A narcissist will pick at their target in subtle ways day after day until one day they can no longer stand it, the target blows up and the narcissist stands by with contempt and glee that the target has lost control. One of the favorite tactics of the narcissist is to do something unkind, stealth-fully, covertly when no one is looking and then act the victim when the target confronts them on it. I have seen someone who continually taunted someone with verbal abuse and laughed when their victim began to shout at them to stop.
Narcissists know how to work their victims, by doing their dastardly deeds often in private where no one else can see, while portraying the sweet loving and kind pillar of the community in the company of others. Often those who are superficial friends or relatives of the narcissist think they are wonderful, accomplished and friendly people, not understanding why the target is not enamored with the narcissist as much as they are, little do they know that behind closed doors a lot of very calculated meanness is occurring.
The worst thing a target can do is to emote in any way in front of the narcissist. Narcissists see emotion as weakness, even kindness is seen as vulnerability. The harder a victim cries the angrier and meaner a narcissist will get.
I have known people who have done kind things for someone, only to be treated as though they did something evil or bad instead of the narcissist appreciating the kindness, they mocked or demeaned it in some way.
It is my belief that narcissism is growing in our time because it is prophetic, prophesy as described in 2 Timothy 3 tells us there would be an increase in these hateful and deliberate maneuvers.
2 Timothy 3:1-5 3 “But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. 2 For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, 4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 holding to a form of]godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these.”
Notice that in 2 Timothy 4 we see the phrase “haters of good”, this is not just a life philosophy, this is a deep hatred of anyone who does well and lives righteously. Kind acts are seen as an affront to the narcissists because it “one-ups” them in their mind. No one can appear better than they are in any way, or they will become targets.
Narcissist’s lack self-control, they become enraged when confronted with their sin, rather than being ashamed they rage with more intensity to regain the top position. Also they cannot tolerate anyone who appears or does anything better than they, spawns deep resentment.
These things are devilish, when we know that we have encountered a narcissist, someone whose bent is self-exaltation, lacking empathy for others while demeaning anyone that would dare to express truth, we are commanded by God to remove ourselves from them. Verse 5 of 2 Timothy tells us to “avoid such men as these.”
We are going to see much more of this as our nation and the world progresses in wickedness, the devil is working diligently to destroy lives and relationships. We can fight the battles with prayer, while removing ourselves from those who have no good in mind for us.
When we realize we must remove ourselves from those who would work to ruin us and our relationships, we can once again regain the joy that has been there all along buried under all the grief brought by the devil through these people.
It is only through Christ that the narcissist can change, we know it will not be through us that they see the error of their ways, God must be the one to work on our behalf while we get out of the way.
Knowledge is power, if we know the Word of God, are walking in the Holy Spirit, we can see the tactics of the devil and the people he uses, it makes all the difference in the world in terms of our spiritual and emotional health.
Remember the battle belongs to God!
