What Parents Can Learn From Teachers
The start of another school year is a big event for children and a big event for parents. Children have hopes of doing well and parents have hopes that their children will have a successful school year. Teachers also have hopes for the new school year.
This past summer, I was involved in a continuing education program for teachers. Teachers as you know are required to take continuing education courses to increase their effectiveness as teachers. During my discussion time with the teachers in my classes this summer, I asked them, how many had been teaching for over 20 years. The majority of the teachers raised their hands. I next asked them if they had seen any changes in children over the past 20 years. Their response was an instant yes. Unfortunately the changes they had observed over the past 20 years were not in the positive direction. Here is what they said:
The teachers I questioned of course were not referring to every single student. There are exceptions to the statements they made. However, without a doubt, the teachers I talked with were confident that the trends they have been observing involve the majority of their students.
As I listened to the concerns of the teachers this summer, I wondered what advice I could in turn, give to parents. Here is what I believe parents can learn from the trends teachers are seeing in their schools today.
CHILDREN GENERALLY DON'T RESPECT THEIR TEACHERS
There is no question that children have displayed an increase of disrespectful behavior towards adults over the past 20 years. I believe there are many reasons for this. Some of the reasons are:
Popular sitcoms where kids are allowed to talk back and make wise disrespectful statements to the adult characters; the laugh sound track associated with these statements give kids the impression that the often rude remarks are funny and acceptable.
Another source for today’s disrespect comes from 20 years of permissive parenting. Child experts in the past have convinced parents to not scold, punish or upset their children with discipline and to treat children as equals.
Movies have also played a part in encouraging children to be disrespectful of the adults in their lives. A recent "family" movie, for example ended with a little boy referring to his grandfather as an “old fart.”
The important point for parents to realize is that this trend of disrespect is not a good trend. Children who do well in life are children who have grown up learning to be respectful of adults and respectful of teachers. Many children will continue to be wise and rude to their teachers and even threaten them with lawsuits. But, as a parent you can go a long way towards helping your child have a successful life by teaching them while they are young, to be respectful of adults and their teachers.
CHILDREN ARE DISRESPECTFUL OF THEIR PEERS
Children have always been competitive with other children. And children have always teased and made fun of other children and formed cliques. But we have learned two things about today’s children from our research. One is that playful teasing has now become increasingly nasty. And secondly we have learned that continued disrespectful behavior between children can end up damaging a child’s personality.
Many professionals like myself believe that peer cruelty is out of control in our schools today. When children learn to be mean and nasty at an early age to other children they are learning a terrible lesson about life. So it is very important for parents to monitor how their children respond to other children and to help them become aware of the feelings and needs of other children. The biggest problem we have in our world today is people not being able to get along. Our hope for the future is in teaching children to become aware that cruel and nasty behavior is wrong and will hold them back in life.
CHILDREN ARE DISRESPECTFUL OF THEIR BELONGINGS
I no sooner heard this comment from teachers when I heard their follow up comment. They said, “Dr. you would not believe what our lost and found looks like...it looks like a fine department store.” And then the teachers related to me how surprised they are that the children are not concerned or worried over what they have lost or misplaced. A common comment from kids they said is, “my parents will buy me another one.”
In my opinion, only children who are indulged and showered with too much, could respond to losing their belongings in this manner. The answer to this problem is, of course, for parents to put the brakes on over-buying things for their children. Parents also need to let their children suffer the consequences of doing without the clothes, walkman, toy, etc. they lost. If a child has been repeatedly careless with his belongings, the parents should not rush out to buy a replacement.
Teachers often spend more time each day with children than parents. This means parents can learn a lot from teachers about the behavior of their children. The consensus today is that parents would be doing their children a huge favor by making sure to teach respect for authority, respect for peers and respect for possessions.
This past summer, I was involved in a continuing education program for teachers. Teachers as you know are required to take continuing education courses to increase their effectiveness as teachers. During my discussion time with the teachers in my classes this summer, I asked them, how many had been teaching for over 20 years. The majority of the teachers raised their hands. I next asked them if they had seen any changes in children over the past 20 years. Their response was an instant yes. Unfortunately the changes they had observed over the past 20 years were not in the positive direction. Here is what they said:
- Children today are disrespectful of their teachers
- Children today are disrespectful of their peers
- Children today are disrespectful of their possessions
The teachers I questioned of course were not referring to every single student. There are exceptions to the statements they made. However, without a doubt, the teachers I talked with were confident that the trends they have been observing involve the majority of their students.
As I listened to the concerns of the teachers this summer, I wondered what advice I could in turn, give to parents. Here is what I believe parents can learn from the trends teachers are seeing in their schools today.
CHILDREN GENERALLY DON'T RESPECT THEIR TEACHERS
There is no question that children have displayed an increase of disrespectful behavior towards adults over the past 20 years. I believe there are many reasons for this. Some of the reasons are:
Popular sitcoms where kids are allowed to talk back and make wise disrespectful statements to the adult characters; the laugh sound track associated with these statements give kids the impression that the often rude remarks are funny and acceptable.
Another source for today’s disrespect comes from 20 years of permissive parenting. Child experts in the past have convinced parents to not scold, punish or upset their children with discipline and to treat children as equals.
Movies have also played a part in encouraging children to be disrespectful of the adults in their lives. A recent "family" movie, for example ended with a little boy referring to his grandfather as an “old fart.”
The important point for parents to realize is that this trend of disrespect is not a good trend. Children who do well in life are children who have grown up learning to be respectful of adults and respectful of teachers. Many children will continue to be wise and rude to their teachers and even threaten them with lawsuits. But, as a parent you can go a long way towards helping your child have a successful life by teaching them while they are young, to be respectful of adults and their teachers.
CHILDREN ARE DISRESPECTFUL OF THEIR PEERS
Children have always been competitive with other children. And children have always teased and made fun of other children and formed cliques. But we have learned two things about today’s children from our research. One is that playful teasing has now become increasingly nasty. And secondly we have learned that continued disrespectful behavior between children can end up damaging a child’s personality.
Many professionals like myself believe that peer cruelty is out of control in our schools today. When children learn to be mean and nasty at an early age to other children they are learning a terrible lesson about life. So it is very important for parents to monitor how their children respond to other children and to help them become aware of the feelings and needs of other children. The biggest problem we have in our world today is people not being able to get along. Our hope for the future is in teaching children to become aware that cruel and nasty behavior is wrong and will hold them back in life.
CHILDREN ARE DISRESPECTFUL OF THEIR BELONGINGS
I no sooner heard this comment from teachers when I heard their follow up comment. They said, “Dr. you would not believe what our lost and found looks like...it looks like a fine department store.” And then the teachers related to me how surprised they are that the children are not concerned or worried over what they have lost or misplaced. A common comment from kids they said is, “my parents will buy me another one.”
In my opinion, only children who are indulged and showered with too much, could respond to losing their belongings in this manner. The answer to this problem is, of course, for parents to put the brakes on over-buying things for their children. Parents also need to let their children suffer the consequences of doing without the clothes, walkman, toy, etc. they lost. If a child has been repeatedly careless with his belongings, the parents should not rush out to buy a replacement.
Teachers often spend more time each day with children than parents. This means parents can learn a lot from teachers about the behavior of their children. The consensus today is that parents would be doing their children a huge favor by making sure to teach respect for authority, respect for peers and respect for possessions.
