Who is the enemy? The enemy of our soul is the devil and he works in people and relationships to destroy them.
There is a demonic and chaotic mentality among those who have narcissistic personality disorder that is revealed in conversation.
2 Timothy 3:1-5 "3 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come.
2 For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy,
3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good,
4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God,
5 holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these."
Since they have no conscience about telling lies to elevate self or appear superior, they will know the truth about something and lie to maintain the elevated status in their own minds. They will never admit to any misstep or misunderstanding, when discovered they will remain silent, shutting down all further communication to hide their error.
Some of these people are careful to tell the lie in such a way that it can be denied later. Since the narcissist has no conscience or empathy toward anyone, they are conscience free about lying as long as they believe they can hide it sufficiently. They tend to see everyone else with this problem and not them, when in fact they are the one they should be evaluating.
These people absolutely refuse to admit to anything, even the smallest matter that most normal people would shrug off and forget, they feel a need to lie to defend it.
The narcissist often finds themselves lonely and isolated because of their lying, but are so completely dedicated to protecting themselves against discovery that they will maintain their lies, preferring isolation from others to truth that might afford them the companionship of others.
When the narcissist gets away with their lie, they consider themselves as having won, superior and clever, therefore the cycle continues to grow worse as they grow older.
The narcissist uses this cycle of assumptions and lies to devalue the opinions and accomplishments of others, believing that others they think they have fooled, are stupid. Causing others to appear stupid is their tool to appear superior and entitled.
The narcissist sees anyone who is honest and open as a fool worthy of contempt, as well as anyone with physical illness. The narcissist despises those with illness as though they are weak and less than perfect. Since the narcissist views themselves as the epitome of perfection they cannot endure others they perceive as imperfect. They elevate others they view as perfect, but the perfection is based on whether or not the favored one elevates them continually.
Openness and honesty is avoided at all cost in the narcissists bag of tools. These godly traits irritate the narcissist. It is impossible to engage in meaningful conversation with a narcissist. The conversation must elevate them at all times while the attention must always be on them.
If anyone dares to attempt honest communication for the purpose of discovering truth to fix a problem, the narcissist will sabotage any attempts at reasonable conversation.
Can a born again believer be this entrenched in lies? I have my doubts, since the father of lies is the devil and since he is the one controlling the narcissist. I am convinced that those who are deeply engaged in lying on a regular basis cannot be born again, they lie because they have never been born again. Believers can also lie from time to time, but they will not live in a lifestyle of continual lying.
A born again believer would be convicted of their lying and disciplined by God for it.
Hebrews 12:7-9 "…7 Endure suffering as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? 8 If you do not experience discipline like everyone else, then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. 9 Furthermore, we have all had earthly fathers who disciplined us, and we respected them. Should we not much more submit to the Father of our spirits and live?…"
I have known and know now many people who engage in vitriolic lying continually, especially against those who have "outed" them. The believers who can see the lying, call it what it is and address it, are targets for the narcissist. The narcissist must work to discredit, mock and demean anyone who knows what they are, especially if they cannot seem to get control over their target.
The narcissist is not satisfied with merely arguing with or picking on their target, they must "triangulate", meaning they have to turn others against their target, using others to do their dirty work for them in punishing and isolating the one who will not be controlled by them.
When we discover what we are dealing with, it is best to get away from them as instructed by God in 2 Timothy 3 verse 5. If we cannot get away we must stand our ground, observe their behavior without sucking it into our soul. Seeing them in pity helps to defuse any feelings of anger or hatred. They are controlled by the devil, he is the one we should direct our anger at and he is the one we can pray against.
The narcissist is a pathetic human being controlled by the devil, being led to believe by his lies that they are in control of their own lives. They often even believe they are doing God's will by mocking, demeaning and controlling those who are less worthy of love.
It is pointless and fruitless to attempt any communication with the narcissist. When we want to clear up a problem with a normal person we use honesty, empathy and kindness, unfamiliar traits to the narcissist.
The fruit of the Spirit is what is present in the born again believer. This fruit is present in all believers, when we misstep or sin, we hate it, confess it and continue moving forward to be better than we were before. The narcissist never learns, because they are in opposition to truth, self is on the throne of their life and no one will knock them off of that throne........except God.
Galatians 5:22-23
"22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law."
Narcissists will pretend to have this fruit, but on examination of their actions we see none of them. Narcissists will be far more invested in "words" than "actions." They believe it is enough to claim something it is not necessary to actually "be" what they claim.
Let's pray that God will show the narcissist their need for confession and a desire to be cleansed of their sin. Without confession there is no healing nor is their change.
1 John 1:9 "9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
Narcissists must first become born again to experience that discipline that is vital to the growth of the believer. Without the Holy Spirit there is no help to be anything but what they, and all of us are born with, that is a fallen and sinful state on our way to hell.
Christ is the answer for the narcissist and He is the answer to the target for safety, help and wisdom as we go through this life encountering more of these people. God told us in 2 Timothy 3 what the end times attitudes would look like, we are warned and equipped to deal with it, but only if we trust Christ for each day. He can and will give us wisdom for every aspect of our lives, including how to deal with devilish and rebellious people.
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