I am running into a lot of people who are encountering narcissistic people who regularly verbally and emotionally abuse those who will not come under their control. One of the tactics of a narcissist is to devalue and rage against someone who will dare to disagree with them. They will take a small thing of little or no significance and blow it into irrational proportions to frustrate and control their target. Pettiness is enormous with a full blown narcissist. They will never admit their sin and they will never confess to reconcile. It's either obey them, think like they do and elevate them or you are nothing to them.
When we dare to correct or instruct a narcissist they will malign our character, rage at us and even covertly abuse us through subtle put downs when others are not looking. Sometimes they will cloak their abuse by claiming to only be joking, while cutting us down again for not laughing at their joke.
Proverbs 26:19 "So is the man who deceives his neighbor, And says, "Was I not joking?"
Often the arrogant verbal abuse manifests itself in mocking while denying our perspective and desires. For instance, the assertion that something is wrong with us if we don't like something. A good example is when we say we don't like something and the narc tells us the story of someone else who does like it. The implication is that someone else likes it so we must be wrong or evil.
The narcissist clearly has no tolerance for anyone who does not think like they do. Degrading or devaluing people because they aren't perfect replicas of themselves, is selfish and wicked. Those who are friends with narcs must be perfectly aligned with everything the narc loves and wants while at the same time elevating the narc to god like status, or the vicitm become the object of continual revenge in one form or another, either by subtle verbal abuse or covert devaluation.
Narcissists cannot validate anyone who does not elevate them. They will negate all that their scapegoat target do, thinks and is, as a form of punishment for their lack of worship of them. The narc hopes to bludgeon emotionally into submission those who have the audacity to think for themselves.
Some tactics of the covert narcissist are to leave you out of decisions that clearly would normally involve you, omitting important information in a discussion to appear the innocent party when in fact they generated the problem in the first place. They will ignore your accomplishments, argue with every statement you make and roll their eyes at you when they cannot refute your assertions. When directly proven to be wrong the narc will remain completely silent or accuse their victim of something, often unrelated to the topic.
Scapegoating is largely designed to blame the one who cannot be controlled by the narcissist, for all the problems the narc causes himself/herself. The sinful attitudes of the narc are excused by blaming the one they hate----scapegoating.
There is hate and contempt in the heart of the narc for anyone who does not revere them through a form of idol worship. These wicked people are mentioned in 2 Timothy 3:1-7.
1 This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.
2 For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,
3 Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good,
4 Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;
5 Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.
6 For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts,
7 Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth. "
I would like to encourage those who have to encounter a narcissist, you can and should remove yourself from them unless they are a spouse. Chances are good that these people have already influenced other extended family members against you, through triangulation, working to turn others against you either by subtle devaluation in the presence of others or overtly speaking lies about you to those who are ready and willing to believe the lies. Remember that "flying monkeys" will never believe you when you tell them how you are being treated. It is best to remove yourself from those who elevate the narcissist hanging on their every word.
God says to get away from these people and all those who believed their lies. If you are a victim of a narcissist through triangulation, then there may be entire families that you must walk away from, it is called "going no contact." You can have a happier and more productive life without these people. They will cause nothing but trouble in your life, making your walk with the Lord stressful and possibly ineffective.
Often these people are knowledgeable about the Bible but deny many of God's principles, appearing as believer, they are pretenders without love, empathy, kindness and giving. Most of their assertions about their Christian attributes are untrue, contrived and merely words.
One way to know if you are dealing with a narcissist is to disagree with them and watch what happens. If there is raging to intimidate or angry looks on their face, these are clues they have had a "narcissistic injury", they could not accept disagreement without perceiving it to be a personal attack. When they feel they have been discovered for what they are, they will begin their narcissistic assaults against us.
Remember, you do not have to be in contact with these people, God even commands us in 2 Timothy 3 to get away from them. And, also remember, that their accusations against you are not truth, they are simply manipulation to intimidate you into silence with the hope that they will be able to gain control over you again, it is hateful and diabolical, we know in short order, that is isn't about us at all but about their need to control everyone in their life.
Many cultic televangelists such as Benny Hinn, will rage against and even threaten those who chastise him. He has threatened others who come against his false religion. There are many like this, rather than addressing the disagreement they attack the reputation of their challenger, keeping the focus off of their evil while attempting to make the righteous one the bad guy.
There are thousands of people under the control of narcissists in the "religious" community. Their desire is not for the spiritual well being of those in their charge but rather their own pocket books. They want control and money, that is their goal.
Brothers and Sisters, get strong in the Lord by knowing His Word, praying for understanding and resolve not to follow any man. When Christ is our head we don't have to come under the thumb of those who want nothing more than to control others. Another thing to remember is that we are not called to be loved by man, but to place our trust in Christ alone. When we are so in tune with the Holy Spirit that lives in us, we can face the prospect of being completely alone while enjoying the company of the Holy Spirit.
God will send those who are kindred spirits in the Lord, they will be few in these last days but remember there are others who are in this dilemma, they too are alone, but we remain one in Christ with them, even if we don't see them until we go home.
Romans 14
"14:1 Now receive the one who is weak in the faith, and do not have disputes over differing opinions.
2 One person believes in eating everything, but the weak person eats only vegetables.
3 The one who eats everything must not despise the one who does not, and the one who abstains must not judge the one who eats everything, for God has accepted him.
4 Who are you to pass judgment on another’s servant? Before his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.
5 One person regards one day holier than other days, and another regards them all alike. Each must be fully convinced in his own mind.
6 The one who observes the day does it for the Lord. The one who eats, eats for the Lord because he gives thanks to God, and the one who abstains from eating abstains for the Lord, and he gives thanks to God.
7 For none of us lives for himself and none dies for himself.
8 If we live, we live for the Lord; if we die, we die for the Lord. Therefore, whether we live or die, we are the Lord’s.
9 For this reason Christ died and returned to life, so that he may be the Lord of both the dead and the living.
10 But you who eat vegetables only – why do you judge your brother or sister? And you who eat everything – why do you despise your brother or sister? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God.
11 For it is written, “As I live, says the Lord, every knee will bow to me, and every tongue will give praise to God.”
12 Therefore, each of us will give an account of himself to God.
13 Therefore we must not pass judgment on one another, but rather determine never to place an obstacle or a trap before a brother or sister.
14 I know and am convinced in the Lord Jesus that there is nothing unclean in itself; still, it is unclean to the one who considers it unclean.
15 For if your brother or sister is distressed because of what you eat, you are no longer walking in love. Do not destroy by your food someone for whom Christ died.
16 Therefore do not let what you consider good be spoken of as evil.
17 For the kingdom of God does not consist of food and drink, but righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit.
18 For the one who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and approved by people.
19 So then, let us pursue what makes for peace and for building up one another.
20 Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. For although all things are clean, it is wrong to cause anyone to stumble by what you eat.
21 It is good not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything that causes your brother to stumble.
22 The faith you have, keep to yourself before God. Blessed is the one who does not judge himself by what he approves.
23 But the man who doubts is condemned if he eats, because he does not do so from faith, and whatever is not from faith is sin."
One more thing to remember in all this the narc will attempt to get between us and others with whom we have a good relationships. Because of their contempt for us they will interpret our relationships with others in terms of their hatred for us rather than truth, they do not have the ability to rightly interpret what they see, it will always be misrepresented because of their heart and eyes full of disdain. They will work to come between us and others, our true and godly friends, will be able to see them for what they are, we need not worry.
Isaiah 57:4 ""Against whom do you jest? Against whom do you open wide your mouth And stick out your tongue? Are you not children of rebellion, Offspring of deceit,"
Proverbs 6:16-19 "
16 There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him:
17 haughty eyes, fa lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood,
18 ha heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil,
19 a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers"
