Laziness in Relationships

There is a kind of laziness that has nothing to do with earning money or taking care of matters physically. There is a laziness in terms of human relationships.

When we are not concerned about resolving a dispute with someone, rather deeply committed to controlling another person or controlling their perception of us, we are indulging in laziness.

It takes effort to engage in conversation to resolve a misunderstanding or dispute. In order to right a wrong we must be authentic, honest and humble. Those who are prideful cannot approach someone in a spirit of humility and concern, they must defend their false image.

There are those who might confront someone else in a combative way. Setting the stage for intimidation and manipulation, hoping to be "one-up" right off the bat, in a spirit of competition to win rather than to resolve. Resolving a matter means a willingness to be ready to admit our sin when we realize it. Those who can never admit their sin will never resolve a problem and will lose relationships. They must always move on to new people because there is a tidal wave of hurt and frustrated people in their past. They move along through life controlling others while demeaning those they cannot control.

A humble person is willing to hear the other side to be able to learn the concerns that led someone to say or do what they did. When there is an effort made to hide or dismiss the concerns of others to remain in an elevated status, it is called stonewalling. Nothing is ever resolved when this happens and relationships are often destroyed, even permanently.

If someone refuses to resolve a matter through humble concern for the relationship, then there is nothing we can do. There will be no change in behavior, one can expect the behavior and attitude to continue as usual, further damaging the relationship.

Those who are too proud to listen to correction or instruction cannot ever learn until they humble themselves.

Matthew 18:15-17 ""If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. …16 But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, regard him as you would a pagan or a tax collector."

James 5:16
"Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective fervent prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much."

Proverbs 19:20
"Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future."

2 Timothy 2:24-25
"The Lord’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged.
With gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth, And they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will."

James 5:19-20
"My brethren, if any among you strays from the truth and one turns him back, let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins."

It is often the one who refuses to discuss a matter, who is the guilty party. Those who cannot see what they have done wrong usually want to talk to resolve misunderstandings and problems. Sadly most people today would rather sweep the dirt under the rug pretending it does not exist, than to see a relationships grow and blossom through mutual love and understanding. The ugliness of their pride is more important to them than do the hard work of repenting to gain the blessing of a lovely restored relationship. Usually those who resolve a problem with a friend, end up with a stronger relationship than they had before. It might be compared to a broken bone, that is weak because of the break, but as it heals actually becomes stronger than it was before after it is healed.

Those who are sensitive to the way they treat others, cannot endure an unresolved conflict. The love of the Lord in them wants to be able to continue peaceably with their companions, growing together in holiness. Realizing that they cannot grow any further if they do not do their part in the restoration of a relationship.

Those who can not admit their own sin never progress in their walk. It is possible that those who are not convicted over their sin or uncooperativeness were never born again. The longer we hold onto pride and arrogance, the greater chance we will never be able to expel it from our lives. This kind of growth, humility and resolve only comes through prayer and obedience to God's Word.

1 John 3:9 "9 Anyone born of God refuses to practice sin, because God’s seed abides in him; he cannot go on sinning, because he has been born of God. "