Did you know "lying by omission" is actually a sin. We may be telling the truth, but leave out information that actually gives the hearer the opposite impression of the event, causing them to end up believing a lie.
For instance someone may say "I went to the store yesterday and bought a banana", but in fact they bought a lot of other things too, failing to mention the other things.
The purpose was that, perhaps the spouse of the shopper asked them not to spend a lot of money until payday, but rather than honor the request of the spouse, the shopper buys what they want without regard for the amount and relays the message to their spouse that they bought "a" banana, which they did.
We may say the sin was the purchasing of more things than we agreed with our spouse. However, the real sin was not the money so much as the disregard for the desires of our spouse. The shopper disregarded the person by disregarding their desires. It was a demonstration of disrespect through dishonesty and lack of empathy for the feelings of someone else. It was about loving and respecting the person.
It was true they bought a banana, but they actually gave the impression that the banana was all they purchased, leaving the spouse with a half truth that was very different from the whole truth.
Whenever we deliberately leave out information to change the perception of an act, a half truth, we have just told a whole lie.
Whenever we choose to withhold information for the purpose of controlling others, we damage a relationship. Eventually those we do this with will catch on and begin to distrust us. When the trust in lost, that someone will not always tell us the truth, then the relationship goes down hill from there.
Trust can only be regained when the party who tells half truth lies, admits their sin of deception, then we know they are serious about not repeating it.
Without confession there is no assurance that a behavior will stop. It is the embarrassment of having to confess that works as a deterrent to repeat offenses.
1 John 1:9 "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
Notice in the 1 John verse we see that we can only be cleansed of a sin if we confess it. God will not do a work in us until we have admitted our sin. One has to want to be fixed to receive forgiveness and cleansing.
James 5:16 "Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."
Not only are we to confess to God our sins, but also to any person whom we have offended. As believers we are in relationships, one of those relationships is with Christ and the others are with those around us.
When we have offended a believer we are to reconcile with our brother or sister to be restored to the relationship. When we have offended a non-believer we are to confess to restore our witness as a follower of Christ.
My motto: Just admit the sin, ask forgiveness and take our lumps.
A truly humble person is not focused on whether or not someone will forgive them, but rather on their own heart and what needs to be done. If someone chooses not to forgive, it might make us sad, but it will not make us rage because we know we deserved it.
If someone is not forgiven and they rage over that, then they were probably only manipulating in the confession. True confession is sorry they harmed someone and is willing to take whatever is dished out for them.
We hope others will forgive, but that should not be the purpose, the purpose is to humble ourselves and obey God.
Proverbs 28:13 "Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy."
We cannot change our attitudes and actions until we have to go through the process of confession of sin. God will not change our heart if we have no desire to be changed.
Psalm 35:5 "I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity; I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,” and you forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah"
Acts 19:18 "Also many of those who were now believers came, confessing and divulging their practices."
James 4:17 "So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin."
Psalm 51:1-5 "To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David, when Nathan the prophet went to him, after he had gone in to Bathsheba. Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin! For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you may be justified in your words and blameless in your judgment. Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me."
Have you ever wondered why some people seem to never grow spiritually or emotionally? The answer is because they will never admit their need for change, they have a far too elevated view of their own importance and will not take the chance on being discovered as imperfect. It is the same "god" status that the devil displayed when he was thrown out of heaven.
Bottom line: confession not only brings spiritual growth and maturity, it also cleanses us to be free from the guilt of our sin. If we do not confess the guilt remains, grows and festers, causing a continuing hardening of the heart. If this process of ignoring guilt goes on too long, we become hard hearted possibly without the ability to feel guilt anymore.
1 Timothy 4:1-2 "1But the Spirit explicitly says that in later times some will fall away from the faith, paying attention to deceitful spirits and doctrines of demons, 2by means of the hypocrisy of liars seared in their own conscience as with a branding iron,"
Do not allow your heart to be hardened through prideful resistance to confession. There is much more to be gained by going through the confession and forsaking process as laid out in Scripture, than we thought we would ever gain by hiding our sin, continually having to cover it, produce more lies to cover the first lie, it is a slippery slope without any benefits.
Monday, April 18, 2016
Christ is the Answer, Humility a Necessity
Narcissistic abusers attempt to isolate the victim or scapegoat, since the best way to stay in control and lord it over someone, is to remove all other input from outside sources in the life of the victim.
The narcissist feels threatened by the input of others because they hate accountability. If they are with a victim long enough the victim will often begin to act like the narcissist thinking their behavior is righteous and normal, when in fact it is deviant.
In Christianity, the true Christianity, we are accountable to one another on some level. The narcissist hates any form of accountability, it means that they are not perfect as they love to believe about themselves.
In the Word of God we are never taught to "lord it over" or control another human being. We are told to share the truth and allow the hearer to decide for themselves. When the hearer will not listen to truth and are blatantly rebellious then we are to walk away and leave them to the Lord.
Matthew 20:25 "…24 And hearing this, the ten became indignant with the two brothers. 25 But Jesus called them to Himself and said, "You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great men exercise authority over them. 26 "It is not this way among you, but whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant,…"
There is a movement within Christendom that promotes the idea that the leaders and husbands should be served without question, while they are allowed to abuse emotionally those in their charge. This movement is evil and patently against what the Bible teaches.
God teaches in His word that leaders are to be servants first, caring deeply about the welfare and needs of those they serve. Any leaders who promotes absolute allegiance to him and expects to be served, is an evil leader.
All believers in the body are accountable to all other believers. We all have a voice in the lives of each other, even though our calling may be different from another believer, we are not less or more than any other believer.
Proverbs 27:17
"Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another."
Galatians 6:1-2
"Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."
Matthew 18:15-17
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector."
James 5:16
"Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken."
James 5:19-20
"My brothers, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins."
Ephesians 4:25
"Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another."
A narcissists does not have the ability to place themselves in someone else's shoes to understand their needs. Everything is all about getting what they want, no matter how anyone else feels about it.
The most narcissistic people are those who have been excessively praised all their lives and who have had few if any rules placed on them as children or young adults. They are trained that rules are for others, not for them. They are enraged at the idea that anyone should question them or call them to account about their behavior.
One of the most tell tale signs of a selfish person is their embarrassment at manners and courtesy. They hate these things because it means that they must defer to others.
In this individualistic culture in America, people have been raised and taught to believe that no one else has a right to speak into their lives truth unless it praises or elevates them. Many people are incredulous when any attempt is made to discuss a matter that might make them accountable or appear that they have need of change in their heart or the way they conduct themselves.
This is what the teaching of self esteem has created, self absorbed, glory seeking people who cannot tolerate correction to help them see a need for change. This is the reason they do not change over time, as they grow older, they only become worse.
It is only through Christ that they can change, but even then, it is only through deep crisis that they would ever be broken enough to see their need for Christ, they already see themselves in god like status, why would they ever need to submit to an unseen God when they are their own god.
Proverbs 3:6-8 "…6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight. 7 Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the LORD and turn away from evil. 8 It will be healing to your body And refreshment to your bones.…"
Proverbs 15:21-23 "…21 Folly is joy to him who lacks sense, But a man of understanding walks straight. 22 Without consultation, plans are frustrated, But with many counselors they succeed. 23 A man has joy in an apt answer, And how delightful is a timely word!…"
Those who listen to wise counsel will see progress in their walk. Those who think they are above counsel, attempting to make themselves superior to everyone else, will see prosperity for a time, but overall will lose in the long run.
The narcissist feels threatened by the input of others because they hate accountability. If they are with a victim long enough the victim will often begin to act like the narcissist thinking their behavior is righteous and normal, when in fact it is deviant.
In Christianity, the true Christianity, we are accountable to one another on some level. The narcissist hates any form of accountability, it means that they are not perfect as they love to believe about themselves.
In the Word of God we are never taught to "lord it over" or control another human being. We are told to share the truth and allow the hearer to decide for themselves. When the hearer will not listen to truth and are blatantly rebellious then we are to walk away and leave them to the Lord.
Matthew 20:25 "…24 And hearing this, the ten became indignant with the two brothers. 25 But Jesus called them to Himself and said, "You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great men exercise authority over them. 26 "It is not this way among you, but whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant,…"
There is a movement within Christendom that promotes the idea that the leaders and husbands should be served without question, while they are allowed to abuse emotionally those in their charge. This movement is evil and patently against what the Bible teaches.
God teaches in His word that leaders are to be servants first, caring deeply about the welfare and needs of those they serve. Any leaders who promotes absolute allegiance to him and expects to be served, is an evil leader.
All believers in the body are accountable to all other believers. We all have a voice in the lives of each other, even though our calling may be different from another believer, we are not less or more than any other believer.
Proverbs 27:17
"Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another."
Galatians 6:1-2
"Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."
Matthew 18:15-17
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector."
James 5:16
"Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken."
James 5:19-20
"My brothers, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins."
Ephesians 4:25
"Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another."
A narcissists does not have the ability to place themselves in someone else's shoes to understand their needs. Everything is all about getting what they want, no matter how anyone else feels about it.
The most narcissistic people are those who have been excessively praised all their lives and who have had few if any rules placed on them as children or young adults. They are trained that rules are for others, not for them. They are enraged at the idea that anyone should question them or call them to account about their behavior.
One of the most tell tale signs of a selfish person is their embarrassment at manners and courtesy. They hate these things because it means that they must defer to others.
In this individualistic culture in America, people have been raised and taught to believe that no one else has a right to speak into their lives truth unless it praises or elevates them. Many people are incredulous when any attempt is made to discuss a matter that might make them accountable or appear that they have need of change in their heart or the way they conduct themselves.
This is what the teaching of self esteem has created, self absorbed, glory seeking people who cannot tolerate correction to help them see a need for change. This is the reason they do not change over time, as they grow older, they only become worse.
It is only through Christ that they can change, but even then, it is only through deep crisis that they would ever be broken enough to see their need for Christ, they already see themselves in god like status, why would they ever need to submit to an unseen God when they are their own god.
Proverbs 3:6-8 "…6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight. 7 Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the LORD and turn away from evil. 8 It will be healing to your body And refreshment to your bones.…"
Proverbs 15:21-23 "…21 Folly is joy to him who lacks sense, But a man of understanding walks straight. 22 Without consultation, plans are frustrated, But with many counselors they succeed. 23 A man has joy in an apt answer, And how delightful is a timely word!…"
Those who listen to wise counsel will see progress in their walk. Those who think they are above counsel, attempting to make themselves superior to everyone else, will see prosperity for a time, but overall will lose in the long run.
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