What is gossip? And, what does it produce?

The definition of gossip! "Casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true."

It is not gossip to share with a trusted friend something you have personally been through in relationships.

It is gossip to try to guess the meaning of things about other people that you do not have direct interaction with or have seen for yourself.

 
Making judgments based on prejudice toward a person because of personality, their own jealousy, or boundaries someone has set, is sinful.

 
If a narcissist is offended by boundaries or someone who will not bow to their will, they will judge that person as all bad. If someone does everything they like they will be judged as all good.

 
Narcissists cannot ever see a whole person, they only see "all bad" or "all good." The judgments are based entirely on whether or not they are elevated in the eyes of those they judge.

 
One of the things the narcissist hates the most is when someone thinks for themselves, those who cannot be manipulated or intimidated into submission by the narcissist.

 
The narcissist is all about control. If they cannot control you through lies, manipulation, intimidation or mocking, they will attempt to control how others view you.

 
If they cannot get you to feel hurt by their antics they will employ others through gossip to hurt and reject you. Their goal and their aim is to cause you to have a meltdown, in their mind proving you deserve what they dished out.

 
If the narcissist can get you to respond badly to them and others they can ruin your reputation. It doesn't matter if they started it or not, they will claim you did and you will not be able to prove otherwise. Any attempt to prove otherwise makes the target look crazy, this is the goal of the narcissist.

 
This is why God tells us to remove ourselves, the more we attempt to fix things the worse they get and the narcissist knows this.

 
1 Corinthians 5:13 "But those who are outside, God judgeth. Therefore put away from among yourselves that wicked person."

We cannot always avoid the world, but we can and must avoid those who say they are Christians but lack all the fruit of the Spirit. The pretenders in the church are many now, more than authentic believers, so we will be faced continually with a process of weeding from our company those who cause trouble.

 
Trouble makers talk too much, they judge things that are not sinful and not their business while they ruin relationships through their gossip.

 
Trouble makers rely on their feelings and emotions, they do not seek the Holy Spirit nor do they listen to those who do.

 
And, trouble makers are always comparing themselves with others placing themselves as superior to all whom they judge.

Luke 18:9-14
“Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood and was praying this to himself: ‘God, I thank You that I am not like other people: swindlers, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I pay tithes of all that I get.’ But the tax collector, standing some distance away, was even unwilling to lift up his eyes to heaven, but was beating his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, the sinner!’ I tell you, this man went to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted.”

The Devil is in the Minds of Many People

It is the devil who put ideas in the mind of Eve in the garden causing her to defy God in favor of worshiping herself. It was the devil Christ rebuked who influenced Peter to come against God's plan.

I am convinced that it is the devil who is working in families, twisting minds to believe things that are not true. He works on emotions and pride to cause misunderstandings that never needed to be.

1 Peter 5:8 "Be sober, be vigilant, because your adversary the devil walketh about as a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour."

The Pharisees claimed Christ was healing by the power of the devil, why would he not also get unbelievers in families to think we are bad when we are serving Christ!?

If you have family members who are angry at you but will not attempt to clear up misunderstandings or learn your intentions, then you are experiencing the devil's work preventing reconciliation.

The devil is behind ALL family problems. Those who love the Lord are not jealous, hateful, manipulative, demeaning, wreckless in judgement, intimidating or punishing those who do not see things their way. All these thought patterns are driven by the devils, getting into minds to destroy relationships.

We see this in prophecy on steroids.

2 Timothy 3:1-5 "1 This know also, that in the last days perilous (ragingly insane) times shall come.

2 For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,

3 Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good,

4 Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;

5 Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.

2 Timothy 4:3 "For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but having itching ears, they shall heap to themselves teachers in accordance with their own lusts."

Many of these people attend churches every week but have no power of salvation and transformation from Christ. They make excuses for their sin, rage at those who bring scripture to bear on any discussion, and attempt to bludgeon the believer into submission to them. These are pretenders, the church gatherings are full of them, even more so than authentically born-again believers. We know this by their constant defense of disobedience to God's Word.

John 14:15 "15If you love Me, you will keep My commandments."

God said that if we love Him we WILL obey Him. Those who fight against His principles are disobedient and rebellious, they do not love Him.

Pray for those who are in rebellion that God would break their pride and humble them to trust in Christ, to become transformed by Him.

Family Mobbings, Group Think and Gossip Go Hand in Hand

Luke 14:25-27 "25 Large crowds were now traveling with Jesus, and He turned and said to them, 26 “If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters— yes, even his own life— he cannot be My disciple. 27 And whoever does not carry his cross and follow Me cannot be My disciple.…"

Unless we were raised in a loving born again family it is not possible to maintain family relationships as long as the family is against our Lord.

I say it that way because when extended family hates us they think it is us they hate but it is Christ in us that they hate.

"Matthew 10:37 "Anyone who loves his father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me;"

When the family has gossiped, turning others against you. When they have refused to come to you to find out the truth and when you attempt to discuss the truth to give your side and they will not hear you, it is time to move on to healthy relationships that have the fruit of the Spirit.

Galatians 5:22-23

"22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things, there is no law."

Those who are angry all the time, have rage just under the surface of the skin waiting to emerge at the slightest perceived provocation, cannot be reasoned with on any level. I say "perceived" provocation because they are looking for things to be angry at. Even if you were to give them a gift they would find issues with it to invalidate you, they love their hatred toward you.

How do I know this? Just look at what they did to Christ. He did nothing but good during His entire life and yet the Pharisees who loved their pride and self-elevation lied against Christ. They said He did His miracles by the power of the devil. They saw His good deeds and hated Him for them.

Matthew 12:24, "But when the Pharisees heard it, they said, “It is only by Beelzebul, the prince of demons, that this man casts out demons.”"

Acts 5:17 “But the high priest stood up, along with all his associates (that is the sect of the Sadducees), and they were filled with jealousy.”

Those who are jealous of born-again believers will attempt to find fault with the most innocent acts or speech. They will not be at peace with us because it is the power of the devil that motivates their mouth and actions.

The Pharisees accused Christ of being influenced by the power of the devil, in other words, they were assigning to Christ that which the Pharisees have done, obeying the devil to come against Christ. You will see this in your life too, those who despise the born-again believer will accuse you of the very things they do that you do not do. They say you are hateful when they are full of hate and anger.

I had this happen to me one time with a man who was clearly angry with me the moment I entered his house. I had no idea why he was angry because it was common for him and others in this family to treat people disrespectfully but refuse to talk about what was wrong. The family dynamic was like this all my life.

This man walked into the room with a hard and angry look on his face. He made a statement about a biblical principle that I disagreed with and I responded with, “no, that is not quite right.” He shut me down immediately through intimidation and manipulation, raging at me, folding his arms, having a red face and swinging his crossed leg, and saying to me; “you seem angry.” He was describing himself because in his mind as demonstrated by his actions, he was angry and interpreted my disagreement as relating to his own emotions of anger.

I was not angry, merely mildly disagreeing and his first response was to accuse me of something he was doing himself.

This is common in narcissistic family dynamics. They are rude and mean when we object to the rude mean comments they attack. Notice something about this, wouldn’t a kind, loving and caring person feel shame at having acted badly toward someone? But the narcissist does not feel bad about how they act, their goal is to win power over the one they hate.

They never have a good reason to hate those who are their targets, they simply make up reasons to hate because they want to control the one who dares to disagree or be their own person. In order to be treated well by a narcissist, there is only one solution, that is to become just like them, fawn over their every word and become easily manipulated by them. In other words, you must lose yourself entirely and agree to be continually abused emotionally by them.

There is a solution to this mess, it is to get away from them and stay away from them. A rare visit with them to see if anything has changed might be good but when we do this we often find that they have not changed, they have even grown worse with age. The aging narcissist has nothing to lose in life they become full-blown on the outside what they used to hide somewhat on the inside.

Younger narcissists often are very covert so they can deny their mean actions, this is not so with older lifelong narcissists.

Narcissists are empowered by other family members who are either also narcissists or the narcissists flying monkeys. Those who may not necessarily agree with the narcissist but fear losing their position in the family if they do not go along, are the flying monkeys. They too are as dangerous as the narcissists because they will never be loyal in defending the victims of the narcissists. The flying monkeys will even begin to act like the narcissist to be accepted by those who think with “group think.”

Group thinkers are very weak people with a deep compulsion to be accepted no matter how wrong the narcissists might be. The group thinkers are those who will listen to gossip and pass it on as fact even though they have never seen for themselves what happened or how someone operates. They enjoy the gossip choosing to believe it without investigating the truth.

Group thinkers enable family mobbings and the narcissist loves it. The more people they can get to listen to their lies and half-truths the happier they are, reveling in their power over the flying monkeys and perceived power over their target of abuse.

Luke 12:53-52From now on, five in one household will be divided, three against two and two against three. 53They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law.”

Micah 7:6

“For a son dishonors his father, a daughter rises against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. A man's enemies are the members of his own household.”

Why would family members be against the born again believers? Its simple, the born again believers will be living the life of Christ but also they will be speaking truth that invalidates the sin and disobedience in the lives of those who are not born again but also the pretenders who claim to be Christians but deny the principles of Christ.

When we see that all of this family discord, gossip, and family mobbings are prophesied in the Word of God we need not be manipulated or intimidated by it. We have a command from God to remove ourselves from those who will not obey God. Those who find fault for the purpose of elevating themselves by demeaning and degrading others do not love God or anyone else. God will have to deal with them His own way, we must walk away and leave them to God. Hallelujah, this is the mercy of God.

1 Corinthians 15:33

“Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”

Proverbs 13:20

“Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.”

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