Some of the people who call others names are really describing themselves. Narcissists believe everyone is like them. They know they are liars so they call others liars. They know they have a mean spirit so they call others mean. No one must be better than them, so they assign to others what they are and the others are not.
I was once told I seemed angry. I was not angry but the person talking to me was folding his arms, his face was turning red and he had one leg folded over the other swinging it. He had an angry look on his face along with all these other gyrations. His response was so classic of a narcissist I could hardly believe what I was seeing. He was accusing me of what he felt and I did not.
The purpose of these accusations is to cause us to become angry at the injustice so the narcissist can say "see I was right, you are angry."
We are seeing more of these tactics in our day. The best way to answer someone like this is calmly, "you are describing yourself" and then walk away.
If the narcissist can get you to act the same way they are acting they count themselves as having proven that you are no different from them. The narcissist knows they are nasty people but don't want to admit it, so they assign their own traits to the one for whom they have contempt.
Narcissists hate truth and they had to admit anything negative or that needs improvement about themselves. This is why they must bring down anyone who acts in kind and truthful ways. Bringing the decent person down to their level makes them feel two things, one; is powerful and two; someone to blame for their bad character and behavior.
There is no reason to fear the narcissist, they are pitful characters with continual bad feelings. They must goad others into bad behavior so they can feel better about themselves. When we know they are in a constant conviction of their sin and sadness at their character we can be less reactive and more compassionate.
This does not mean we should coddle them or stay in company with them, it just means that we may not feel angry at them but rather sorrow for them. After all, it is misery to walk around desperately needing to elevate self to feel of value.
Those who love God know they are nothing special, only Christ is special. We have no need to be anything but what we are, that is someone who has trusted Christ and walk in His love.
1 Corinthians 6:10-11 "…10 nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor verbal abusers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God. 11 And that is what some of you WERE. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified, in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. 1"
As born again believers we know what we were, dead in sin before we came to Christ. After that we knew that He is our righteousness, we walk with Him. He continually cleanses us, redirects us and counsels us. We depend on Him, not ourselves.
John 16:13-14 "13 However, when the Spirit of truth comes, He will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on His own, but He will speak what He hears, and He will declare to you what is to come. 14 He will glorify Me by taking from what is Mine and disclosing it to you.…"
1 John 1:6-8 "…6 If we say we have fellowship with Him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. 7 But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin. 8 If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.…"
Every time a born again believer confesses a sin they admit they are in need of cleansing. Then Christ will do what we ask, to become more holy by that cleansing.
God will not cleanse us of something we refuse to admit is a problem. He will allow consequences in our life until we confess to be cleansed.
1 John 1:9 "1 John 1:9
"9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
See that tiny little very big word; "IF." We must confess to be cleansed.
It is not beneficial to anyone to become like the narcissist by responding in kind. "In-kind" means to act in response the way they are hoping we will, the way they would react to any criticism, in anger and shock.
Being led by Christ is a wonderful place to be, we have no need to prove ourselves, we can admit when we are wrong, we can evaluate criticism and pray that God will show us. Pride cannot be a part of the born again believers' life. Pride is at the root of every human problem. The devil instilled pride in Eve in the garden and has been whispering in the ears of every person after that until this very day.
Titus 3:9-11 "9But avoid foolish controversies, genealogies, arguments, and quarrels about the law because these things are pointless and worthless. 10 Reject a divisive man after a first and second admonition, 11 knowing that such a man is corrupt and sinful; he is self-condemned.…"
Divisive people are those who cannot stand to appear wrong, they fight over the silliest things. Reject friends for not elevating them as special and are a continual problem wherever they go.
God says to rebuke then and then avoid them. We are to seek to live in peace with all men. That doe snot mean we give up our standards to appease those who are fighters, it means to avoid the trouble makers who love their fights.
Proverbs 16:3-4 "…3 A whip for the horse, a bridle for the donkey, and a rod for the backs of fools! 4 Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you yourself will be like him. "
When we answer back to those who love to fight, we give them one more thing to fight with, they love it. Silence truly is golden when dealing with a narcissist. More information is food for the narcissist it drives their hunger for conflict.
Proverbs 16: 5 Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he become wise in his own eyes.…"
Speak truth to a fool and then answer nothing else when he attempts to fight. He deserves only the truth once when it is clear he wants to fight, reject him and walk away.
Proverbs 18:2
"A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion."
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