When a Man Leads in a Loving Way

When a man leads in a loving way, deeply concerned about the welfare spiritually and physically, of his wife, he will generate a strong bond between his wife and himself. When a man emotionally abuses a woman, demanding things, intimidating with mean looks and loud voices, he breaks down any sense of desire to follow him.

Many women live with meanness regularly, a woman will react with frustration and discouragement when she is treated with dismissiveness, negating her desires for the purpose of subjegating her.

Christ never at any time commanded a man to oppress or force his wife through manipulation or intimidation. These are ungodly traits used by pagan cultures, rather than the traits of a man submitted to Christ himself.

When a man has faith, he has no need to force, he merely instructs and prays with all gentleness and deep concern, and God will work His ways in his wife. Many men think they are dealing with a contentious women, and some are, but often they create the contention by their disrespectful attitude toward their wife.

It is easy to break a woman, just negate her, verbally abuse her, never encourage her in the things that she desire to do, you will be successful in destroying her creativity, ruining her walk with God and causing deep depression.

1 Peter 3:7 "You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered."

It is pagan cultures, such as Islam that train their men to emotionally and physically abuse their wives, relegating them to the level of property.

God says that the woman and man in marriage are "fellow heirs" in life, they are to work in tandem, while the man is the head, he is to consider her counsel, honor her decisions within the realm of responsibility as the "keeper of the home."

He is to see that the children honor her too, by upholding her rules of the household and conduct.

Proverbs 1:8 "Hear, my son, your father's instruction And do not forsake your mother's teaching;"

When you are in a church that almost completely negates the spiritual gifts of women and teaches the men to boss their wives to get them into line, then you are in a cult.

Islam is the ultimate extreme of this example of hateful oppression of the weaker vessel. Sadly, there are Christian denominations that teach this tyrannical domination. It is ungodly and narcissistic rule, that destroys the Christian witness.

What to do now? If someone finds themselves in a difficult marriage in which the husband is treating his wife disrespectfully, there is only one recourse for the wife, that is to seek to obey God in prayer, while upholding the example of obedience to God herself. Fighting with a leader who is tyrannical will only produce more conflict and worse consequences. God must work on Him, His own way.

Do not allow the antics of the disobedient leader to devastate or depress you. Those who are in rebellion will seek to destroy your confidence in the gifts and talents God has given you, see it as a challenge to learn to submit in difficult situations, if the submission does not disobey God.

If the husband is a born again believer, try to reason with him, if he will not listen take it to other wise men who are already treating their wives respectfully and ask them to speak to him. Do not take it to the elders if the elders are teaching oppression. It is always good to engage other godly women to pray for you. You need strength to resist the urge to fight bitterly, the devil will entice you to do it, only God can help you to resist this.

Remember, yes you are not perfect and you need work too, but when you can evaluate what is going on in truth, and you see that you are being treated unreasonably to control you rather than being loved, then you will know better how to pray and when to engage other godly people.

Women use this intimidation at times too, to control ladies in the church. I have seen it often, that those who believe in following man made rules will shun those who are not burdened for the same rules. There is nothing you can do about this except to treat them with love and respect even if they will not reciprocate. If you have an opportunity to get out of that oppressive and unloving environment, run like a rabbit. If you cannot, then be a joyful example of a spiritually free woman of God totally submitted to Him.

When we are stuck in an unpleasant situation that we cannot get out of, then we know the Lord has a purpose for our training. Focus on Him and learn the lessons well.