Narcissists are bullies! They love to dominate those they think are weak. To the narcissist it is weakness to cry, feel empathy or freely engage in conversation to resolve a matter.
The narcissist doesn't like politeness, because to be polite we must allow others to be the center of attention. When we are mannerly and have empathy, we are expressing that someone else comes before us, this is intolerable to the narcissist.
Narcissists show contempt for those they cannot dominate and manipulate, they will often run away, use the silent treatment, mock and demean others to appear superior. Their favorite target of hatred is anyone who will do not elevate them or bow to their desires.
Amusingly enough, the narcissist is angry when we don't live our own lives the way the narcissist thinks we should. In a relationship with a narcissist we will not be accepted unless we look like them, act like them and fawn all over them.
For the narcissist we exist to be mirrors of them, making them look good. If we dare to be ourselves, do as we see fit and make our own decisions, we become targets of the narcissist.
As believers in Christ we are accountable to one another, but not as a form of devious control, using intimidation to accomplish this. We lovingly warn, we seek God for truth and share with one another as brothers and sisters who care deeply for each other.
When we love Christ our goal is always to bless others by deferring to them when appropriate, allowing others to have their own opinions even if we don't agree.
Two deeply committed Christians will disagree and still treat one another with honor and respect. Narcissists cannot do that, they must win in conversation, they see every encounter as a competition, rather than two people seeking the truth.
John 12:34-35 "34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. 35 By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”
Wednesday, March 23, 2016
Approving is Participating
Most people who fight for freedom in America are fighting for their right to live any way they please without accountability.
When I see that someone refuses to be accountable, living their life as though they are an entity unto themselves, I walk away, there is no way to reach them.
Until the people of America acknowledge that they need God and others to be accountable to, there will be the downward spiral of wickedness.
God will not work in a land that worship themselves as the all knowing gods.
Romans 1:18-32 "18 For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men who suppress the truth in unrighteousness,
19 because that which is known about God is evident within them; for God made it evident to them.
20 For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse.
21 For even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks, but they became futile in their speculations, and their foolish heart was darkened.
22 Professing to be wise, they became fools,
23 and exchanged the glory of the incorruptible God for an image in the form of corruptible man and of birds and four-footed animals and crawling creatures.
24 Therefore God gave them over in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, so that their bodies would be dishonored among them.
25 For they exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen.
26 For this reason God gave them over to degrading passions; for their women exchanged the natural function for that which is unnatural,
27 and in the same way also the men abandoned the natural function of the woman and burned in their desire toward one another, men with men committing indecent acts and receiving in their own persons the due penalty of their error.
28 And just as they did not see fit to acknowledge God any longer, God gave them over to a depraved mind, to do those things which are not proper,
29 being filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, evil; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice; they are gossips,
30 slanderers, haters of God, insolent, arrogant, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents,
31 without understanding, untrustworthy, unloving, unmerciful;
32 and although they know the ordinance of God, that those who practice such things are worthy of death, they not only do the same, but also give hearty approval to those who practice them."
Many people who say they are Christians approve of those who practice unrighteousness, merely to be elevated in their eyes. Popularity among family and community is more important than God, even though they do not indulge in the sins listed here, they accept and approve of those who do.
Perhaps is time to evaluate why we retain friendships with people who live in rebellion against God.
When I see that someone refuses to be accountable, living their life as though they are an entity unto themselves, I walk away, there is no way to reach them.
Until the people of America acknowledge that they need God and others to be accountable to, there will be the downward spiral of wickedness.
God will not work in a land that worship themselves as the all knowing gods.
Romans 1:18-32 "18 For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men who suppress the truth in unrighteousness,
19 because that which is known about God is evident within them; for God made it evident to them.
20 For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse.
21 For even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks, but they became futile in their speculations, and their foolish heart was darkened.
22 Professing to be wise, they became fools,
23 and exchanged the glory of the incorruptible God for an image in the form of corruptible man and of birds and four-footed animals and crawling creatures.
24 Therefore God gave them over in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, so that their bodies would be dishonored among them.
25 For they exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen.
26 For this reason God gave them over to degrading passions; for their women exchanged the natural function for that which is unnatural,
27 and in the same way also the men abandoned the natural function of the woman and burned in their desire toward one another, men with men committing indecent acts and receiving in their own persons the due penalty of their error.
28 And just as they did not see fit to acknowledge God any longer, God gave them over to a depraved mind, to do those things which are not proper,
29 being filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, evil; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice; they are gossips,
30 slanderers, haters of God, insolent, arrogant, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents,
31 without understanding, untrustworthy, unloving, unmerciful;
32 and although they know the ordinance of God, that those who practice such things are worthy of death, they not only do the same, but also give hearty approval to those who practice them."
Many people who say they are Christians approve of those who practice unrighteousness, merely to be elevated in their eyes. Popularity among family and community is more important than God, even though they do not indulge in the sins listed here, they accept and approve of those who do.
Perhaps is time to evaluate why we retain friendships with people who live in rebellion against God.
We Are Kept By Christ Alone
Beware of those who think we must work to keep the salvation we did not earn in the first place.
Ephesians 2:10 "For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them."
When we become born again, changed into a new creation by Christ after changing our mind about sin, confessing our need for deliverance, then He is the One that does all the work in us after that.
When we hear Him speaking to us and disobey, He will discipline us to bring us back into obedience.
2 Corinthians 5:17 "Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come."
1 John 1:9 "9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
2 Corinthians 5:21 "
21 For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God."
1 John 1:29 "29 The next day he saw Jesus coming toward him, and said, “Behold, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!"
Hebrews 12:2 "2 looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."
Titus 3:5 "5 he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit,"
Ephesians 2:9 "9 not a result of works, so that no one may boast."
(This includes any works before or after salvation)
Romans 3:10 "10 as it is written: “None is righteous, no, not one;"
Romans 3:23 "23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,"
Isaiah 64:6 "6 We have all become like one who is unclean,
and all our righteous deeds are like a polluted garment.
We all fade like a leaf, and our iniquities, like the wind, take us away."
John 1:12 "12 But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God,"
Acts 16:31 "31 And they said, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved, you and your household.”
Ephesians 2:10 "For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them."
When we become born again, changed into a new creation by Christ after changing our mind about sin, confessing our need for deliverance, then He is the One that does all the work in us after that.
When we hear Him speaking to us and disobey, He will discipline us to bring us back into obedience.
2 Corinthians 5:17 "Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come."
1 John 1:9 "9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
2 Corinthians 5:21 "
21 For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God."
1 John 1:29 "29 The next day he saw Jesus coming toward him, and said, “Behold, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!"
Hebrews 12:2 "2 looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."
Titus 3:5 "5 he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit,"
Ephesians 2:9 "9 not a result of works, so that no one may boast."
(This includes any works before or after salvation)
Romans 3:10 "10 as it is written: “None is righteous, no, not one;"
Romans 3:23 "23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,"
Isaiah 64:6 "6 We have all become like one who is unclean,
and all our righteous deeds are like a polluted garment.
We all fade like a leaf, and our iniquities, like the wind, take us away."
John 1:12 "12 But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God,"
Acts 16:31 "31 And they said, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved, you and your household.”
Isolation: A Relationship Killer
This week I ran across an article by a psychologist who was saying something I have been saying for 45 years, when no one would believe me. In fact it was the psychologists of 40 years ago who promoted this devastating form of discipline that has fostered an attitude of disrespect and dishonor in tender hearts.
The form of discipline I write about is that of "time out." Placing a child in his room to isolate him from the rest of the family for his infractions has been widely used in our children's generation. Rather than making a child think, it fosters bitterness and anger in the child. It is better to give the child a couple of smacks for his sin and allow him to return to the family when his stubborn will has been dealt with.
Isolating a child in a room for long periods of time without proper discipline is a form of the "silent treatment." It breaks the heart of someone who needs to be loved, nurtured and protected. Smacking a child on his bottom, shows him his infraction cannot continue, but that he is loved too much to isolate him from the family.
What a blessing to find others who have discovered what God had told me all those years ago, when almost no one would listen and nearly everyone was using a form of this manipulation that has ruined a generation of people. The sad fact is that many believers followed the advice of the secular psychologists and now even some of them are recanting their findings, but only after the devastation is complete.
When I was growing up, back in the day, spanking was a normal and natural form of attitude adjustment that produced obedient and respectful children. Of course it did not change a heart, no one can do that with any form of discipline, the discipline is to train a child to understand the seriousness of sinful actions and attitudes while keeping them under control for the sake of the entire household.
The discipline that I used and believe is a method ordained by God and used for centuries across the world until recent years, is corporal punishment, a spanking, then restoration and continued presence with the family. Here is the scripture that God gave us to show us what our response ought to be to disobedience in our children.
Proverbs 13:24 "He who withholds his rod hates his son,
But he who loves him disciplines him diligently."
Proverbs 23:13 "Do not hold back discipline from the child, Although you strike him with the rod, he will not die."
How serious is rebellion against parents? Here is God's answer!
Exodus 21:15 "Whoever strikes his father or his mother is certainly to be put to death."
When we read this passage about putting a rebellious and dangerous child to death for striking his parent, we see just how serious contempt for parents is in the eyes of God.
Contempt for parents doesn't have to take the form of striking them, it is just as serious to treat them disrespectfully and with disdain as it is to strike them. To show contempt, put them out of our hearts and demean them is the same as killing them over and over again. The sin of hatred, is show by God to be the same as murder.
1 John 3:15 " Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer; and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him."
Proper discipline God's way does not change a heart, but it does demonstrate the seriousness of sin while redirecting the actions of the child. Any child who has been shown the magnitude of a sinful heart through proper discipline, will have no excuse when they stand before God. They will either accept the correction or they will choose not to, either way they are responsible for their choices and God will respond accordingly.
The modern method of discipline that isolates a child creates serious and devastating broken hearts. To be told you are not worthy to spend times with us is the same as a church clique who ignores those who don't meet their particular version of socially accepted personality traits.
It is difficult for children to recover from a broken heart after being isolated. Mankind was created for fellowship, to isolate someone because they aren't perfect, is saying to them, "you are not worthy of us", "you are not valued by us" and "you are banished."
It is better to smack a child to bring his behavior under control, while allowing him to continue in our presence. This says to a child that he is too valued to banish him, that he is loved, just his actions need modifying and his attitude needs a change, because he as a person is deeply loved.
Those who have used time out on their children are often also those who use the "silent treatment" and "cold shoulder", to punish other adults who will not bow to their desires, or those who attempt to work out a problem.
I'll will call them "silenters", these are people who do not want to work out a problem for a long lasting solution, they merely enjoy exerting control over those who do not meet their particular idea of what is acceptable. These people have no interest in the views and desires of others, they care only about getting their way and feeling superior.
I suspect this is why the "time out" silencers enjoy this form of punishment that banishes their target, it makes them feel in control. Our goal in training children or even dealing with adults, should never be to control them for our own benefit.
With children we discipline to train, it is not at all about being in control of them. When we want to discuss a problem with another adult, it is not to get them to do things our way or to control them. If we love them we discuss problems to come to an understanding, learning about them, seeking to be a blessing while fixing something broken, not to control them.
The goal of every believer ought to be to redirect the heart of a child toward obedience to parents God and all God ordained authority. The goal of every believer toward adults should be to discover the foundational issue in any problem, being ready to confess our own sin, while desiring to know the heart of the other person. Withholding information, withholding kindness, love and attention is self serving and will destroy any relationship.
Honest communication is the method by which we grow a relationship, without that, there can be no solution.
James 5:16 "Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much."
Isolation, intimidation, silent treatment and many other tactics like these are designed to hurt and destroy, they are not of God, nor do they accomplish anything except more brokenness.
In 2 Timothy 3:1-5 we learn the kinds of people who employ these covert and ruinous tactics and what God says to do about it in verse 5. When we are going no contact with evil people, this is not one of these tactics, it is obedience to God. Removing ourselves from those who will not admit to things and refuse to listen, we have no choice except to walk away. More contact with these people only perpetuates the harm and builds a higher wall.
The good news is that Gods way is best, even if it doesn't feel good. We can trust Him, leaving mean people in the hands of God is our best option. He knows all that is needed to heal us while working on those who refuse to do things God's way.
2 Timothy 3:1-5 "But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come.
2 For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy,
3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good,
4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God,
5 holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these."
The more we obey God, the greater our joy no matter who comes against us. Being right with God is far more powerful than anything the devil and his minions can throw at us.
2 Corinthians 10:3-5 "3 For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh.
4 For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds,
5 casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ,"
Ephesians 6:12 "12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places."
The form of discipline I write about is that of "time out." Placing a child in his room to isolate him from the rest of the family for his infractions has been widely used in our children's generation. Rather than making a child think, it fosters bitterness and anger in the child. It is better to give the child a couple of smacks for his sin and allow him to return to the family when his stubborn will has been dealt with.
Isolating a child in a room for long periods of time without proper discipline is a form of the "silent treatment." It breaks the heart of someone who needs to be loved, nurtured and protected. Smacking a child on his bottom, shows him his infraction cannot continue, but that he is loved too much to isolate him from the family.
What a blessing to find others who have discovered what God had told me all those years ago, when almost no one would listen and nearly everyone was using a form of this manipulation that has ruined a generation of people. The sad fact is that many believers followed the advice of the secular psychologists and now even some of them are recanting their findings, but only after the devastation is complete.
When I was growing up, back in the day, spanking was a normal and natural form of attitude adjustment that produced obedient and respectful children. Of course it did not change a heart, no one can do that with any form of discipline, the discipline is to train a child to understand the seriousness of sinful actions and attitudes while keeping them under control for the sake of the entire household.
The discipline that I used and believe is a method ordained by God and used for centuries across the world until recent years, is corporal punishment, a spanking, then restoration and continued presence with the family. Here is the scripture that God gave us to show us what our response ought to be to disobedience in our children.
Proverbs 13:24 "He who withholds his rod hates his son,
But he who loves him disciplines him diligently."
Proverbs 23:13 "Do not hold back discipline from the child, Although you strike him with the rod, he will not die."
How serious is rebellion against parents? Here is God's answer!
Exodus 21:15 "Whoever strikes his father or his mother is certainly to be put to death."
When we read this passage about putting a rebellious and dangerous child to death for striking his parent, we see just how serious contempt for parents is in the eyes of God.
Contempt for parents doesn't have to take the form of striking them, it is just as serious to treat them disrespectfully and with disdain as it is to strike them. To show contempt, put them out of our hearts and demean them is the same as killing them over and over again. The sin of hatred, is show by God to be the same as murder.
1 John 3:15 " Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer; and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him."
Proper discipline God's way does not change a heart, but it does demonstrate the seriousness of sin while redirecting the actions of the child. Any child who has been shown the magnitude of a sinful heart through proper discipline, will have no excuse when they stand before God. They will either accept the correction or they will choose not to, either way they are responsible for their choices and God will respond accordingly.
The modern method of discipline that isolates a child creates serious and devastating broken hearts. To be told you are not worthy to spend times with us is the same as a church clique who ignores those who don't meet their particular version of socially accepted personality traits.
It is difficult for children to recover from a broken heart after being isolated. Mankind was created for fellowship, to isolate someone because they aren't perfect, is saying to them, "you are not worthy of us", "you are not valued by us" and "you are banished."
It is better to smack a child to bring his behavior under control, while allowing him to continue in our presence. This says to a child that he is too valued to banish him, that he is loved, just his actions need modifying and his attitude needs a change, because he as a person is deeply loved.
Those who have used time out on their children are often also those who use the "silent treatment" and "cold shoulder", to punish other adults who will not bow to their desires, or those who attempt to work out a problem.
I'll will call them "silenters", these are people who do not want to work out a problem for a long lasting solution, they merely enjoy exerting control over those who do not meet their particular idea of what is acceptable. These people have no interest in the views and desires of others, they care only about getting their way and feeling superior.
I suspect this is why the "time out" silencers enjoy this form of punishment that banishes their target, it makes them feel in control. Our goal in training children or even dealing with adults, should never be to control them for our own benefit.
With children we discipline to train, it is not at all about being in control of them. When we want to discuss a problem with another adult, it is not to get them to do things our way or to control them. If we love them we discuss problems to come to an understanding, learning about them, seeking to be a blessing while fixing something broken, not to control them.
The goal of every believer ought to be to redirect the heart of a child toward obedience to parents God and all God ordained authority. The goal of every believer toward adults should be to discover the foundational issue in any problem, being ready to confess our own sin, while desiring to know the heart of the other person. Withholding information, withholding kindness, love and attention is self serving and will destroy any relationship.
Honest communication is the method by which we grow a relationship, without that, there can be no solution.
James 5:16 "Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much."
Isolation, intimidation, silent treatment and many other tactics like these are designed to hurt and destroy, they are not of God, nor do they accomplish anything except more brokenness.
In 2 Timothy 3:1-5 we learn the kinds of people who employ these covert and ruinous tactics and what God says to do about it in verse 5. When we are going no contact with evil people, this is not one of these tactics, it is obedience to God. Removing ourselves from those who will not admit to things and refuse to listen, we have no choice except to walk away. More contact with these people only perpetuates the harm and builds a higher wall.
The good news is that Gods way is best, even if it doesn't feel good. We can trust Him, leaving mean people in the hands of God is our best option. He knows all that is needed to heal us while working on those who refuse to do things God's way.
2 Timothy 3:1-5 "But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come.
2 For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy,
3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good,
4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God,
5 holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these."
The more we obey God, the greater our joy no matter who comes against us. Being right with God is far more powerful than anything the devil and his minions can throw at us.
2 Corinthians 10:3-5 "3 For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh.
4 For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds,
5 casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ,"
Ephesians 6:12 "12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places."
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