The Cultic Family System

Cult-like families insist on secrecy about anything that goes on in the family. They see it as loyalty to keep secrets.

 
Cult-like families isolate their members through guilt about saying and doing things that are different from what is expected by the other family members.
Those in the family are not allowed to have differing opinions without punishment from the other members.

In cult-like families, the members are expected to support the other members even if they disagree with what someone is doing.

In cult-like families, the members are expected to reject anyone the Parents have chosen as enemies even without knowing why or without hearing the other side of the person being rejected. The person being rejected is never told why they are being rejected, it is a secret to the target and even from others in the family who have heard the one-sided evidence.

 
All love in cult-like families comes with strings attached, there is no love if the rejected person does not measure up to the expectations of the other family members.

Lots of lies are told by the members of the cult-like family to keep others from becoming friendly with the one perceived as rebellious for questioning what goes on in the family.

 
In cult-like families, the rejected one is left out of things to punish them for not being like the rest of the family. The rejected one is not allowed to have opinions of his/her own without more rejection and gossip to enlist the aid of others in the process of punishment.

 
In cult-like families disagreements are seen as opportunities to control one another, never as a chance to learn something about the person who disagrees, or even learn something new they hadn't heard before.

 
There is only one way to think in a cult-like family, group-think is the norm on every level about everything. Any correction or stance against the status quo of the family is labeled rebellion worthy of contempt and disrespect.

 
The only way to grow emotionally and spiritually mature in such a family is to challenge the family which may often result in total isolation and gossip to remove any support system for the one who dares to think their own thoughts.

 
In a cult-like family, the members are not allowed to choose whether or not to be at gatherings, they are expected to attend or the punishment will be further gossip.
In a cult-like family image is everything. Fantasy thinking dominates the group. They have an elevated view of themselves that is not warranted and to maintain this fantasy every member must engage in lies to protect the image.

 
In cult-like families the one who is tormented with disrespect is the one who tells the truth, expresses dismay about what goes on when the outside world cannot see it, and chooses not to be manipulated or intimidated by the others in the group.
Love is not a performance to impress others, it walks with someone in truth through all the good and the ugly, is helpful, and not a hindrance to healing and expressing joy.

 
In a cult-like family, love is pretended, only how everything appears is the goal. Nothing is real everything is a performance. And, a show of love only happens if those in the group are performing as expected by the group.
In a cult-like family avoiding the truth is paramount to keeping up the bluff.
In a cult-like family, the members must bend the truth or avoid honest productive conversations so that no one becomes angry. Anger and rage are just under the surface of every family member.

 
It is not possible to care deeply about others while there is continual anger when not seen as perfect or superior.

 
God's love is far different from the family cult. Yes, it is important to keep confidence with those we love who share private information. The cultic family only shares ugly things about those they reject but never about those within the family who need correction.

 
We need not share information about others that was none of our business. However, within the family, there ought to be open and honest discussions about things that are happening for the family to grow in wisdom and maturity.
It is impossible to resolve any problems is a cult-like family. The one who is punished is the one who wants to discuss and resolve things.

 
In cult-like families jealousy is rampant, boasting common, arrogance abounds and many lies are told to keep up a false image.

 
Cult-like families never grieve for the one who is hurting, rather it glolries in triumph over the trials of those they cannot control.

 
Here is what God's love looks like that is not present in a cult-like family.

 
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
"4 Love is patient, love is kind, it is not jealous; love does not brag, it is not arrogant. 5 It does not act disgracefully, it does not seek its own benefit; it is not provoked, does not keep an account of a wrong suffered, 6 it does not rejoice in unrighteousness but rejoices with the truth; 7 it keeps every confidence, it believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

May everyone take inventory of their own attitude, and pray for wisdom and discernment to be sure we are not following the dictates of a cultic-family system.

Heaping Hot Coals to Manipulate is not Love but Sin

Matthew 15:8-9

8 ‘This people honors Me with their lips,

But their heart is far away from Me.

9 And in vain do they worship Me,

Teaching as doctrines the commandments of men.’”A

Have you ever had a friend or family member bring you a gift on a holiday but there was an "off" sense that there wasn't kindness, love or empathy involved in the giving of the gift? The sense that the gift was given to show off to others or to manipulate the one who received the gift, which was so strong that the joy one would feel at receiving a gift was sort of sucked out of the room.

When love and kindness are absent when a gift is presented there is an empty feeling that you wish those giving the gift would have just not given it at all.

1 Corinthians 13:1 says, "If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal"

When false love is shown with the intent of impressing others there is a sense that contempt is involved and not love.

Someone once used the Bible to justify irritating someone with whom she was having a fight. She giggled a little and proclaimed that she was going to "heap hot coals of kindness" on a friend who no longer wanted to talk to her. So in her effort to irritate her friend with the excuse it was biblical, she continued to approach her in parking lots to say hello, knowing the friend didn't want to have anything to do with her.

The Bible verse used was;

Romans 12:20 "

“But if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.”"

This passage did not tell us to be kind to heap hot coals to irritate, it is telling us to be what we should be and it might heap hot coals. Deliberately doing a friendly deed to cause a person to feel frustrated is not the hot coals of the Bible.

We know there was pride involved when the giggle about "heaping hot coals" was the evidence that it was manipulation to appear superior to someone else. The one on the receiving end of this would see the contempt in the one who wanted to appear superior. This selfish and rude method would cause further frustration in the targeted person. We are not to "try" to heap hot coals, we are to be loving and kind as God told us to, it may heap hot coals, but if our desire is to be the hot coals ourselves then we have wrongly used Scripture to justify rudeness to irritate. There is no love in this, only a desire to cause more hurt to the person who is the target.

I am so glad God has shown me this principle through personal experiences, to give me first-hand exposure to something we are encountering and that will increase in these last days.

My goal is to not react or respond to the covert provocations of those who do not love Christ and because they do not love Him they do not love me or anyone who loves Christ.

We shouldn't take it personally because it isn't about us, it's about our walk with Christ that irritates the demons who are motivating those who have no defenses against Satan.

Like

Comment

Send

Share

Following Man or Following Christ, One cannot do Both

When we are defensive toward those we like just because we like them, we will excuse all the evil, even becoming angry that anyone pointed out their evil.

I have seen family members defend someone who is rude but not defend the people they offended.

This is backward. Telling people to forgive, without the offender being sorry is another form of revictimizing the one who was the target of the rudenes.

I have yet to hear one person tell the offender to repent from their rudeness. The pressure is always on the one who was offended to forgive. Satan loves this, it not only places the blame on the victim it empowers the rude person to continue being rude and encourages others to support the rudeness.

It is possible that onlookers fear the retaliation of the offender more than they care about justice.

Proverbs 31:8-9: "Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute"

Psalm 82:3-4: "Defend the weak and the fatherless; uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed"

God is clear that we are to defend those who are being neglected and attacked by those who love to feel powerful through their rudeness.

We are living in a world now in which many people feel empowered to be mean and unkind because they know no one will come to the defense of their victims.

When family and friends become more important than their victims then we cannot possibly love the victims. Those we allow to be unkind are the ones who have our love.

Stay away from those who victimize others through mocking, intimidation and dismissiveness, they will only ruin your walk with Christ.

2 Timothy 3:5 "5 having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people."

Those who are rude and unrepentant for that rudeness are deceived by the devil to believe they have a good reason, they are not led by the Holy Spirit but controlled by the devil.