Pray that God will make changes in your hearts that gives you the character of Christ.
When Christ changes our character to trust in Him more, then the things we tried so hard to accomplish in ourselves will become a part of our essence no trying necessary. They flow from us effortlessly and authentically.
Those who try to be good in the flesh are often phony. They are also often proud of how good they believe they are, but that goodness is not authentic, there is much more hiding inside ready to emerge at the slightest challenge.
Those who are hiding their self will by trying to appear good on the outside are a raging inferno on the inside ready to explode even when a challenge is warranted and proper.
Matthew 15:17-19 "…17“ Do you not yet realize that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then is eliminated? 18 But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these things defile a man. 19 For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, and slander.…"
Whatever comes out of the mouth automatically is what is in the heart. One cannot rage if there is no rage already inside. Rage is the evidence that we are dealing with a very angry man. The anger is controlled to some degree until such time as a challenge is administered to this tortured soul.
Those who say we "should say things in a way that they will be received" are those who are hyper-sensitive to criticism themselves. Those who hate to be controlled by others tend to be the biggest controller of others. These people hate challenges from others but readily challenge others, usually inaccurately.
When controlling others is paramount in someone's heart then also is error in thinking they have a right to control others.
Romans 16:17-18
"I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them. For such persons do not serve our Lord Christ, but their own appetites, and by smooth talk and flattery they deceive the hearts of the naive."
1 Peter 5:2-4 "…2 Be shepherds of God’s flock that is among you, watching over them not out of compulsion, but because it is God’s will; not out of greed, but out of eagerness; 3 not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock. 4 And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away.…"
Those walking in the Spirit have no desire to control others. We do have a desire to speak truth as well as a hope that those hearing will listen and consider what we say.
A desire to control comes from the father of lies. Control causes frustration and anger in those who are intimidated by these monsters. Those who are controllers want only to conquer those under them, the have no concern about the spiritual well being of those they dominate.
When we care deeply about others we desire for them to make their own choice to follow Christ. When someone is being dominated and forced to the ways of the controller the heart of the abused one does not change only their behavior to avoid the wrath of the dictator.
Jesus Christ never dominated or controlled anyone. He presented the truth and left the decision of obedience to the hearer.
Women and men have different roles, the men to lead and provide and the women to manage the home and counsel their leader. Neither one of these roles includes intimidating the other into obedience to Christ.
We encourage and pray for one another in the ways of God. The use of intimidation is not God's way. Forcing someone to do as they should does nothing except cause problems.
When we choose to obey God in our roles then the heart is engaged and it is pleasing to God.
When we obey the leader out of fear of his anger we are not obeying God but rather man to avoid the hate that comes when we don't obey them.
Women or men who attempt to control others are not led by the Holy Spirit, they are interested only in being superior to others.
Psalm 143:10
"Teach me to do Your will, For You are my God; Let Your good Spirit lead me on level ground."
Romans 8:14
"For all who are being led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God."
Galatians 5:18
"But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the Law."
The narcissist doesn't care if one obeys out of fear rather than choice, they just like the power they have over others.
The born again believer would rather the hearer of truth would choose to honor God and us, then they know it is authentic.
We see no scripture that demonstrates a command from God to dominate, coerce, mock, demean or intimidate others into obedience.
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