Many families are experiencing estrangement from adult children because the children are narcissistically hyper sensitive to any kind of advice, instruction or correction after they become adults.
It was normal and natural when we were first married for parents or in law parents to correct or instruct. Because of the self esteem teaching, adult children are of the mind that no one should ever counter anything they do, they should just always agree with them or validate them.
It is sad to watch because without elder input into our lives we can't grow. When we got married we felt it was better to learn from the advice and stories of our elders than to have to go through the same problems they did.
I remember taking my father to a house we were thinking of buying to get his opinion about the soundness of the structure. He had build his own house and was wise in many things pertaining to buildings. I really liked the house we were considering a lot, but when he saw it he warned us about dry rot, a bad foundation in one place we would not have noticed. He told us that it would be a bad investment. We didn't buy the house because of his advice.
Both sets of parents on both sides spoke their mind about things, we never got angry, stomped off or cut them out of our lives. But this is what is happening now to many aging parents. The grandchildren are being deliberately withheld from many parents because of the narcissistic need to punish aging parents who do not elevate their children. Adult children now expect to be treated special all the time. They loathe being just plain people like everyone else.
We appreciated the input of our parents and took it as advice we could evaluate and make our own decision. Not so today, any advice is seen as an attack, all sense of reasonable discussion is forbidden without dire consequences.
The hyper sensitivity of the 40 somethings generation is irrational and volatile. The slightest disagreement is enough to cause a war and estrangement.
I have read many articles of broken-hearted aging parents who could not figure out why they were being banished from their children and the lives of their grandchildren. All they could figure out was that the adult children were angry at a comment they made or something they wouldn't give to the adult child.
We can guess that the problem was pride and anger in the child that was irrational because when the adult child was asked to explain why they were so angry they would refuse to tell the parents.
There is only one solution to this problem as I see it, that is to allow the angry adult child to walk away, get on with our own lives and pray that some day they will deal with their anger and realize that it was over blown. Even if there was an offense, usually it is a minor thing that most rational people would shrug off or see as a personality quirk.
So how is all that self esteem teaching working out for us? I don't remember this much estrangement from adult children when we were young, it truly is a new phenomena and in my opinion directly related to the continual indoctrination that made children feel entitled to special treatment.
We should resolved to enjoy the life we have with our spouse while praying for the children. We should never allow angry adult children to overshadow our relationship with our spouse. Why ruin a good thing because of a person who is not present in our lives and will not care about resolving a matter.
