Cult-like families isolate their members through guilt about saying and doing things that are different from what is expected by the other family members.
Those in the family are not allowed to have differing opinions without punishment from the other members.
In cult-like families, the members are expected to support the other members even if they disagree with what someone is doing.
In cult-like families, the members are expected to reject anyone the Parents have chosen as enemies even without knowing why or without hearing the other side of the person being rejected. The person being rejected is never told why they are being rejected, it is a secret to the target and even from others in the family who have heard the one-sided evidence.
All love in cult-like families comes with strings attached, there is no love if the rejected person does not measure up to the expectations of the other family members.
Lots of lies are told by the members of the cult-like family to keep others from becoming friendly with the one perceived as rebellious for questioning what goes on in the family.
In cult-like families, the rejected one is left out of things to punish them for not being like the rest of the family. The rejected one is not allowed to have opinions of his/her own without more rejection and gossip to enlist the aid of others in the process of punishment.
In cult-like families disagreements are seen as opportunities to control one another, never as a chance to learn something about the person who disagrees, or even learn something new they hadn't heard before.
There is only one way to think in a cult-like family, group-think is the norm on every level about everything. Any correction or stance against the status quo of the family is labeled rebellion worthy of contempt and disrespect.
The only way to grow emotionally and spiritually mature in such a family is to challenge the family which may often result in total isolation and gossip to remove any support system for the one who dares to think their own thoughts.
In a cult-like family, the members are not allowed to choose whether or not to be at gatherings, they are expected to attend or the punishment will be further gossip.
In a cult-like family image is everything. Fantasy thinking dominates the group. They have an elevated view of themselves that is not warranted and to maintain this fantasy every member must engage in lies to protect the image.
In cult-like families the one who is tormented with disrespect is the one who tells the truth, expresses dismay about what goes on when the outside world cannot see it, and chooses not to be manipulated or intimidated by the others in the group.
Love is not a performance to impress others, it walks with someone in truth through all the good and the ugly, is helpful, and not a hindrance to healing and expressing joy.
In a cult-like family, love is pretended, only how everything appears is the goal. Nothing is real everything is a performance. And, a show of love only happens if those in the group are performing as expected by the group.
In a cult-like family avoiding the truth is paramount to keeping up the bluff.
In a cult-like family, the members must bend the truth or avoid honest productive conversations so that no one becomes angry. Anger and rage are just under the surface of every family member.
It is not possible to care deeply about others while there is continual anger when not seen as perfect or superior.
God's love is far different from the family cult. Yes, it is important to keep confidence with those we love who share private information. The cultic family only shares ugly things about those they reject but never about those within the family who need correction.
We need not share information about others that was none of our business. However, within the family, there ought to be open and honest discussions about things that are happening for the family to grow in wisdom and maturity.
It is impossible to resolve any problems is a cult-like family. The one who is punished is the one who wants to discuss and resolve things.
In cult-like families jealousy is rampant, boasting common, arrogance abounds and many lies are told to keep up a false image.
Cult-like families never grieve for the one who is hurting, rather it glolries in triumph over the trials of those they cannot control.
Here is what God's love looks like that is not present in a cult-like family.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
"4 Love is patient, love is kind, it is not jealous; love does not brag, it is not arrogant. 5 It does not act disgracefully, it does not seek its own benefit; it is not provoked, does not keep an account of a wrong suffered, 6 it does not rejoice in unrighteousness but rejoices with the truth; 7 it keeps every confidence, it believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
May everyone take inventory of their own attitude, and pray for wisdom and discernment to be sure we are not following the dictates of a cultic-family system.
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