Sometimes, as I ponder a subject, thinking about all its nuances, the light bulb goes on, and I realize something about that matter that I don't hear anyone else talking or writing about.
This time, as I pondered my dislike for birthday celebrations for me, it occurred to me why I dislike them for myself.
I see no mention in the Bible of people throwing parties for birthdays, that alone does not make it questionable, however, as I considered the whole matter of birthdays I realized that they began back in Egypt in the ancient cultures to celebrate the day of the birth of a pharaoh as he was corronated as a leader into godhood.
Many cultures of the world do not celebrate the day of someone's birth as do Americans.
When I was a child, I waited anxiously for the day to come for my birthday because it meant cake and presents. There were no deeper thoughts than what I would get out of it for one day a year. When I grew up, I began asking the question, "Why do we do this?", The answer that came back from people was that they wanted to honor the person, letting them know they were glad they were born. O.K., that sounds nice, but it still didn't convince me it was something to do for that reason alone.
1 Corinthians 13:11 "When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I thought as a child, I reasoned as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things"
As an adult and later a Christian, I had no desire to be the center of attention, having a special day just for me; in fact, I found it embarrassing.
As I reflected on the matter of birthdays, I saw some things that didn't make sense to me. Wouldn't it be better to treat people with love, kindness, and respect all year, all the time, instead of the whole birthday celebration thing once a year? Some people we only hear from once a year on that day.
Often, I have seen family members wish you a happy birthday but are unkind, unloving, and rude the rest of the year. This didn't make sense to me because if they were really glad we were born, then wouldn't they be kind, loving, and respectful all the rest of the days of the year? Many are not even kind and loving on that celebration day; they force us into compliance with their plans without consulting us, and act angry if we don't do what they want.
That one day a year of birthday celebration can be a burden when the rest of the year has been so strenuous and heavy with disregard.
Then the Lord showed me why this simple and seemingly innocent day of celebration was questionable to me.
When someone who has been unkind most of the year suddenly on your birthday they are all smiles, gifts, and cake on your birthday, the celebration feels heavy and phony.
Matthew 15:7-9 "…7 You hypocrites! Isaiah prophesied correctly about you: 8‘These people honor Me with their lips, but their hearts are far from Me. 9 They worship Me in vain; they teach as doctrine the precepts of men.’ ”
Then God showed me this: when someone surprises you with a party on your birthday, you are obligated to fawn over the person who gives it, or you are seen as rude. Even if you don't like birthdays and would rather it be just another day, you are still expected to go along with what the others want for you on that day.
In fact, it has been my experience that it is futile to ask people not to bother with your birthday because they're so convinced you must have a celebration that you become the rude one for wanting to ignore your own day of birth. So, our birthday becomes not about us at all, but about those who want to have a party.
In my opinion, a valid one at that, if our birthday were about us, shouldn't we be consulted as to whether or not we have a celebration? Just saying!
I am convinced, based on what I have seen, that a "surprise birthday party" does not allow the person with a birthday a decision; the one planning the party disregards the feelings of the one they are supposedly honoring. To surprise someone is to force them into compliance without a choice, so it really isn't about honoring them, or there would be no celebration for those who don't want one.
Birthday celebrations are so much a part of our American culture that most people cannot understand, nor do they accept someone who does not want a celebration for themselves on their birthday. In fact, people are not taken seriously when they say, "Please don't do anything for my birthday."
The greeting card industry has managed to make people feel guilty if they don't send a card on the holidays. What an ingenious scam. Create a holiday that requires us to comply to cultural mandates to send a card and become wealthy over it.
Here is one example of cultural pressure to conform to others while claiming to honor us.
I have no problem with people having birthday celebrations if they want one, and I will even attend a birthday gathering for others when invited. But to foist our own desire for a party onto the one who does not want one is not about love or kindness; it is about pleasing the one who wants to be the center of attention for throwing the party.
On Facebook, I enjoy every day, the companionship of lovely believers who edify one another in Christ. I need nothing more than that in my life to give me a sense of belonging and purpose.
The day of our birth was significant, but the rest of our lives are much more significant.
Traditions of men are burdensome to those who wish not to participate.
Isaiah 1:11-15
“What good to Me is your multitude of sacrifices?” says the LORD. “I am full from the burnt offerings of rams and the fat of well-fed cattle; I take no delight in the blood of bulls and lambs and goats. / When you come to appear before Me, who has required this of you—this trampling of My courts? / Bring your worthless offerings no more; your incense is detestable to Me. New Moons, Sabbaths, and convocations—I cannot endure iniquity in a solemn assembly."
The Lord was not pleased with those who pretended to love Him in words and man's traditions but cared nothing for Him otherwise.
Those who throw surprise parties do it to be in control of the one who does not want a birthday celebration. They want the glory for giving the party without regard to the desires of the one they are supposedly honoring. There is no honor in being forced into a celebration for yourself that you never wanted. And, to top it all off, we are seen as the rude ones who don't want a party for ourselves; it just doesn't make any sense at all.
I am one of those people who want everything I do to have a Biblical purpose, and most human celebrations have little purpose except to bring glory to man.
Mark 7:1-22
Traditions and Commandments
7 Now when the Pharisees gathered to him, with some of the scribes who had come from Jerusalem,
2 they saw that some of his disciples ate with hands that were defiled, that is, unwashed.
3 (For the Pharisees and all the Jews do not eat unless they wash their hands properly, holding to the tradition of the elders,
4 and when they come from the marketplace, they do not eat unless they wash. And there are many other traditions that they observe, such as the washing of cups and pots and copper vessels and dining couches.
5 And the Pharisees and the scribes asked him, “Why do your disciples not walk according to the tradition of the elders, but eat with defiled hands?”
6 And he said to them, “Well did Isaiah prophesy of you hypocrites, as it is written,
“‘This people honors me with their lips,
but their heart is far from me;
7 in vain do they worship me,
teaching as doctrines the commandments of men.’"
So the conclusion of the matter for me is that if we want to honor someone, we would do what pleases them, even if it goes against the expected traditions of others. And, honor, love and kindness should be how we treat someone all year long.
If I were to choose to celebrate the day of my birth with someone, it would be those who treat me with love, kindness, and respect all the rest of the year, not those who use that one day a year to alleviate their own guilt for their dishonor all the rest of the year.
I think God must feel that way, too, when people claim to be honoring Him but disregard His principles and commands all the rest of the year.
Why do we do things? This is the important question for all matters.
