This is what the lie "you have to love yourself first before you can love anyone else" has created. Parental estrangement by adult children is the result of this monstrous teaching of psychology over the past 40 years.
I had conversations with Christians back in the 70's and 80's about this matter of self-esteem, and every single conversation, I was seen as foolish for saying the culture was training the children to only think of themselves.
Even their good deeds were praised for making them feel good about doing the deed. It wasn't about the need of the other person; it was about how good they felt about doing it.
I have seen news casts like this when a young person was interviewed about their kind act, and they say something like, "it made me feel good about doing it." They didn't say "I felt bad for the person and wanted to help."
The truth is, the more we love ourselves, the less we care about others. We are born loving ourselves too much and need to cultivate denial of self to love others. It is human nature to want to think highly of ourselves, which is why so many people who do good acts love being seen for what they are doing more than they care about the people they are serving.
God condemns deeds done to glorify and gratify self.
Matthew 6:1-2 "1“Be careful not to perform your righteous acts before men to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven. 2 So when you give to the needy, do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by men. Truly I tell you, they already have their full reward."
Matthew 23:1-12 "23 Then Jesus said to the crowds and to his disciples,
2 “The scribes and the Pharisees sit on Moses' seat,
3 so do and observe whatever they tell you, but not the works they do. For they preach, but do not practice.
4 They tie up heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on people's shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to move them with their finger.
5 They do all their deeds to be seen by others. For they make their phylacteries broad and their fringes long,
6 and they love the place of honor at feasts and the best seats in the synagogues
7 and greetings in the marketplaces and being called rabbi by others.
8 But you are not to be called rabbi, for you have one teacher, and you are all brothers.
9 And call no man your father on earth, for you have one Father, who is in heaven.
10 Neither be called instructors, for you have one instructor, the Christ.
11 The greatest among you shall be your servant. 1
2 Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted."
Wednesday, May 27, 2026
Making Peace May Not Be What You Think
Making peace through truth will be despised by those who love conflict. I am peaceful even when they are not; those who reject truth are the ones causing trouble, not the ones who speak truth.
God told us to be peace makers, not peace keepers who generally sweep things under the rug to avoid conflict.
When we speak truth boldly but lovingly, we are peace makers. Those who are dedicated to being liked and avoiding conflict while endorsing sin are not peace makers, they are peace keepers to protect themselves.
God never told us to "keep the peace." He told us to make peace by seeking the truth. The only solutions to problems are in facing the truth and presenting God's solutions as written in the Bible.
When we see that our attempts to make peace through truth are rejected, then it is time to move on from those who want to fight against genuineness, authenticity, and legitimacy.
Those who care about genuine resolution to problems will want to talk things out with love in their hearts, not confrontation.
Many years ago, a young woman approached me in angry tones, declaring that we were going to have a fight; this was her idea of resolving things. My answer was: "I am not going to fight with you, if you want to come back calm with a desire to understand my side too, then we can have a discussion." She never came back, which told me that all she wanted was to vent and refuse to hear me, a sort of hit-and-run attitude.
When someone comes to us with kindness in their voice and love in their heart to work out a problem and to discover our understanding, then that is when we know they are genuinely caring about our relationship. When they come with anger to attack, then it is only to win over us in some way.
It is not possible to help others understand us when they are dedicated to misunderstanding, twisting everything we say as something awful, then there is no reasoning with them.
Proverbs 18:1-3 "1 He who isolates himself pursues selfish desires; he rebels against all sound judgment. 2 A fool does not delight in understanding, but only in airing his opinions. 3 With a wicked man comes contempt as well, and shame is accompanied by disgrace."
God told us to be peace makers, not peace keepers who generally sweep things under the rug to avoid conflict.
When we speak truth boldly but lovingly, we are peace makers. Those who are dedicated to being liked and avoiding conflict while endorsing sin are not peace makers, they are peace keepers to protect themselves.
God never told us to "keep the peace." He told us to make peace by seeking the truth. The only solutions to problems are in facing the truth and presenting God's solutions as written in the Bible.
When we see that our attempts to make peace through truth are rejected, then it is time to move on from those who want to fight against genuineness, authenticity, and legitimacy.
Those who care about genuine resolution to problems will want to talk things out with love in their hearts, not confrontation.
Many years ago, a young woman approached me in angry tones, declaring that we were going to have a fight; this was her idea of resolving things. My answer was: "I am not going to fight with you, if you want to come back calm with a desire to understand my side too, then we can have a discussion." She never came back, which told me that all she wanted was to vent and refuse to hear me, a sort of hit-and-run attitude.
When someone comes to us with kindness in their voice and love in their heart to work out a problem and to discover our understanding, then that is when we know they are genuinely caring about our relationship. When they come with anger to attack, then it is only to win over us in some way.
It is not possible to help others understand us when they are dedicated to misunderstanding, twisting everything we say as something awful, then there is no reasoning with them.
Proverbs 18:1-3 "1 He who isolates himself pursues selfish desires; he rebels against all sound judgment. 2 A fool does not delight in understanding, but only in airing his opinions. 3 With a wicked man comes contempt as well, and shame is accompanied by disgrace."
Sealed Forever in Christ
Those who have trusted in Christ can believe Him when He says we are sealed forever.
Romans 10:9 "If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved."
Romans 8:15-16 "15 For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” 16 The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God,"
I John 2:3-5 "Now by this we know that we know Him, if we keep His commandments. He who says, “I know Him,” and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But whoever keeps His word, truly the love of God is perfected in him. By this we know that we are in Him."
1 John 5:13 "12 Whoever has the Son has life; whoever does not have the Son of God does not have life. 13 I have written these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God, so that you may know that you have eternal life."
When we are transformed by Christ His Holy Spirit lives in us, He never leaves us we are sealed until He takes us home.
Ephesians 1:13-14 " 13 And in Him, having heard and believed the word of truth— the gospel of your salvation— you were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, 14 who is the pledge of our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession, to the praise of His glory."
Romans 10:9 "If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved."
Romans 8:15-16 "15 For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” 16 The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God,"
I John 2:3-5 "Now by this we know that we know Him, if we keep His commandments. He who says, “I know Him,” and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But whoever keeps His word, truly the love of God is perfected in him. By this we know that we are in Him."
1 John 5:13 "12 Whoever has the Son has life; whoever does not have the Son of God does not have life. 13 I have written these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God, so that you may know that you have eternal life."
When we are transformed by Christ His Holy Spirit lives in us, He never leaves us we are sealed until He takes us home.
Ephesians 1:13-14 " 13 And in Him, having heard and believed the word of truth— the gospel of your salvation— you were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, 14 who is the pledge of our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession, to the praise of His glory."
Tuesday, May 26, 2026
Protecting Our Friendships
Sadly, "laughing emojis" were designed to laugh at jokes, but they are often used to mock others. When this is used at a serious comment meant to help, we know what kind of people these are who use them.
I was raised in a family that mocked to demean and intimidate so I am acutely aware of the covert ways in which people degrade others merely for disagreeing.
It is not possible to have a rational, loving discussion with those who use mocking and demeaning language to control the emotions of others.
We need not take these relationship destroyers seriously, but it is best to eliminate those from our lives who use underhanded and belittling language or gestures.
The reason to remove ourselves from those who use these techniques is to avoid wasting our time and a chance at being triggered.
Matthew 23:27-28 "Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men’s bones and every kind of impurity. / In the same way, on the outside you appear to be righteous, but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness."
Unreasonable people who mock and intimidate others cannot be trusted; they cannot be relied upon to make the right choices in life experiences. They cannot be relied upon to do the best for others; their only goal is to gossip and spoil the bonds between those who are their targets and the attachments of their targets.
These kinds of relationships destroyers ruin their own friendships, and our relationships with others.
In these last days of apostacy, it is difficult to find deep, lasting friendships. We must protect our connections from those who wish to destroy them.
Romans 16:17 "Now I urge you, brothers, to watch out for those who create divisions and obstacles that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Turn away from them."
2 Thessalonians 3:6 "Now we command you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, to keep away from any brother who leads an undisciplined life that is not in keeping with the tradition you received from us."
I was raised in a family that mocked to demean and intimidate so I am acutely aware of the covert ways in which people degrade others merely for disagreeing.
It is not possible to have a rational, loving discussion with those who use mocking and demeaning language to control the emotions of others.
We need not take these relationship destroyers seriously, but it is best to eliminate those from our lives who use underhanded and belittling language or gestures.
The reason to remove ourselves from those who use these techniques is to avoid wasting our time and a chance at being triggered.
Matthew 23:27-28 "Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men’s bones and every kind of impurity. / In the same way, on the outside you appear to be righteous, but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness."
Unreasonable people who mock and intimidate others cannot be trusted; they cannot be relied upon to make the right choices in life experiences. They cannot be relied upon to do the best for others; their only goal is to gossip and spoil the bonds between those who are their targets and the attachments of their targets.
These kinds of relationships destroyers ruin their own friendships, and our relationships with others.
In these last days of apostacy, it is difficult to find deep, lasting friendships. We must protect our connections from those who wish to destroy them.
Romans 16:17 "Now I urge you, brothers, to watch out for those who create divisions and obstacles that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Turn away from them."
2 Thessalonians 3:6 "Now we command you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, to keep away from any brother who leads an undisciplined life that is not in keeping with the tradition you received from us."
Saturday, May 23, 2026
The Second Timothy Three Generation
We are living in difficult times in which adult children are disobeying the Scriptures that command us to "honor our parents" and going with the culture that says "parents are stupid and have nothing to offer.?
2 Timothy 3:1-5
Difficult Times Will Come
3 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come.
2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, slanderers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy,
3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good,
4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God,
5 holding to a form of godliness although they have denied its power; avoid such people as these."
This generation of adult children is dedicated to misunderstanding. If they really wanted to understand, they would ask to hear more instead of interpreting what we say the way they think about us and not the way we really are.
We are living out 2 Timothy 3 now more blatantly than ever before. When we know this we do not have to take anythnig personally and we are free to move on from them without putting up with their nonsense.
Matthew 13:55-58
"55 Is this not the carpenter’s son? Is His mother not called Mary, and His brothers, James, Joseph, Simon, and Judas?
56 And His sisters, are they not all with us? Where then did this Man acquire all these things?”
57 And they took offense at Him. But Jesus said to them, “A prophet is not dishonored except in his hometown and in his own household.”
58 And He did not do many miracles there because of their unbelief."
Jesus Christ was rejected by His own people why would we think it would be different for us when we attempt to tell the truth and help others to trust in Christ.
Our confusion comes when we tell the truth of the Scriptures to Christians who act like those Christ refused to speak to because of their refusal to follow the Bible, Christ's own words.
Matthew 10:21-23 "…21 Brother will betray brother to death, and a father his child; children will rise against their parents and have them put to death. 22 You will be hated by everyone because of My name, but the one who perseveres to the end will be saved. 23 When they persecute you in one town, flee to the next. Truly I tell you, you will not reach all the towns of Israel before the Son of Man comes."
God never told us anywhere in His word to remain friendly with family members who reject His Word and reject you. He told us to move on to others.
Matthew 10:14 "And whoever does not receive you nor listen to your words, as you leave that house or city, shake the dust off your feet."
Never feel bad at having to remove yourself from those who reject the Word of God. We are only the messengers; God brings the increase, their response is His business.
2 Timothy 3:1-5
Difficult Times Will Come
3 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come.
2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, slanderers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy,
3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good,
4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God,
5 holding to a form of godliness although they have denied its power; avoid such people as these."
This generation of adult children is dedicated to misunderstanding. If they really wanted to understand, they would ask to hear more instead of interpreting what we say the way they think about us and not the way we really are.
We are living out 2 Timothy 3 now more blatantly than ever before. When we know this we do not have to take anythnig personally and we are free to move on from them without putting up with their nonsense.
Matthew 13:55-58
"55 Is this not the carpenter’s son? Is His mother not called Mary, and His brothers, James, Joseph, Simon, and Judas?
56 And His sisters, are they not all with us? Where then did this Man acquire all these things?”
57 And they took offense at Him. But Jesus said to them, “A prophet is not dishonored except in his hometown and in his own household.”
58 And He did not do many miracles there because of their unbelief."
Jesus Christ was rejected by His own people why would we think it would be different for us when we attempt to tell the truth and help others to trust in Christ.
Our confusion comes when we tell the truth of the Scriptures to Christians who act like those Christ refused to speak to because of their refusal to follow the Bible, Christ's own words.
Matthew 10:21-23 "…21 Brother will betray brother to death, and a father his child; children will rise against their parents and have them put to death. 22 You will be hated by everyone because of My name, but the one who perseveres to the end will be saved. 23 When they persecute you in one town, flee to the next. Truly I tell you, you will not reach all the towns of Israel before the Son of Man comes."
God never told us anywhere in His word to remain friendly with family members who reject His Word and reject you. He told us to move on to others.
Matthew 10:14 "And whoever does not receive you nor listen to your words, as you leave that house or city, shake the dust off your feet."
Never feel bad at having to remove yourself from those who reject the Word of God. We are only the messengers; God brings the increase, their response is His business.
Friday, May 22, 2026
Repentance and Forgiveness in Marriage
In marriage, when someone repents, and the spouse forgives, the impact of the sinful event diminishes greatly over time until it is only a faded memory and no longer a hurt.
The relationship becomes stronger than it was before, and the devil is put to flight. Hallelujah!!!!
If people would require accountability for offenses and the offender is sorrowful, then both parties grow emotionally and spiritually. Without this difficult process, no one changes, nothing good happens, and things even grow worse.
Reconciliation through confession and forgiveness is the only way anyone can benefit.
Sweeping things under the rug to merely feel better momentarily causes bitterness and further defiance.
We live in a culture that does not want to "work things out" through dialogue because it means we must evaluate ourselves and admit painful things about our character that need work.
What is missing is the attitude of "no pain no gain" in our relationships; the same mantra used for a physical workout is beneficial for character training in righteousness.
Colossians 3:17 "And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him".
Nothing we do ought to be done for comfort, ease or personal gratification, all must be done to improve ourselves and our relationships.
The relationship becomes stronger than it was before, and the devil is put to flight. Hallelujah!!!!
If people would require accountability for offenses and the offender is sorrowful, then both parties grow emotionally and spiritually. Without this difficult process, no one changes, nothing good happens, and things even grow worse.
Reconciliation through confession and forgiveness is the only way anyone can benefit.
Sweeping things under the rug to merely feel better momentarily causes bitterness and further defiance.
We live in a culture that does not want to "work things out" through dialogue because it means we must evaluate ourselves and admit painful things about our character that need work.
What is missing is the attitude of "no pain no gain" in our relationships; the same mantra used for a physical workout is beneficial for character training in righteousness.
Colossians 3:17 "And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him".
Nothing we do ought to be done for comfort, ease or personal gratification, all must be done to improve ourselves and our relationships.
Forgiveness God's Way
Thank the Lord for His system of relationships restoration. When confession of sin and brokenness occurs in the heart of the offender, the heart is changed forever.
When forgiveness is extended out of a deep love for the offender, then there is reconciliation.
When someone repents, and the spouse forgives, the impact of the sinful event diminishes greatly over time until it is only a faded memory and no longer a hurt.
People can and do change but only if there is a strong sense of hatred for sin. The person who forgives an offender is one who has sorrow for the pain the offender is going through and wants to restore them to fellowship.
Galatians 6:1-2 "1 Brothers, if someone is caught in a trespass, you who are spiritual should restore him with a spirit of gentleness. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. 2 Carry one another’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."
Restoration does not happen by flippanly saying words, its a spiritual desire to make things right, to be healed from the sin and to heal others of their pain of hurt.
When there is indifference to the offender and the only focus is on sparing oneself, then there is false forgiveness with a selfish motive. We ought to care more deeply about the spiritual well-being of the offender than we do about ourselves.
If we care about others, we will inform them about how their actions or attitudes have harmed someone so they can repent and be cleansed while the relationship is restored and strengthened.
Stoicism and psychology cares only about protecting oneself, very little about the rehabilitation of those who have repented. This is why it teaches; "forgive for your own sake" instead of the model of relationship restoration God requires.
Luke 17:4 "nd if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”
Let's not forget the part of this passage that says; "if the offender turns and says, 'I repent, ' you must forgive him."
When forgiveness is extended out of a deep love for the offender, then there is reconciliation.
When someone repents, and the spouse forgives, the impact of the sinful event diminishes greatly over time until it is only a faded memory and no longer a hurt.
People can and do change but only if there is a strong sense of hatred for sin. The person who forgives an offender is one who has sorrow for the pain the offender is going through and wants to restore them to fellowship.
Galatians 6:1-2 "1 Brothers, if someone is caught in a trespass, you who are spiritual should restore him with a spirit of gentleness. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. 2 Carry one another’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."
Restoration does not happen by flippanly saying words, its a spiritual desire to make things right, to be healed from the sin and to heal others of their pain of hurt.
When there is indifference to the offender and the only focus is on sparing oneself, then there is false forgiveness with a selfish motive. We ought to care more deeply about the spiritual well-being of the offender than we do about ourselves.
If we care about others, we will inform them about how their actions or attitudes have harmed someone so they can repent and be cleansed while the relationship is restored and strengthened.
Stoicism and psychology cares only about protecting oneself, very little about the rehabilitation of those who have repented. This is why it teaches; "forgive for your own sake" instead of the model of relationship restoration God requires.
Luke 17:4 "nd if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”
Let's not forget the part of this passage that says; "if the offender turns and says, 'I repent, ' you must forgive him."
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