In a discussion with a Christian sister recently we pondered the meaning of “leaving and cleaving” as the Bible instructs newly married people to do. We both agreed that leaving and cleaving meant to make our spouse a new family with their own traditions and habits. God never meant for total abandonment of parents in the leaving and cleaving. I can prove this by scripture.
Mark 7:8-13
“8 Neglecting the commandment of God, you hold to the tradition of men.”9 He was also saying to them, “You are experts at setting aside the commandment of God in order to keep your tradition. 10 For Moses said, ‘HONOR YOUR FATHER AND YOUR MOTHER’; and, ‘THE ONE WHO SPEAKS EVIL OF FATHER OR MOTHER, IS [f]CERTAINLY TO BE PUT TO DEATH’; 11 but you say, ‘If a person says to his father or his mother, whatever I have that would help you is Corban (that is, [g]given to God),’ 12 you no longer allow him to do anything for his father or his mother; 13 thereby invalidating the word of God by your tradition which you have handed down; and you do many things such as that.”
Later after the discussion were some other thoughts, I express it this way:
A thought that came to mind after our discussion about “leaving and cleaving”, is that those who use this excuse never leave and cleave from their in-law parents. So they are being dishonest in their excuse.
When we realize that our children are those who are born-again, our real children we take no offense and more easily let go of those who do not love us.
A lady once told me to never stop praying for them. This is the tradition of our age, that we pray until we get what we want. It is not necessarily Biblical to do so.
I have stopped because God has heard my prayers for the past 45 years and they still count, every single one. There comes a time to accept God’s will and move on with our lives leaving them to God.
4000 more prayers have no more power than the last 4000. Perhaps continuing to pray is a way of begging God to change the heart of one who refuses to change.
Jeremiah 11:14 “14 As for you, do not pray for these people. Do not raise up a cry or a prayer on their behalf, for I will not be listening when they call out to Me in their time of disaster.”
Prayer is not a magic potion that we pull out to get what we want. We must be clear to pray in the Holy Spirit according to His will.
There will be many children of born-again believers who will reject Christ, we know this because of Noah and the flood. Noah lived 950 years, he had many sons and daughters, and all the other relatives who died in the flood. All those people he preached to for 120 years were his own relatives. At some point he got on the ark and God closed the door behind him. No more prayers would help those who were perishing.
Never tell another believer to “never stop praying” we do not know God’s will. I never want to beg God for something that is not His will. And, I am confident that when I am led by the Holy Spirit to pray for someone, it will be in His will.
We love our children and their spouses but they are not more important to us than God is to us. When our children choose to reject the principles of God and walk in disobedience to Him, we have an obligation to walk away and leave them to God.
We cannot change the heart of our children by continuing contact with them. We have no way of influencing our children with more love, more time and tolerating continual conflict. We are enabling when we tolerate rude and abusive behavior.
When our children are choosing to violate God’s word then we must stand with God and let go so God can have his way. We do not know better than God what must happen in the lives of rebellious children.
We must follow the principles of the Bible with our children just as we do with anyone else.
2 Timothy 3:1-5 tells us the last days mentality and its devastation. The 5th verses is clear what we are to do, blood or no blood, God always takes priority over our comfort or our loss.
2 Timothy 3:1-5
“3 This know also, that in the last days perilous (ragingly insane) times shall come.
2 For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,
3 Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good,
4 Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;
5 Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.”
Following Christ will often lose us our families, our friends, and the community. When I became born again I lost all my friends and family who hated me. Even the believers didn’t want to believe I was born-again, using past sins against me as though they had never sinned. I was full of the fruit of the Spirit but they seemed to hate this, as though they liked me better when I was sinning and they could feel superior to me.
Brethren, get used to this and rest in Christ, remove yourselves from those who want to keep you down while Christ is rising you up. Praise God when someone wants to go with you on this path, and rejoice that those who do not are moving on from you.
I have always loved my children but I cannot change their hearts, God has to do that and only if they are willing.
