Luke 14:25-27 "25 Large crowds were now traveling with Jesus, and He turned and said to them, 26 “If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters— yes, even his own life— he cannot be My disciple. 27 And whoever does not carry his cross and follow Me cannot be My disciple.…"
Unless we were raised in a loving born again family it is not possible to maintain family relationships as long as the family is against our Lord.
I say it that way because when extended family hates us they think it is us they hate but it is Christ in us that they hate.
"Matthew 10:37 "Anyone who loves his father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me;"
When the family has gossiped, turning others against you. When they have refused to come to you to find out the truth and when you attempt to discuss the truth to give your side and they will not hear you, it is time to move on to healthy relationships that have the fruit of the Spirit.
Galatians 5:22-23
"22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things, there is no law."
Those who are angry all the time, have rage just under the surface of the skin waiting to emerge at the slightest perceived provocation, cannot be reasoned with on any level. I say "perceived" provocation because they are looking for things to be angry at. Even if you were to give them a gift they would find issues with it to invalidate you, they love their hatred toward you.
How do I know this? Just look at what they did to Christ. He did nothing but good during His entire life and yet the Pharisees who loved their pride and self-elevation lied against Christ. They said He did His miracles by the power of the devil. They saw His good deeds and hated Him for them.
Matthew 12:24, "But when the Pharisees heard it, they said, “It is only by Beelzebul, the prince of demons, that this man casts out demons.”"
Acts 5:17 “But the high priest stood up, along with all his associates (that is the sect of the Sadducees), and they were filled with jealousy.”
Those who are jealous of born-again believers will attempt to find fault with the most innocent acts or speech. They will not be at peace with us because it is the power of the devil that motivates their mouth and actions.
The Pharisees accused Christ of being influenced by the power of the devil, in other words, they were assigning to Christ that which the Pharisees have done, obeying the devil to come against Christ. You will see this in your life too, those who despise the born-again believer will accuse you of the very things they do that you do not do. They say you are hateful when they are full of hate and anger.
I had this happen to me one time with a man who was clearly angry with me the moment I entered his house. I had no idea why he was angry because it was common for him and others in this family to treat people disrespectfully but refuse to talk about what was wrong. The family dynamic was like this all my life.
This man walked into the room with a hard and angry look on his face. He made a statement about a biblical principle that I disagreed with and I responded with, “no, that is not quite right.” He shut me down immediately through intimidation and manipulation, raging at me, folding his arms, having a red face and swinging his crossed leg, and saying to me; “you seem angry.” He was describing himself because in his mind as demonstrated by his actions, he was angry and interpreted my disagreement as relating to his own emotions of anger.
I was not angry, merely mildly disagreeing and his first response was to accuse me of something he was doing himself.
This is common in narcissistic family dynamics. They are rude and mean when we object to the rude mean comments they attack. Notice something about this, wouldn’t a kind, loving and caring person feel shame at having acted badly toward someone? But the narcissist does not feel bad about how they act, their goal is to win power over the one they hate.
They never have a good reason to hate those who are their targets, they simply make up reasons to hate because they want to control the one who dares to disagree or be their own person. In order to be treated well by a narcissist, there is only one solution, that is to become just like them, fawn over their every word and become easily manipulated by them. In other words, you must lose yourself entirely and agree to be continually abused emotionally by them.
There is a solution to this mess, it is to get away from them and stay away from them. A rare visit with them to see if anything has changed might be good but when we do this we often find that they have not changed, they have even grown worse with age. The aging narcissist has nothing to lose in life they become full-blown on the outside what they used to hide somewhat on the inside.
Younger narcissists often are very covert so they can deny their mean actions, this is not so with older lifelong narcissists.
Narcissists are empowered by other family members who are either also narcissists or the narcissists flying monkeys. Those who may not necessarily agree with the narcissist but fear losing their position in the family if they do not go along, are the flying monkeys. They too are as dangerous as the narcissists because they will never be loyal in defending the victims of the narcissists. The flying monkeys will even begin to act like the narcissist to be accepted by those who think with “group think.”
Group thinkers are very weak people with a deep compulsion to be accepted no matter how wrong the narcissists might be. The group thinkers are those who will listen to gossip and pass it on as fact even though they have never seen for themselves what happened or how someone operates. They enjoy the gossip choosing to believe it without investigating the truth.
Group thinkers enable family mobbings and the narcissist loves it. The more people they can get to listen to their lies and half-truths the happier they are, reveling in their power over the flying monkeys and perceived power over their target of abuse.
Luke 12:53-52From now on, five in one household will be divided, three against two and two against three. 53They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law.”
Micah 7:6
“For a son dishonors his father, a daughter rises against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. A man's enemies are the members of his own household.”
Why would family members be against the born again believers? Its simple, the born again believers will be living the life of Christ but also they will be speaking truth that invalidates the sin and disobedience in the lives of those who are not born again but also the pretenders who claim to be Christians but deny the principles of Christ.
When we see that all of this family discord, gossip, and family mobbings are prophesied in the Word of God we need not be manipulated or intimidated by it. We have a command from God to remove ourselves from those who will not obey God. Those who find fault for the purpose of elevating themselves by demeaning and degrading others do not love God or anyone else. God will have to deal with them His own way, we must walk away and leave them to God. Hallelujah, this is the mercy of God.
1 Corinthians 15:33
“Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”
Proverbs 13:20
“Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.”
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