Our Real Family

Have you ever felt this way? The way I speak of is to question yourself and God to discern what is wrong with you that others would treat you with such contempt.

In the past when family was acting contemptuously toward me on a regular basis I was mostly hurt, wondering what was wrong with me because I didn't see what I was doing to deserve this rudeness.

I truly felt bad that the mean person couldn't interact with me in reasonable ways. It took years for me to understand that I was not the problem in the relationships in the family.

Then I began to pray that God would show me what I was doing to deserve these things. God showed me that it wasn't about me at all, I began to feel sorry for those who cannot feel special without demeaning another person.

I tried to talk to them and was met with rage so I gave up and moved on. For a long time I felt bad that there just could not be a reasonable relationship with them, but no longer felt responsible for it.

I don't want bad to happen to the mean people I just wish they would confess unless the hardship God would bring would soften their hearts. If they would ever confess I know I would be excited and could resume the relationship, however I don't expect that to happen any time soon. If God is going to bring about consequences that bring them to the realization of their sin then I could rejoice in that. God can do it but the hearts must bend at some point. God can lead the horse to water but the horse has to choose to drink.

The fact that I would easily receive them back into my life tells me I am not bitter nor ever have been. Bitterness is hatred and I know I don't hate them, I just have given up expecting that anything I do can change things. All I can do is pray that God make me what I should be and carry on without them.

I have no confidence that their return without confession could be trusted to mean they have changed. When we do not confess we have done something wrong then its not likely that there will be a change in the way we behave.

I am convinced confession of wrong doing is the first step in changed behavior. Those who don't think they did anything wrong will not be motivated to change. Not only do they not think they did anything wrong they will not question themselves or God to see if they have acted badly.

Just some lessons I have learned from my personal experiences.

1 John 1:9
"9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

God clearly expresses in His word that no one can change without first repenting, confessing and desiring a change in themselves. God will not work in us unless we are willing.

Returning as though nothing happened allows the narcissist to be further empowered to begin where they left off. There is a habit that forms toward their target that cannot be changed until there is deep regret over the offense.

No one will get into heaven or have a relationship with Christ unless there is repentance. Relationships cannot be restored without sorrow over the sin as well as confession to begin the cleaning and changing process.

Our relationship with God works the same with human relationships too. We can be kind and loving toward everyone no matter who they are, but a "relationship" demands a oneness of mind, a desire for the same goals and purposes.

In Amos 3:3 God says that two cannot walk together unless they are agreed. If one person is continually pulling down the other over silly things or insignificant disagreements then there is no relationship. I would classify this encounter as a battle rather than a relationship.

Relationships are based on mutual interests and love, without these things there is only "acquaintance."

Relationships are far deeper than mere acquaintances they involve dedication, the deepest form of love. The inner heart of a person is known and enjoyed when we have a relationship, a connectedness that cannot exist in mere acquaintances. Most people today only have acquaintances but call them relationships.

We know that the idea today of "relationship" has only to do with spending a lot of time with someone. No real spiritual connection has to occur for there to be in a relationship in today's culture. This is why there is such a skewed view of what a relationship with Jesus Christ looks like.

Today many people who would say the have a relationship with Christ really do not. They do not care what He thinks, they pray rarely and never defend Him to others. In fact most of the time the modern Christian will neglect the subject of Christ entirely when in the company of those they think will be offended.

Matthew 10:33
"33 but whoever denies me before men, I also will deny before my Father who is in heaven."

God fashioned us in His image, all of the way the family operates is based on that image. When our earthly family rejects us as the Jews rejected Christ, then He moves us on to have our relationship with others who love Him. Just as Christ moved on from His family to the Gentiles. Then one day those in His earthly family will trust in Him and He will be restored to them. Those in His biological family who do not trust in Him will be destroyed in hell.

God has not rejected His family the Jews, only those who refuse to love Him will be removed and all those left will be those who love Him. This is the way the earthly family operates too.

When we love Christ all those who love Christ will be our family. Those who do not love Christ are not our family.

Luke 14:26-27 "26“ If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters— yes, even his own life— he cannot be My disciple. 27 And whoever does not carry his cross and follow Me cannot be My disciple."

There are many of you who have been rejected by your bio families just as Christ was, but because you are born again you gained a new and better family, a forever family full of love and support.

One day soon we will be with our real brothers and sisters at the Marriage Supper of the Lamb!!!!!!