So many parents cling to their adult children as though if they were no longer there, life would not be worth living.
I have always loved my children, but knew that one day they would have their own lives and families without me. I am not only alright with that, but I also enjoy what my husband calls the fourth phase of our lives, when we delight in our quiet times of solitude in a rocking chair on our front porch with the Bible and other good books. And, the interaction with occasional other believers whom we delight in engaging. Then, once in a while, there is an opportunity to share the gospel with the unsaved. In all of this, there are no longer the distractions of drama and children's problems to solve, just full freedom to serve God. If the children ever come back after trusting in Christ, then they know where to find us, and we can engage as brothers and sisters in Christ.
Pondering the things of God and the things of life more deeply without all the drama and mess that raising families brings is a peace that cannot be explained. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed raising children, but if I am to be honest, it was hard at times.
There was no community or extended family support to raise the children in the Lord. Because of this dynamic, it was clear that the hearts of the children when they grew up and made their choices, were mostly based on the culture as a whole and not on the Bible.
Even the "Christian culture" worked against Biblical standards. Many ideas were formed in their minds based on psychology and desired beliefs rather than on truth. I see more than ever now how 2 Timothy 3 attitudes came about.
2 Timothy 3:1-5 Difficult Times Will Come
3 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come.
2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, slanderers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy,
3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good,
4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God,
5 holding to a form of godliness although they have denied its power; avoid such people as these."
Modern churches made rules that God never made, with expectations and subtle punishments for those who didn't follow their humanistic and misunderstood rituals.
Isolation was one of the punishments if we dared to disagree or attempt to discuss Scripture to clarify God's meaning. The culture as a whole was trained that the only authority of scripture were those men trained in seminaries. If anyone dared to question them, they were ostracized and even rejected, while gossip ran through the gatherings to avoid this person.
One pastor I met many years ago, who was young and full of pride, was taught in seminary to "protect his pulpit." In other words, he was ordained to disallow the other believers in the gathering to speak or share. This is the opposite of what God's word teaches. God clearly states that all the believers in the gathering are to share as led by the Holy Spirit.
When our children were raised on this "top-down" authority, they tend to ignore their parents, even have contempt for their wisdom, while following the modern system of religion over the teachings of the Bible as given by the Holy Spirit.
When open conversation is disallowed, there can be no spiritual or emotional growth, nor can there be a connection to one another. Everyone walks in fear of being hated for not agreeing with that hierarchy and its intimidation to follow them.
God commanded us in His word to "edify" one another in the Word within the gathering. This means that we will be speaking of the Lord, His character, His principles, and commands continually to one another as led by the Holy Spirit. No one is governed by anyone other than the Holy Spirit. No one is disallowed from speaking, no one is superior to anyone else, and the Holy Spirit alone is superior to all.
When everyone is led by the Holy Spirit and everyone shares, then everyone grows. As long as there is a hierarchy, people will follow that person instead of the Holy Spirit becoming lazy to study the Word for themselves and have a tendency to believe whatever the "authorities" tell them.
This is true in families too, people tend to keep silent while elevating the one who is the designated authority.
Here is the mandate from God concerning the parental role in the family.
Proverbs 1:8-9 "8 Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction, and do not forsake the teaching of your mother. 9 For they are a garland of grace on your head and a pendant around your neck.…"
Ephesians 6:1-3 "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (which is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may have a long life on the earth.”
Neither father nor mother takes precedence over the other in the area of honor and obedience. The father and mother work together as one entity to raise the children. Where one parent falls short or has a blind spot, the other fills in to help with understanding.
If one parent will not obey God, they are not responsible for making the other obey Him; they are only responsible for obeying Him themselves. Speaking the truth, following the Bible, and leaving the other spouse to God to deal with.
Proverbs 6:20-23 "My son, keep your father’s commandment, and do not forsake your mother’s teaching. Bind them always upon your heart; tie them around your neck. When you walk, they will guide you; when you lie down, they will watch over you; when you awake, they will speak to you."
When both parents are believers and both uphold one another in decisions, the marriage flourishes. The children do not always do as they should in honoring parents, but if they do not in their adult years, then they must be released to have their own lives without the input of their parents.
The father of the prodigal son never chased after him or bailed him out of his troubles. He prayed and waited for the Lord to work on the son so that when he came back, it was genuine repentance and there could be real reconciliation between them, not superficial or contrived, but real and lasting.
It is becoming harder every day to raise children in this culture of rebellion. Children are being raised by parents who rebelled against their own parents. They follow some rules according to the Bible, but negate many other principles of God to remain friends with the culture.
Do not become agitated or frustrated by what we see happening. God said it would, we accept it while remaining faithful to Him ourselves.
