They will assert that they don’t lie, while telling you a lie. They reject others for their bad behavior, that the others are not doing, but the narcissist is doing. They may even claim they are not “fake” but in fact by the assertion they are revealing that they are the ones who are fake.
Narcissists place more weight and importance on words than truth and reality. It doesn’t matter to them what the truth or actions are, as long as they can say something to manipulate people to believe things about them, they are satisfied with the illusion they have created.
This is why narcissists do not grow on any level, they are stuck in a six year old mentality. When someone cannot ever admit their flaws there can be no change in behavior. We often see people who are manipulative liars, demeaning and mocking behavior into their elder years because there has been no social or spiritual growth in all their lives. Sadly, the findings show that narcissists not only do not progress in maturity, but they also regress. As they become older they no longer have the strength or resolve to keep up the illusion, so they become more aggressive, meaner and more combative than in their younger years when they cared how people perceived them.
They do the same things over and over again and ultimately end up losing their friends because reasonable people cannot trust them. Those who have matured in their lives find it particularly distasteful to have a narcissist hanging around demonstrating childlike tantrums to control others.
There is continual lying and illusion going on all the time. One never knows when the next dramatic tirade is going to emerge to cause trouble.
Everyone has flaws, in order to grow and become better people we must admit those flaws while seeking to obey God and His principles. Narcissists cannot bow to anyone let alone a God they cannot see. Everything for the narc is about pretense and illusion, nothing is of substance. This is the reason they spend so much time avoiding instruction, correction and honest discussion, they resist every attempt at spiritual or emotional growth through accountability with other believers.
2 Timothy 4:2-3 “ 2 Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and encourage with every form of patient instruction. 3 For the time will come when men will not tolerate sound doctrine, but with itching ears they will gather around themselves teachers to suit their own desires.…”
When someone’s Christianity is only words and almost never actions or attitudes, then it is possible that this person has never been born again. It is good to ask ourselves, “do our actions and attitudes match up with our words.” Are the words the illusion to impress others, or do the actions and attitudes reflect the truth of our words.
Words are worthless when not backed up by evidence. No lawyer goes into a court of law with only words as their evidence. There must always be proof in physical form to prove the words.
It is common in the Pentecostal community to place all truth in the realm of “feelings” and “words”, without the power of God behind any of it.
When our Christianity is based on words and feelings alone, then it is not Christianity at all but a “form of religion, without the power of God.”
2 Timothy 3:5 “5 holding to a form of [b]godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these.”
Why all the warnings about narcissism and superficial Christianity, you might ask? Simply put, we are living in the 2 Timothy 3 times of rebellion that God warned us about. We are seeing more of the devil’s work in people’s hearts to deceive, mock and devalue the things of God.
As believers in Christ we are better equipped if we are forewarned about the tactics of the devil and the false accusations against the believer who walks with Christ.
Those who harbor rebellion in their hearts, that hate correction or instruction, will be used of the devil to work on destroying the righteous.
When we know who our enemy is, the devil and his helpless narcissists, we don’t have to give into their demands or tricks to manipulate us into sin. The harder the devil works to cause us to sin the more strongly we can resist and remain innocent, no matter that is done to us.
We must fight the devil in prayer and allow God to do our fighting for us.
James 4:6-8 “6 But He gives us more grace. This is why it says: “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” 7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.…”
When we have been changed into a new creation by Christ, the change in us is immediate and permanent. If someone deeply regresses into their old attitudes and actions, it is strong evidence that they have never been born again. The warning for them is go to God to see if they have ever trusted Christ, confessed their sinfulness, having been broken over their sinful selves.
If there has never been a brokenness over their sin, a desire to please God in reality rather than just illusion to impress others, then the salvation experience never occurred. This is why we see the churches growing in apostasy, many people remaining in the church or newly entering churches today are living an illusion rather than transformation.
2 Timothy 4:1-5 “4 I solemnly charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who is to judge the living and the dead, and by His appearing and His kingdom: 2 preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort, with [a]great patience and instruction. 3 For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires, 4 and will turn away their ears from the truth and will turn aside to myths. 5 But you, be sober in all things, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry.”
It is my prayer and hope that all the narcissists we encounter will repent from their elevated view of their own importance, realize their sin before God and trust Christ to cover their sin with His blood. It is only contrition in their heart and a desire to be changed by Christ that will save the narcissist.
All the perceptions of others will not make them saved, nor will self-effort to be good last. The illusion will fade, the superiority will be stripped away at the judgment seat of Christ. There will be no pretending in the Kingdom of God, all will be revealed for everyone to see.
Whatever you think you are hiding now, will one day be seen by all. It is best to repent, confess and be cleansed by Christ now, so that all those sins will be cleansed and gone before judgment day approaches.
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