When Two People Become One in Marriage

When a young couple gets married they are commanded by God to "leave and cleave."

Genesis 2:24-25

"24 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked, but they were not ashamed."

When a man and woman marry it is vitally important that they develop their own ways of doing things. They are no longer under the authority of their parents and are free to make their own traditions, and their own decisions as they consult with one another.

Making decisions together without the input of hoovering parents makes the marriage stronger, the two are already one but when they seek God together they have a three-corded rope that cannot be broken.

Ecclesiastes 4:12 "And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart."

Far too often I see the parents of young married people interfering in the choices of their married children. These parents will not let go to allow God to work a new work in the new union created by God.

I understand that often parents have a fear that their adult children will not make the right choices without their parent's involvement. This is very sad and lacking faith in God, all we have with our children is about 18-20 years for instruction and counsel, if that is not enough then we forget that God needs to work in them without us. There is a problem with "control" over adult children that is ungodly and very unwise.

If a child does not follow our ways in the time God has given us with them then it is time to let go and allow God to work in them as they make their own way in the world. Co-dependency does not leave room for emotional and Spiritual growth.

There is a time when parents need to let go of their adult children and begin the rest of their own lives developing a stronger relationship with their spouse.

Life with children and a career are distractions from the marriage relationship to a degree. When the children are gone and the career is over there is time to become closer to one another as we move into our elder years. Interfering children can be a problem for the relationship as the children will not allow the parents to have their own time together.

I have also seen adult married children interfere in the marriages of their parents, this too is a sin. It is not the responsibility or the right of an adult child to instruct their parents. They can pray for them and love them but never instruct them. It is arrogant for an adult child to assume their parents have regressed into childhood now attempting to be the parent over them.

To honor parents is to value them, see their emerging frailty as they enter their aging years, and view them with compassion and empathy.

Ephesians 6:2-3

“Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise: “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.”

Proverbs 1:8-9

"My son, hear the instruction of your father, And do not forsake the law of your mother; For they will be a graceful ornament on your head, And chains about your neck."

The calling of adult children is to love and honor their parents, I see no instruction to correct, teach, dominate, or force parents to do whatever the adult children want. Any attempt to prefer one parent over another encourages that parent to ignore the other parent this is sin.

Adult children are to care for their parent the way the parent needs and desires. Aging parents spent a large portion of their lives caring for their children, they must be treated with respect and deference for their trouble. Niether the adult children nor the parents are to dictate to one another what is to happen in their lives. Each should discuss things in a mature manner and come to an agreement.

It is disrespectful to dictate to an aging parent as though they are a child.

I have no fear that we will be abandoned without help, the Lord has promised to take care of us. If our children are angry with our boundaries and will not obey God that is their choice, God never abandons us , in fact, He died for us and will take care of us in our elder years.

May the elderly who love the Lord keep their eyes fixed on Christ as they live out their final years in these end times of apostasy and rejection.

James 1:2-4

"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing."

Unnecessarily Trapped in Detrimental Friendships

Do you wish to stay trapped in a relationship with a friend who continues to betray you with gossip?

If you walk down a street and meet a man who comes up to you and pokes you in the eyes, you might walk down that street reluctantly another time hoping he will not be there again.

What if you have walked down that street again and there he was ready to poke your eyes, you give him the benefit of the doubt that it will not happen again but he does it again anyway.

If you walk down that street a third time, there is the man waiting to poke your eyes but you keep walking, and guess what...the eye polk comes once again.

I would call it foolish to walk down the street the third time. There is an old saying "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me."

When someone operates with demeaning, dismissiveness and disrespect it is wise to give them another chance, the second time, and if the same attitude happens again it is time to avoid that person. Clearly, disrespect on a regular basis proves a character flaw that is only changed if the offender confesses with sorrow their behavior and wants Christ to change them to no longer act that way.

We do not stop disrespectful behavior without realizing it is a heart problem and needs to be confessed for God to cleanse the heart from a "disrespectful heart."

No one grows better without confession of sin. Disrespect is sin and it is demonstrated in an entire character of respect for others. It is not based on performance in which the person must earn it. Literally, no one deserves respect, it is given because we have the love of Christ in our hearts.

Those who withhold respect have an elevated view of their superiority in which they believe they deserve respect so they treat others as though they must earn it to be given by them.

Those who require someone to be "good enough" to be treated respectfully are living their sin of superiority. There can not be this mentality without a high opinion of their own character that is not warranted. These people lack all the fruit of the Spriit.

Galatians 5:22-23

"22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law."

If we ponder each element of the fruit we see that someone who has the fruit of God's Spirit could never show disrespect to anyone. Kindness in our hearts hates the thought of ever harming another human being. We may correct them or remove them if they are dangerous to our Christian walk but we never show disrespect when in their presence.

Narcissists will interpret correction as disrespect but it is not, correction is an act of love toward God first and then toward the one who needs to hear it. Honoring God's Word as we instruct others is love.

John 14:15 "15 If you love Me, you will keep My commandments."

Holy Spirit Conviction

It is good to remember that the reason the world snarks at you and narcissists become agitated by you is not you at all but the Holy Spirit's conviction that emerges from us in their presence.

John 16:7-9 "…7 But I tell you the truth, it is for your benefit that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Advocate will not come to you; but if I go, I will send Him to you. 8 And when He comes, He will convict the world in regard to sin and righteousness and judgment: 9 in regard to sin, because they do not believe in Me;…"

If you are a born-again believer chances are high that some in your family hate you and seem hostile when you are around them. They harbor anger against God Who lives in you, so they take it out on you through accusations of wrongdoing when you did nothing wrong and even when you did something right in the sight of God.

Merely speaking the Words of Christ is enough to make them dislike us. Often just living our lives to please Christ will be an irritant to them even if we don't "preach" at them. Our silence when they tell a filthy joke or spout something unbiblical is enough to irritate their demons, and they do have demons.

Demons influence thoughts in our day just as they did in the days of Adam and Eve in the garden. They bring up thoughts and feelings that motivate people to sin against God. They even twist the scriptures to make people believe lies about God and about born-again believers.

This is nothing new, it happens every day all the time and has grown more deeply in these end times.

Galatians 5:15-26 tells us all about this matter of demonic influence.

Unbelievers and pretenders in the church, often misquote God at the influence of the devil in order to cause misunderstanding and division within the body.

Galatians 5:16-23 "16 But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh.

17 For the desire of the flesh is against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, in order to keep you from doing whatever you want.

18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the Law.

19 Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: sexual immorality, impurity, indecent behavior,

20 idolatry, witchcraft, hostilities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions,

21 envy, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,

23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

24 Now those who belong to Christ Jesus crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.'"

James 4:7 "Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you."

When we find ourselves in the presence of those who claim to be Christian but fight against the truth of the Bible we need to remove ourselves and leave them to God. One more sentence, one more word, one more kindness, and one more correction will not convince them. They have already developed a prejudice against us, and because of this nothing we say or do will be held in regard, they will dismiss, mock, and demean you at every turn, we will be wasting our time with them. We can pray for them but continual contact is not wise.

Matthew 5:10-12 "…10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 11 Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me. 12 Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven; for in the same way they persecuted the prophets before you.…"

God said it and I believe Him.