart. Just the opposite is true, when we require nothing from offenders, we enhance their selfish and ignorant stance.
Proverbs 22: 24-25 "24 Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man,
25 lest you learn his ways
and entangle yourself in a snare."
When we require nothing from others and they require nothing of us no one grows and changes. Holiness is either stymied or non-existent, everyone grows more evil because there is no accountability.
Satan loves this because it causes people to place pressure on the innocent party to forgive and continue with those who have abused them, or at least feel responsible to be or do something God never intended, while the offender is never told to repent.
Justice is important to God and it should be important to us too.
Micah 6:8 "He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?"
Isaiah 1:17 "Learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow's cause."
God did not write these verses just for the righteous; He wrote them for the offender too. Never ignore what the offender did and pretend your lack of accountability absolves them.
Friday, May 22, 2026
Thursday, May 21, 2026
Forgiving to Reconcile is God's Plan
I do not forgive for the sake of my own peace; I forgive to reconcile the relationship when someone is repentant and desires to heal the bond of friendship.
Luke 17:3-4 "…3Watch yourselves. If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. 4Even if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times returns to say, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”
God is all about relationships and little about feelings. We have feelings, and we need to pay attention to them, not to act on them, but to gauge our hearts to see if we are indulging ourselves or obeying God. We must evaluate our feelings according to the Word of God so that we do not follow feelings that are not accurate.
Feelings lie to us often; they tell us things are bad when they are good, and things are good when they are bad. We cannot trust our feelings, which is why I place no value on making myself feel better by claiming to forgive when someone is unrepentant.
Nothing is resolved according to feelings. In fact they can make us feel proud that we are special because we feel good about forgiving, but it does not cleanse us of anything, nor does it help the relationship.
Saying, "I forgive" someone who is not repentant does nothing at all. It does not resolve any problems, it does not seek to understand someone, nor does it cleanse anyone of anything.
God is not about pretending attitudes to feel superior; He is about resolving problems between people. If they cannot be resolved because someone will not admit to their failures, then we must move on and let God.
We are commanded to bless those who curse us when in company with an offender, but this is not a resolution to a conflict, nor can the relationship be mended until there is sadness that the relationship is broken.
Confession of offense and forgiveness are two sides of the same coin; both must be present for a relationship to be restored. When we pretend we forgive but do not reconcile, then the process is not complete, and the relationship remains broken.
It has been psychology that has taught this idea that we should just say in our head we forgive when someone else is not repentant to make ourselves feel better, but it is useless to God's plan.
God does not forgive without repentance; He is our ultimate example. When there is repentance and forgiveness extended it is a beautiful thing, and the relationships become stronger than it was before.
God cares more about results based on His principles than He does about feelings. We can only do our part, which is seeking confession to be reconciled; we cannot do the part of the other person.
Notice you rarely hear of anyone chastising the offender to confess and repent? All the pressure is placed on the one who was wronged to forgive, but no pressure is placed on the one who offended. Seems unbalanced, doesn't it?
Next time you are tempted to chastise people to forgive someone, be sure you also go to the offender and tell them to repent. And, be sure you counsel the one to wait upon the repentance before forgiving, so there will be a real and lasting bond of friendship.
We are seeking reconciliation, as well as spiritual and emotional maturity, which only comes from both confession and forgiveness. We are not seeking a superficial sweeping under the rug and pretending you did your part by messaging your feelings.
Luke 17:3-4 "…3 Watch yourselves. If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. 4 Even if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times returns to say, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”"
Let's obey the Bible when God says; "rebuke your brother" and "if he comes and says I repent, forgive him."
Luke 17:3-4 "…3Watch yourselves. If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. 4Even if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times returns to say, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”
God is all about relationships and little about feelings. We have feelings, and we need to pay attention to them, not to act on them, but to gauge our hearts to see if we are indulging ourselves or obeying God. We must evaluate our feelings according to the Word of God so that we do not follow feelings that are not accurate.
Feelings lie to us often; they tell us things are bad when they are good, and things are good when they are bad. We cannot trust our feelings, which is why I place no value on making myself feel better by claiming to forgive when someone is unrepentant.
Nothing is resolved according to feelings. In fact they can make us feel proud that we are special because we feel good about forgiving, but it does not cleanse us of anything, nor does it help the relationship.
Saying, "I forgive" someone who is not repentant does nothing at all. It does not resolve any problems, it does not seek to understand someone, nor does it cleanse anyone of anything.
God is not about pretending attitudes to feel superior; He is about resolving problems between people. If they cannot be resolved because someone will not admit to their failures, then we must move on and let God.
We are commanded to bless those who curse us when in company with an offender, but this is not a resolution to a conflict, nor can the relationship be mended until there is sadness that the relationship is broken.
Confession of offense and forgiveness are two sides of the same coin; both must be present for a relationship to be restored. When we pretend we forgive but do not reconcile, then the process is not complete, and the relationship remains broken.
It has been psychology that has taught this idea that we should just say in our head we forgive when someone else is not repentant to make ourselves feel better, but it is useless to God's plan.
God does not forgive without repentance; He is our ultimate example. When there is repentance and forgiveness extended it is a beautiful thing, and the relationships become stronger than it was before.
God cares more about results based on His principles than He does about feelings. We can only do our part, which is seeking confession to be reconciled; we cannot do the part of the other person.
Notice you rarely hear of anyone chastising the offender to confess and repent? All the pressure is placed on the one who was wronged to forgive, but no pressure is placed on the one who offended. Seems unbalanced, doesn't it?
Next time you are tempted to chastise people to forgive someone, be sure you also go to the offender and tell them to repent. And, be sure you counsel the one to wait upon the repentance before forgiving, so there will be a real and lasting bond of friendship.
We are seeking reconciliation, as well as spiritual and emotional maturity, which only comes from both confession and forgiveness. We are not seeking a superficial sweeping under the rug and pretending you did your part by messaging your feelings.
Luke 17:3-4 "…3 Watch yourselves. If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. 4 Even if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times returns to say, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”"
Let's obey the Bible when God says; "rebuke your brother" and "if he comes and says I repent, forgive him."
Appreciating One Another in the Body of Christ
Fellowship gatherings in homes in the first century were devoted to the people centered around Christ and not a building or a system.
It is a wonderful thing because everyone is free to share, edifying one another as they speak of Christ. The relationships were deeper because they were centered around Christ, not a man-made system with rules and expectations God never commanded.
1 Corinthians 14:26 " 26 What then shall we say, brothers? When you come together, everyone has a psalm or a teaching, a revelation, a tongue, or an interpretation. All of these must be done to build up the church."
The leaders did not dominate the church gathering; they guided by example and teaching, and all were included in the exchange, allowing others to bring their perspectives and gifts. When we know the gifts of each are from the Holy Spirit, we will not be criticizing others or expecting them to be something God never called them to be.
1 Corinthians 12:12-27
"12 For just as the body is one and yet has many parts, and all the parts of the body, though they are many, are one body, so also is Christ.
13 For by one Spirit we were all baptized into one body, whether Jews or Greeks, whether slaves or free, and we were all made to drink of one Spirit.
14 For the body is not one part, but many.
15 If the foot says, “Because I am not a hand, I am not a part of the body,” it is not for this reason any less a part of the body.
16 And if the ear says, “Because I am not an eye, I am not a part of the body,” it is not for this reason any less a part of the body.
17 If the whole body were an eye, where would the hearing be? If the whole body were hearing, where would the sense of smell be? 18 But now God has arranged the parts, each one of them in the body, just as He desired.
19 If they were all one part, where would the body be?
20 But now there are many parts, but one body.
21 And the eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you”; or again, the head to the feet, “I have no need of you.”
22 On the contrary, it is much truer that the parts of the body which seem to be weaker are necessary;
23 and those parts of the body which we consider less honorable, on these we bestow greater honor, and our less presentable parts become much more presentable,
24 whereas our more presentable parts have no need of it. But God has so composed the body, giving more abundant honor to that part which lacked,
25 so that there may be no division in the body, but that the parts may have the same care for one another.
26 And if one part of the body suffers, all the parts suffer with it; if a part is honored, all the parts rejoice with it."
In God's body of believers, no one is less than anyone else, and all are to be honored and blessed by the love of the others.
When we appreciate that everyone has a part and everyone is to be loved, there will not be competitiveness or a sense of superiority.
We can even appreciate differing personalities that bring color and life to everyone else. With this perspective, we can stop judging things that are not sin and be grateful, treasuring our brothers and sisters in Christ.
Praise God for His design within the church gathering and the beauty of it when all work together in their particular gifts.
It is a wonderful thing because everyone is free to share, edifying one another as they speak of Christ. The relationships were deeper because they were centered around Christ, not a man-made system with rules and expectations God never commanded.
1 Corinthians 14:26 " 26 What then shall we say, brothers? When you come together, everyone has a psalm or a teaching, a revelation, a tongue, or an interpretation. All of these must be done to build up the church."
The leaders did not dominate the church gathering; they guided by example and teaching, and all were included in the exchange, allowing others to bring their perspectives and gifts. When we know the gifts of each are from the Holy Spirit, we will not be criticizing others or expecting them to be something God never called them to be.
1 Corinthians 12:12-27
"12 For just as the body is one and yet has many parts, and all the parts of the body, though they are many, are one body, so also is Christ.
13 For by one Spirit we were all baptized into one body, whether Jews or Greeks, whether slaves or free, and we were all made to drink of one Spirit.
14 For the body is not one part, but many.
15 If the foot says, “Because I am not a hand, I am not a part of the body,” it is not for this reason any less a part of the body.
16 And if the ear says, “Because I am not an eye, I am not a part of the body,” it is not for this reason any less a part of the body.
17 If the whole body were an eye, where would the hearing be? If the whole body were hearing, where would the sense of smell be? 18 But now God has arranged the parts, each one of them in the body, just as He desired.
19 If they were all one part, where would the body be?
20 But now there are many parts, but one body.
21 And the eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you”; or again, the head to the feet, “I have no need of you.”
22 On the contrary, it is much truer that the parts of the body which seem to be weaker are necessary;
23 and those parts of the body which we consider less honorable, on these we bestow greater honor, and our less presentable parts become much more presentable,
24 whereas our more presentable parts have no need of it. But God has so composed the body, giving more abundant honor to that part which lacked,
25 so that there may be no division in the body, but that the parts may have the same care for one another.
26 And if one part of the body suffers, all the parts suffer with it; if a part is honored, all the parts rejoice with it."
In God's body of believers, no one is less than anyone else, and all are to be honored and blessed by the love of the others.
When we appreciate that everyone has a part and everyone is to be loved, there will not be competitiveness or a sense of superiority.
We can even appreciate differing personalities that bring color and life to everyone else. With this perspective, we can stop judging things that are not sin and be grateful, treasuring our brothers and sisters in Christ.
Praise God for His design within the church gathering and the beauty of it when all work together in their particular gifts.
Wednesday, May 20, 2026
What We Teach Others Exposes Our Own Mentality
Some people are teaching young people to have their fun before getting married, have their fun before having children, because one day they will have to stop having fun, so do it while you can.
The sad truth about this mentality is that life is not about fun. It's about living life for God and for Spiritual and emotional growth so that when old age arrives, we will be full of wisdom and insight.
The wisdom and insight do not come from pleasure, so any growth is delayed until there is sobering of the heart that desires to put away childish pleasures to begin learning about life and truth.
1 Corinthians 13:11 "11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things."
Many, perhaps most people today are delaying their wisdom, remaining spiritual and emotinal infants. By the time they should have it, they have developed a full life experience of avoiding it to have fun. The habit of a lifetime is pleasure. Not only has wisdom been avoided it has been interpreted into modern language that elevates play above everything else.
2 Timothy 2:22 So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart."
1 Corinthians 10:7 "Do not be idolaters as some of them were; as it is written, “The people sat down to eat and drink and rose up to play.”
Life with Christ is full of pleasures that flow from love, developing relationships on the mutual pursuit of working together for the greater good. Seeking God for His purposes, serving others as led by Christ.
Every day is a blessing and an adventure when we live for Christ. Our adventures are simple and uncomplicated. We see the children playing in the yard, the deer walking through, the rabbits in the grass, the smell of freshly cut grass, and the birds that are singing. Things we don't have to chase after but are right in front of us are God's blessings and joy we carry every single day.
There are more blessings, such as the joy of sharing with a friend their heartache or their accomplishments. My husband says frequently, "A shared blessing is a blessing doubled, and a shared grief is half a grief.
When we share with one another the experiences of life, we strengthen and encourage one another. This is a lost art in our day, with everyone wanting to share their own stuff with no interest in the experiences of others.
Why do so many want to share about themselves but are uninterested in others? The answer is clear: we live in a culture of boasting to impress others.
People are remaining immature longer in our culture. Their focus is so self centeredd, boast oreiented and deeply insecure that it cannot find purpose other than pleasure, which has become addictive.
Normal life with all its challenges are no longer fulfilling for most.
In this culture, people pursue God for the sake of what they can get out of Him. Just as they pursue others for what they can get out of them. The basic mentality is to surround themselves with those who elevate them.
1 Timothy 5:6 "But she who is self-indulgent is dead even while she lives."
We do not want to be self-indulgent people. As born-again believers, we want to be useful for the kingdom of God, even if it means in small matters. Taking care of business in our families, living a Christian witness of love in the community, extending a helping hand to others, and more, as led by the Holy Spirit.
1 Thessalonians 4:4 "That each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor,"
Galatians 2:20 "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."
The sad truth about this mentality is that life is not about fun. It's about living life for God and for Spiritual and emotional growth so that when old age arrives, we will be full of wisdom and insight.
The wisdom and insight do not come from pleasure, so any growth is delayed until there is sobering of the heart that desires to put away childish pleasures to begin learning about life and truth.
1 Corinthians 13:11 "11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things."
Many, perhaps most people today are delaying their wisdom, remaining spiritual and emotinal infants. By the time they should have it, they have developed a full life experience of avoiding it to have fun. The habit of a lifetime is pleasure. Not only has wisdom been avoided it has been interpreted into modern language that elevates play above everything else.
2 Timothy 2:22 So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart."
1 Corinthians 10:7 "Do not be idolaters as some of them were; as it is written, “The people sat down to eat and drink and rose up to play.”
Life with Christ is full of pleasures that flow from love, developing relationships on the mutual pursuit of working together for the greater good. Seeking God for His purposes, serving others as led by Christ.
Every day is a blessing and an adventure when we live for Christ. Our adventures are simple and uncomplicated. We see the children playing in the yard, the deer walking through, the rabbits in the grass, the smell of freshly cut grass, and the birds that are singing. Things we don't have to chase after but are right in front of us are God's blessings and joy we carry every single day.
There are more blessings, such as the joy of sharing with a friend their heartache or their accomplishments. My husband says frequently, "A shared blessing is a blessing doubled, and a shared grief is half a grief.
When we share with one another the experiences of life, we strengthen and encourage one another. This is a lost art in our day, with everyone wanting to share their own stuff with no interest in the experiences of others.
Why do so many want to share about themselves but are uninterested in others? The answer is clear: we live in a culture of boasting to impress others.
People are remaining immature longer in our culture. Their focus is so self centeredd, boast oreiented and deeply insecure that it cannot find purpose other than pleasure, which has become addictive.
Normal life with all its challenges are no longer fulfilling for most.
In this culture, people pursue God for the sake of what they can get out of Him. Just as they pursue others for what they can get out of them. The basic mentality is to surround themselves with those who elevate them.
1 Timothy 5:6 "But she who is self-indulgent is dead even while she lives."
We do not want to be self-indulgent people. As born-again believers, we want to be useful for the kingdom of God, even if it means in small matters. Taking care of business in our families, living a Christian witness of love in the community, extending a helping hand to others, and more, as led by the Holy Spirit.
1 Thessalonians 4:4 "That each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor,"
Galatians 2:20 "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."
Let Them Go and Move On with Your Life
In another thread, I was watching a man speak of those who assumed that if a child cut off their parents, then the parents must have been bad parents.
Define "good parents" The best parents are the ones who tried to teach their children good things, but the culture made the children think their parents were bad for having standards and rules.
The parents who do not get cut off are often those who have no standards.
Adam and Eve, who only had one perfect parent, and that was God, defied Him. He is perfect, and yet His children defied Him. David, a man after God's own heart, has a child named Absalom who hated him.
The prodigal son demanded his inheritance so he could go live wickedly. He hated his father and yet nowhere in the scriptures does God say he was a bad parent.
To assume that children are right that their parents were bad enough to be entirely rejected by their children is a form of gossip. Unless you saw what went on daily in a household with the children, you cannot judge the parenting as bad.
Rebellious children will take innocent acts and even good teaching and call it bad. They are never satisfied with just hating their parents; they must punish them by keeping their grandchildren from them and even gossiping about them to turn others against them.
Often these rebellious children marry rebellious people who enjoy the estrangement of their spouse from their parents. They not only facilitate the angry mentality but also endorse it.
We are living in the 2 Timothy 3 times of every evil mentality possible in families.
2 Timothy 3:1-5 "Difficult Times Will Come
3 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. 2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, slanderers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, 4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 holding to a form of godliness although they have denied its power; avoid such people as these."
Do not allow the rejection of your children to cause you to ruminate on the hate; get on with your life without them, knowing that their company was nothing but continual anger and retaliation for things you never did to them, but they wanted to believe you did.
Titus 3:9-10 "9 But avoid foolish controversies, genealogies, arguments, and quarrels about the law, because these things are pointless and worthless. 10 Reject a divisive man after a first and second admonition, 11 knowing that such a man is corrupt and sinful; he is self-condemned."
To be overcome with grief over the loss of your children is to be co-dependent. You must move on and allow your children to do the same. If they come back repentant, then we can rejoice, but if they want to come back to cause more trouble, you must not allow it.
Define "good parents" The best parents are the ones who tried to teach their children good things, but the culture made the children think their parents were bad for having standards and rules.
The parents who do not get cut off are often those who have no standards.
Adam and Eve, who only had one perfect parent, and that was God, defied Him. He is perfect, and yet His children defied Him. David, a man after God's own heart, has a child named Absalom who hated him.
The prodigal son demanded his inheritance so he could go live wickedly. He hated his father and yet nowhere in the scriptures does God say he was a bad parent.
To assume that children are right that their parents were bad enough to be entirely rejected by their children is a form of gossip. Unless you saw what went on daily in a household with the children, you cannot judge the parenting as bad.
Rebellious children will take innocent acts and even good teaching and call it bad. They are never satisfied with just hating their parents; they must punish them by keeping their grandchildren from them and even gossiping about them to turn others against them.
Often these rebellious children marry rebellious people who enjoy the estrangement of their spouse from their parents. They not only facilitate the angry mentality but also endorse it.
We are living in the 2 Timothy 3 times of every evil mentality possible in families.
2 Timothy 3:1-5 "Difficult Times Will Come
3 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. 2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, slanderers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, 4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 holding to a form of godliness although they have denied its power; avoid such people as these."
Do not allow the rejection of your children to cause you to ruminate on the hate; get on with your life without them, knowing that their company was nothing but continual anger and retaliation for things you never did to them, but they wanted to believe you did.
Titus 3:9-10 "9 But avoid foolish controversies, genealogies, arguments, and quarrels about the law, because these things are pointless and worthless. 10 Reject a divisive man after a first and second admonition, 11 knowing that such a man is corrupt and sinful; he is self-condemned."
To be overcome with grief over the loss of your children is to be co-dependent. You must move on and allow your children to do the same. If they come back repentant, then we can rejoice, but if they want to come back to cause more trouble, you must not allow it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)