Saturday, February 15, 2020
Self-Esteem Kills Manners
The Growing Disrespect
It was the practice many years ago for a man to stand up when a woman entered the room. This sign of respect is the same respect for women that Christ taught in His Word.
Nowadays men not only do not stand when a woman enters, but they will also even take a seat while a woman is standing without offering her the chair.
Real men recognize the value of a woman and will make sure she is taken care of before they attend to their own needs. It used to be the practice for a man to rise from his seat on the bus to offer it to a woman who was standing.
I have little respect for the men these days because of their deliberate contempt for women. They have taken the opportunity provided by women's lib to excuse their devaluation of women. In earlier days a man would never tell a dirty joke or use a cuss word in the presence of a woman. Now we have women talking and acting like drunken sailors thinking this gainst them respect when in fact it has fostered all the disrespect in the men. Now we have the emergence of anger on the part of young people when you correct their language or disrespect.
Women's lib did nothing to foster respect for women in our culture. They managed to remove all the respect that was already there in favor of being treated just like a man treats another man. What a travesty this has been in demeaning and devaluing women.
Decent men had respect for women, it is very rare in our culture to meet a younger man who understands this concept of elevating women to the status of special importance.
I was in a coffee shop a few years ago waiting for my special coffee. I don't go to these places often because they are expensive. However, on this occasion, I was on my way to somewhere else and was early so I thought I would stop in and sit for a while until it was time to go.
I ordered my coffee and went to sit down to wait for it. While I was sitting in a chair that had been empty I was approached by a man in his thirties who asked me to please get up because he wanted to sit near a friend who was in the same little alcove. I wouldn't have thought anything of it had he left his bag there but even then a respectful man would have quietly picked up his bag and moved it and another chair to sit with his friend.
Just one generation ago a younger man would never have asked an elderly lady to get up and give him a chair without offering her another one. There were no other chairs available nearby so the young man's rudeness left me standing to wait. Since I had no chair to relax in while waiting I didn't stay when my coffee was ready.
This may seem petty to some people who are used to disrespect in this culture but for me, it was disrespect for your elders. I see this kind of attitude often in young people today. They do not listen respectfully, they argue and chastise to be superior.
I gave the foolish young man his chair without a word because in our culture today the young people who are brasen enough to ask an old lady to get out of a chair would have also fought in anger to get it. I had no desire to fight over a chair. Then I prayed for him as I left the coffee shop, that God would somehow teach him manners.
Also, I noticed that there were other men in the room who watched him do this but said nothing to him about it unless it was after I left. No one defended me, helped me or spoke up for me. Welcome to our world today, disrespect abounds and no one has the strength to stand up for what is right.
When no one stands up for righteousness the whole world becomes unrighteous.
Our practice when we were young was to listen to an elderly person patiently without a word even if we disagreed with them. If we chose to speak after hearing, we would do it with respect and never with rage or anger. Now nearly all the younger people respond in anger when we disagree, or when we say they are wrong about something.
Telling someone they are wrong is the new hate speech. Once in a while, I meet a young person who has been well trained in manners and will do the right thing, but they are rare.
Nowadays men not only do not stand when a woman enters, but they will also even take a seat while a woman is standing without offering her the chair.
Real men recognize the value of a woman and will make sure she is taken care of before they attend to their own needs. It used to be the practice for a man to rise from his seat on the bus to offer it to a woman who was standing.
I have little respect for the men these days because of their deliberate contempt for women. They have taken the opportunity provided by women's lib to excuse their devaluation of women. In earlier days a man would never tell a dirty joke or use a cuss word in the presence of a woman. Now we have women talking and acting like drunken sailors thinking this gainst them respect when in fact it has fostered all the disrespect in the men. Now we have the emergence of anger on the part of young people when you correct their language or disrespect.
Women's lib did nothing to foster respect for women in our culture. They managed to remove all the respect that was already there in favor of being treated just like a man treats another man. What a travesty this has been in demeaning and devaluing women.
Decent men had respect for women, it is very rare in our culture to meet a younger man who understands this concept of elevating women to the status of special importance.
I was in a coffee shop a few years ago waiting for my special coffee. I don't go to these places often because they are expensive. However, on this occasion, I was on my way to somewhere else and was early so I thought I would stop in and sit for a while until it was time to go.
I ordered my coffee and went to sit down to wait for it. While I was sitting in a chair that had been empty I was approached by a man in his thirties who asked me to please get up because he wanted to sit near a friend who was in the same little alcove. I wouldn't have thought anything of it had he left his bag there but even then a respectful man would have quietly picked up his bag and moved it and another chair to sit with his friend.
Just one generation ago a younger man would never have asked an elderly lady to get up and give him a chair without offering her another one. There were no other chairs available nearby so the young man's rudeness left me standing to wait. Since I had no chair to relax in while waiting I didn't stay when my coffee was ready.
This may seem petty to some people who are used to disrespect in this culture but for me, it was disrespect for your elders. I see this kind of attitude often in young people today. They do not listen respectfully, they argue and chastise to be superior.
I gave the foolish young man his chair without a word because in our culture today the young people who are brasen enough to ask an old lady to get out of a chair would have also fought in anger to get it. I had no desire to fight over a chair. Then I prayed for him as I left the coffee shop, that God would somehow teach him manners.
Also, I noticed that there were other men in the room who watched him do this but said nothing to him about it unless it was after I left. No one defended me, helped me or spoke up for me. Welcome to our world today, disrespect abounds and no one has the strength to stand up for what is right.
When no one stands up for righteousness the whole world becomes unrighteous.
Our practice when we were young was to listen to an elderly person patiently without a word even if we disagreed with them. If we chose to speak after hearing, we would do it with respect and never with rage or anger. Now nearly all the younger people respond in anger when we disagree, or when we say they are wrong about something.
Telling someone they are wrong is the new hate speech. Once in a while, I meet a young person who has been well trained in manners and will do the right thing, but they are rare.
The Nature of a Cult
Like me, you have probably heard about cults who brainwash those they entice into believing their family members are dangerous to them.
We have a similar phenomenon among families in which those in positions of authorities, such as fathers and mothers, convince the siblings of the scapegoat that something is wrong with the scapegoat. This is referred to as "family mobbings."
The leaders poke continually at the scapegoat until the scapegoat is confused about their place in the family wondering what they did to deserve the contempt coming from the parents that have been passed down from them to the siblings.
I hear about this problem all the time. Many people who were loving empathetic people attempted to show their love only to be treated as if it was foolish and even phony.
One example of this is a young girl who was at the beach with a youth group for the day. She had been on the beach with her friends watching someone who had been swept out to sea with his girlfriend on lounge floaters.
Someone came up to her to tell her that one of the people in the water was her brother. He and his girlfriend were unable to get back to shore because the tide was going out and the waves between two rocks were crashing so violently that the two could not come back. The coast guard was called and the brother and his friend were rescued.
The sister was so alarmed at seeing her brother out to sea that she began to cry. When he was rescued she ran up to him to give him a hug, his response was to push her away as though she were foolish for hugging him. He said emphatically, "get away." Never was there an apology for treating his sister this way but the same mentality remained all of their lives. Keep in mind that the sister and brother were only a year and a half apart in age and they were in their teen years when this happened. Sadly the target in this story was treated with this kind of contempt all her life until this very day. Everything she said, everything she did and even the good choices and accomplishments was treated with the same contempt. Usually, the accomplishments came in the form of "ghosting", that is to completely ignore it as though it were unworthy of mention.
The sister loved her brothers and spent a lifetime of trying to be accepted by them only to be rebuffed at the attempts.
When someone is in a family cult that has operated in a way that constantly validates the family and demeans the scapegoat, that scapegoat learns she will never be accepted, especially when these kinds of things continue happening into old age.
As these narcissists grow older choosing spouses they also choose those who learn to treat the scapegoat in the same way through watching how their spouse treats the scapegoat, they too learn to act the same way as their spouse.
"More is caught than taught" is a phrase I have learned over the years that describe the reason others will get on board with the narcissist without even knowing why the target is being treated the way they are with extended family.
Those who are non-thinkers will follow the crowd without any or with little information merely to fit into the crowd that validates them if they do and say all the things the narcissist wishes.
This pack mentality exists in churches too. Many people act the way others want them to in order to be a member of the pack. Often they don't even know why they act the way they do, it's without thinking that allows them to remain trapped in these cultic systems.
When being accepted by the group means more than truth, the group is willing to treat others as insignificant and even exacting revenge on those who will not fall in line with them. There is no love in this sort of cult. There is only a superficial kindness predicated on an elevation of the cult. The cult must take priority over anyone else. The cult is contemptuous toward those who dare to have friends outside of that cult.
The apostate church is emulating the world more than Christ if Christ to any degree. The world looks on outward appearances and acceptance to groups rather than to Christ. The measure of their goodness is based on the rules they follow, the people they know and the things they say, but not on Christ.
The story of the swept out to sea teen demonstrates the principle that love is rejected when openly displayed unless it is a validation of the ways of the narcissist. Love embarrasses a narcissist, they see it as a weakness. This is the reason we see so little of it in the church today.
The apostate church is all about appearances and friendliness never about intimacy and transparency. Transparency demands we tell the truth even when it isn't pretty. Notice too that narcissist do not spend time with ill people. They have an aversion to those they perceive as weak, illness to them is a weakness. They do not like to admit they are ill and will not spend time with others who are ill.
Happiness, play and good appearances are the goal of the narcissist. Anyone who does not meet with these superficial values will not be accepted into the narcissistic cult.
When we see these things absent from the church, "love, joy, peace, gentleness, kindness, and self-control" absent from the cult gathering we know the Holy Spirit is not there either. Since these things are the character qualities of the Holy Spirit they cannot exist without Him.
Galatians 5:22-23
"22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things, there is no law.
As born again believer we can see these things, they are character qualities that can be seen even when there are not actions. The Holy Spirit in us is able to discern them in other born again believers.
In these last days, we might be tempted to be confused that perhaps we are the problem in our relationships. If we have done wrong or have wrong attitudes the Holy Spirit will convict us and redirect our attitude to be able to produce right actions.
However, when we cannot see what we have done to deserve the contempt from the narcissist if we do not understand the vicious mentality of these end times.
2 Timothy 4:2-4 "…2 Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and encourage with every form of patient instruction. 3 For the time will come when men will not tolerate sound doctrine, but with itching ears they will gather around themselves teachers to suit their own desires. 4 So they will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths."
In the turning away their ears the narcissists will become angry and vengeful, assigning to us the evil that the narcissist is that we are not practicing. The narcissist desires for us to b be as evil as they are, so they work to make it appear so to others around them. If they cannot cause us to rage as they do, they will lie to others to influence their perception of us.
Romans 2:8
"But for those who are self-seeking and who reject the truth and follow wickedness, there will be wrath and anger."
James 3:16
"For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every evil practice."
When you have prayed and sought the Word of God to evaluate yourself, making sure you are not sinning, then you can evaluate the circumstance and the person who attacks you unjustly.
It is easy to ignore feelings and even eliminate them when dealing with a narcissist when you are assured by God that you did nothing to deserve it.
The apostles and Jesus Christ Himself experienced false accusations and undeserved anger toward them.
Matthew 7:5 "You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye."
When we are born again we do not fear to take a good look at our own actions and words, we desire to be pleasing to God. If we are shown to be wrong by the conviction of the Holy Spirit then we are glad to confess to being cleansed, carrying on to continue in a different direction.
1 John 1:9
"9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
Those who are not born again will fight and argue to defend their sin, they know they are sinful but want to pretend they are not so. Each rejection of rebuke from another believer and resistance to the Holy Spirit is further hardening the heart against the truth.
IF there is no confession there is no growth, if there is a refusal to confess there is no forgiveness.
We have a similar phenomenon among families in which those in positions of authorities, such as fathers and mothers, convince the siblings of the scapegoat that something is wrong with the scapegoat. This is referred to as "family mobbings."
The leaders poke continually at the scapegoat until the scapegoat is confused about their place in the family wondering what they did to deserve the contempt coming from the parents that have been passed down from them to the siblings.
I hear about this problem all the time. Many people who were loving empathetic people attempted to show their love only to be treated as if it was foolish and even phony.
One example of this is a young girl who was at the beach with a youth group for the day. She had been on the beach with her friends watching someone who had been swept out to sea with his girlfriend on lounge floaters.
Someone came up to her to tell her that one of the people in the water was her brother. He and his girlfriend were unable to get back to shore because the tide was going out and the waves between two rocks were crashing so violently that the two could not come back. The coast guard was called and the brother and his friend were rescued.
The sister was so alarmed at seeing her brother out to sea that she began to cry. When he was rescued she ran up to him to give him a hug, his response was to push her away as though she were foolish for hugging him. He said emphatically, "get away." Never was there an apology for treating his sister this way but the same mentality remained all of their lives. Keep in mind that the sister and brother were only a year and a half apart in age and they were in their teen years when this happened. Sadly the target in this story was treated with this kind of contempt all her life until this very day. Everything she said, everything she did and even the good choices and accomplishments was treated with the same contempt. Usually, the accomplishments came in the form of "ghosting", that is to completely ignore it as though it were unworthy of mention.
The sister loved her brothers and spent a lifetime of trying to be accepted by them only to be rebuffed at the attempts.
When someone is in a family cult that has operated in a way that constantly validates the family and demeans the scapegoat, that scapegoat learns she will never be accepted, especially when these kinds of things continue happening into old age.
As these narcissists grow older choosing spouses they also choose those who learn to treat the scapegoat in the same way through watching how their spouse treats the scapegoat, they too learn to act the same way as their spouse.
"More is caught than taught" is a phrase I have learned over the years that describe the reason others will get on board with the narcissist without even knowing why the target is being treated the way they are with extended family.
Those who are non-thinkers will follow the crowd without any or with little information merely to fit into the crowd that validates them if they do and say all the things the narcissist wishes.
This pack mentality exists in churches too. Many people act the way others want them to in order to be a member of the pack. Often they don't even know why they act the way they do, it's without thinking that allows them to remain trapped in these cultic systems.
When being accepted by the group means more than truth, the group is willing to treat others as insignificant and even exacting revenge on those who will not fall in line with them. There is no love in this sort of cult. There is only a superficial kindness predicated on an elevation of the cult. The cult must take priority over anyone else. The cult is contemptuous toward those who dare to have friends outside of that cult.
The apostate church is emulating the world more than Christ if Christ to any degree. The world looks on outward appearances and acceptance to groups rather than to Christ. The measure of their goodness is based on the rules they follow, the people they know and the things they say, but not on Christ.
The story of the swept out to sea teen demonstrates the principle that love is rejected when openly displayed unless it is a validation of the ways of the narcissist. Love embarrasses a narcissist, they see it as a weakness. This is the reason we see so little of it in the church today.
The apostate church is all about appearances and friendliness never about intimacy and transparency. Transparency demands we tell the truth even when it isn't pretty. Notice too that narcissist do not spend time with ill people. They have an aversion to those they perceive as weak, illness to them is a weakness. They do not like to admit they are ill and will not spend time with others who are ill.
Happiness, play and good appearances are the goal of the narcissist. Anyone who does not meet with these superficial values will not be accepted into the narcissistic cult.
When we see these things absent from the church, "love, joy, peace, gentleness, kindness, and self-control" absent from the cult gathering we know the Holy Spirit is not there either. Since these things are the character qualities of the Holy Spirit they cannot exist without Him.
Galatians 5:22-23
"22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things, there is no law.
As born again believer we can see these things, they are character qualities that can be seen even when there are not actions. The Holy Spirit in us is able to discern them in other born again believers.
In these last days, we might be tempted to be confused that perhaps we are the problem in our relationships. If we have done wrong or have wrong attitudes the Holy Spirit will convict us and redirect our attitude to be able to produce right actions.
However, when we cannot see what we have done to deserve the contempt from the narcissist if we do not understand the vicious mentality of these end times.
2 Timothy 4:2-4 "…2 Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and encourage with every form of patient instruction. 3 For the time will come when men will not tolerate sound doctrine, but with itching ears they will gather around themselves teachers to suit their own desires. 4 So they will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths."
In the turning away their ears the narcissists will become angry and vengeful, assigning to us the evil that the narcissist is that we are not practicing. The narcissist desires for us to b be as evil as they are, so they work to make it appear so to others around them. If they cannot cause us to rage as they do, they will lie to others to influence their perception of us.
Romans 2:8
"But for those who are self-seeking and who reject the truth and follow wickedness, there will be wrath and anger."
James 3:16
"For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every evil practice."
When you have prayed and sought the Word of God to evaluate yourself, making sure you are not sinning, then you can evaluate the circumstance and the person who attacks you unjustly.
It is easy to ignore feelings and even eliminate them when dealing with a narcissist when you are assured by God that you did nothing to deserve it.
The apostles and Jesus Christ Himself experienced false accusations and undeserved anger toward them.
Matthew 7:5 "You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye."
When we are born again we do not fear to take a good look at our own actions and words, we desire to be pleasing to God. If we are shown to be wrong by the conviction of the Holy Spirit then we are glad to confess to being cleansed, carrying on to continue in a different direction.
1 John 1:9
"9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
Those who are not born again will fight and argue to defend their sin, they know they are sinful but want to pretend they are not so. Each rejection of rebuke from another believer and resistance to the Holy Spirit is further hardening the heart against the truth.
IF there is no confession there is no growth, if there is a refusal to confess there is no forgiveness.
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