Keeping A Confidence

Next time someone says, "I heard what you said about "so and so", you should not be gossiping"", be sure to remind them that listening to the person who told them and then repeating it back to you as if it were true, means they listened to gossip and believed it before hearing both sides, they were engaging in gossip themselves.

Gossip wouldn't go very far if those hearing it didn't listen or believe what they hear. It is also not gossip to share something that happened to us personally.

Those that accuse others of gossiping are gossiping in repeating it to anyone else. Sometimes things are said in confidence, they are not meant to harm anyone, only to share struggles to a trusted friend.

The one who repeats the confidence to anyone else is gossiping, these people can no longer be trusted with information.

The best way to handle someone who repeats what someone else said about them, is to choose not to believe it, remembering that a true friend would never tell another person what others are saying about them.

A true friend would never use against us, a confidence, they would pray, they would encourage but they would not severely judge.

There are those who fish for information to be able to have something on us to gossip about. One of the tell tale signs of this is asking questions while never sharing anything of their own. They are suspect because they are guarded about their own things, suggesting that they believe we would use something against them the way they do with others.

Often the narcissist will gather information to be able to make negative judgments and then pass those judgments on to others as facts.

When we meet someone like this, as soon as we realize what is happening, it is a good idea to end the relationship, take no more calls from them and ignore any other flying monkey interactions.

Flying monkeys are those that do the bidding of the evil doer, believe the gossip and treat with contempt those that were gossiped about, because of what they think they know.

There is a lot of drama going on in the world now because of the jealousy, contempt for righteousness and down right meanness of those who love to feel superior.

We can learn who to avoid and who to embrace in relationships. The gossip, who hears, believes and uses contempt as a judgment, will have nothing of value to add to our lives, their tactics are ruinous and can be devastating.

Proverbs 26:21 "Like charcoal to hot embers and wood to fire, So is a contentious man to kindle strife."

Romans 12:9-21 "9 Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil; cling to what is good.

10 Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor;

11 not lagging behind in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; 12 rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer,

13 contributing to the needs of the saints, practicing hospitality.

14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.

15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.

16 Be of the same mind toward one another; do not be haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly. Do not be wise in your own estimation.

17 Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men.

18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. 19 Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.

20 “But if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.”

21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

Adversity and Growth are Necessary Companions

I put these two posts together because they seemed to compliment one another.

God never told us to forgive so we feel better and so they will like Jesus, He gave us the criteria and it involved consequences and restoration when someone did the right thing.

Encouraging someone when they are bad is like throwing gasoline on a fire. Gasoline doesn't put the fire out it makes it become more intense. Of course the fire wants the gas to keep going, but it is not good for anyone else that it keep going.
Gwendolyn Wehage

"Jesus said, "Blessed are the poor in spirit" - contrary to what we would expect, brokenness is the pathway to blessing! There are no alternative routes; there are no short-cuts. The very thing we dread and are tempted to resist is actually the means to God's greatest blessings in our lives."
- Nancy Leigh DeMoss

Throwing Gasoline on a Fire

God never told us to forgive so we feel better and so they will like Jesus, He gave us the criteria and it involved consequences and restoration when someone did the right thing.

Encouraging someone when they are bad is like throwing gasoline on a fire. Gasoline doesn't put the fire out it makes it become more intense. Of course the fire wants the gas to keep going, but it is not good for anyone else that it keep going.

Brokenness is the Only Healing

"Jesus said, "Blessed are the poor in spirit" - contrary to what we would expect, brokenness is the pathway to blessing! There are no alternative routes; there are no short-cuts. The very thing we dread and are tempted to resist is actually the means to God's greatest blessings in our lives."
- Nancy Leigh DeMoss

The Clues Tell A Story

Important clues that someone you love is a narcissist. Everyone has done or said mean things from time to time in their life, it is part of the human condition. Those who are born again hate it when they do it, confess it and never want to do it again.

However, when these attitudes are a continual life experience, we can be sure there is a lifestyle and heart of sinfulness involved. I find it hard to believe that a born again believer would possess these traits on a continual basis, when God says "you shall know them by their fruits."

Traits of a deeply selfish person:

Traits list comes from: "Narcissistic Relationships: The Downside to Loving a Narcissist"

"*Sense of entitlement or superiority
•*Lack of empathy
•*Manipulative or controlling behavior
•*Strong need for admiration
•*Focus on getting one’s own needs met, often ignoring the needs of others
•*Higher levels of aggression
•*Difficulty taking feedback about their behavior"

God says this about the fruit of God's Spirit in a believers life;

Luke 6:44 ""For each tree is known by its own fruit. For men do not gather figs from thorns, nor do they pick grapes from a briar bush."

Galatians 5:22-23 "22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law."

We know deep in our soul when someone is walking rebelliously or when they love the Lord. Oil and water don't mix, our Spirit bears witness with the Spirit of those who love Christ, but we do not connect with those who claim to be Christians but live a lifestyle of arrogance centered on humanistic wisdom and self exaltation.

It is not a good idea to assume someone is a Christian because they say they are, it is best to confront them on their lifestyle and attitudes and send them to God to ask Him if they were ever born again. Chances are good, if we are met with rage and hatred over our challenge, the person we confront is not born again.

Those who are born again, feel humbled and sad that they have displayed sinful tendencies and will go to prayer to see if it is true. Chances are good they will have seen their own behavior before they were confronted while the Holy Spirit was convicting them.

Rage and anger is a clue that we are dealing with someone who has never been changed into a new creation, but has learned the cultural Christian things to say and be in the presence of others, while showing a completely different persona to those they have no respect for, usually anyone who sees the real them.

May the Lord guide us in truth as we walk through this life. It is better to offend someone for a time to bring them to repentance, than to flatter them now and watch their life further deteriorate or comfort them into hell.

2 Corinthians 7:1-9 "1 Therefore, having these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all defilement of flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God.
2 Make room for us in your hearts; we wronged no one, we corrupted no one, we took advantage of no one.
3 I do not speak to condemn you, for I have said before that you are in our hearts to die together and to live together.
4 Great is my confidence in you; great is my boasting on your behalf. I am filled with comfort; I am overflowing with joy in all our affliction.
5 For even when we came into Macedonia our flesh had no rest, but we were afflicted on every side: conflicts without, fears within.
6 But God, who comforts the depressed, comforted us by the coming of Titus;
7 and not only by his coming, but also by the comfort with which he was comforted in you, as he reported to us your longing, your mourning, your zeal for me; so that I rejoiced even more.
8 For though * I caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it; though * I did regret it-for I see that that letter caused you sorrow, though * only for a while -
9 I now rejoice, not that you were made sorrowful, but that you were made sorrowful to the point of repentance; for you were made sorrowful according to the will of God, so that you might not suffer loss in anything through us."