Tuesday, November 13, 2018

Gaslighting a Favored Technique of the Narcissist

Gaslighting has been used on me in my family all my life. There are so many tactics associated with this.

The mean looks when we say or do something right or good to make us think we were stupid for saying it.

Another tactic is completely ignoring you as though you said nothing in order to make one feel like a non-entity.

Another tactic is to receive a gift from me, say a thank you with a tone that leaves one feeling as though they didn't like the gift and then the gift is never seen again or seen in a Goodwill bag ready to be given away having never been used.

These are very subtle things that demean the one who is the victim.

Then there are the subtle comments such as, "why did you wear that blouse", as though the victim has bad taste.

Another subtle but not so subtle form of gaslighting is when one walks in the room with a new perm and someone in the room begins laughing. When they laugh everyone else laughs but don't even know why the person is laughing. The others in the room laugh just because the narcissist is laughing.

When the victim asks why they are laughing the gaslighter declares that your hair looks funny. The hair doesn't look funny, its just not the narcissists style. The rest of the room discusses how good it is to laugh in order to make the narcissist feel alright about mocking someone else's hair. No one in the room chastises the narcissist for being rude, on the contrary, they laugh with her not even knowing why, when they find out why they endorse her rudeness.

"Your too sensitive" is the phrase that comes back at the victim in order to further devalue the feelings of the victim. No one says, "that was rude" to the narcissist and the victim remains wondering what on earth she did wrong that would bring on such a mocking.

Multiply these rude actions and comments by hundreds and this is the experience of the target in every scapegoat situation. The mob mentality takes over when one person walks their own journey without capitulating to the dictates of the crowd.

Family mobbings are common for the scapegoat. Why do I speak of this so much? The answer is simple, the authentic Christian who does not fit in with the clique of today's families and churches, even other organizations will be spotted and targeted for these mobbings.

Since the group hangs together like Silly Putty they lose their ability to think on their own. All they do and say is based on whether the group will accept it and them.

Anyone who dares to deviate freely from the group will be culled (removed from the group, set aside for mocking), in order to intimidate anyone else in the group who might think about deviating from the group.

Power over others is the aim and goal of the group. Those who do not fit in with the family pack will be targeted for defeat through these family mobbings.

Brothers and sisters when you encounter these family mobbings for your faith or for daring to be different from them, you will be spotted and targeted.

Mark 13:13 "…12 Brother will betray brother to death, and a father his child. Children will rise against their parents and have them put to death. 13 You will be hated by everyone on account of My name, but the one who perseveres to the end will be saved. "

When you want to walk according to the Bible you will be met with this in church gatherings as well as families. The stronger you become in the Lord the more intense will be the mocking, sarcasm and cutting these attacks will become.

The attacks will even come to attack your reputation, your friendships and your influence. When we see our friends avoiding us because they listened to gossip and believed it, then we know those people who capitulated to the tactics of the narcissist were not friend material from the beginning. One cannot lose what one never had in the first place.

1 John 2:18-20 "18 Children, it is the last hour; and just as you have heard that the antichrist is coming, so now many antichrists have appeared. This is how we know that it is the last hour. 19 They went out from us, but they did not belong to us. For if they had belonged to us, they would have remained with us. But their departure made it clear that none of them belonged to us. 20 You, however, have an anointing from the Holy One, and all of you know the truth.…"

Grieve if you must over the loss of a friend who was not truly a friend, but don't do it too long. When we grieve over the loss of this kind of friend we are grieving over something that was an illusion.

If that friend comes to you to confess their complicity in the gossip, expressing sorrow for what they have done, then perhaps they really were a good friend and we must forgive them. Sometimes friends have a weak moment and regret it. However if you confront them, they become angry and leave you, then you know they were not sorry. From this person we must move on to continue the path God has for us.

Not everyone we love will follow us on that path, they love their own path toward destruction and will not want us to influence them. Therefore walk away and continue on the narrow way.

Matthew 7:13-15 "13Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14But small is the gate and narrow the way that leads to life, and only a few find it. 15Beware of false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves.…"

Beware of those from the wide path and wolf pack who will attempt to schmooze you back into their group for further abuse. They have no good in mind.

1 John 4:1-6
"1 Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world.
2 By this you know the Spirit of God: every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God;
3 and every spirit that does not confess Jesus is not from God; this is the spirit of the antichrist, of which you have heard that it is coming, and now it is already in the world.
4 You are from God, little children, and have overcome them; because greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world. 5 They are from the world; therefore they speak as from the world, and the world listens to them.
6 We are from God; he who knows God listens to us; he who is not from God does not listen to us. By this we know the spirit of truth and the spirit of error."

Keep trusting God alone, love those who love God and make them your companions.




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