I heard a story the other day on the radio, I can't remember who said it but I will never forget the story because it hit home in a way that was profound. Forgive me if I don't relay it perfectly but here is my memory:
There was a man, his son and a donkey, who were going into town, the man rode the donkey while the son walked alongside. The townspeople were critical of the man because he made the son walk along side while he rode.
The next time they went to town the man decided to walk while his son rode the donkey to silence the mouths of the towns people. As they approached the town the people were angry because the boy was on the donkey, a sign of disrespect while the man had to walk.
In the following trip to town the man decided to just walk into town, that way the people would have nothing to be angry about, they would both be walking. To his dismay, as the son and his father approached the town, the people mocked them saying; "can you believe that, they have a donkey but they walked, how silly."
This is an illustration of what it is like for a scapegoat in the family. No matter what they do, it will be criticized and mocked simply because the "towns people" don't like the people they target.
The "towns people" don't like their targets because they are jealous, they can't control the actions and reactions of the target and they have a deep contempt and resentment that cannot be quenched.
If any of you have experienced this, you know how frustrating it can be. The narcissist will not only mock and demean you, often covertly so others cannot see it, as well as praising others in your presence to make you jealous of their attention.
I have actually had narcissists brag on others for things they mocked me about, to show clearly that they approved of the others, while I was diminished in their eyes.
Sadly, I still cannot figure out what the narcissists get out of this covert tactic, other than feeling good that they hurt their scapegoat.
I can only surmise that jealousy is the driving force behind the intention to diminish and demean another human being merely for self elevation purposes.
Philippians 2:3 "Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem the other better than himself."
We know that someone is not walking with Christ when they gain pleasure from devaluing another human being. The need to be superior is driven by hate. Arrogance is not of God on any level, in fact those that love self promotion cannot see themselves under a God they cannot see, they must make themselves god.
How can someone who harbors jealousy in their heart ever be submitted to the God of the universe who requires humility to follow Him?
Romans 12:3
"For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned."
Isaiah 13:11
"I will punish the world for its evil, and the wicked for their iniquity; I will put an end to the pomp of the arrogant, and lay low the pompous pride of the ruthless."
James 1:20-22 "…20 for man’s anger does not bring about the righteousness that God desires. 21 Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and every expression of evil, and humbly receive the word planted in you, which can save your souls. 22 Be doers of the word, and not hearers only. Otherwise, you are deceiving yourselves.…"
Galatians 6:7-8
"Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal."
Another element of the narcissistic ploy is to turn others against those the narcissist cannot dominate. If they can have no effect on the life of their target, then they will use others to diminish them.
2 Corinthians 12:20 "20 For I am afraid that when I come I may not find you as I want you to be, and you may not find me as you want me to be. I fear that there may be discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, slander, gossip, arrogance and disorder."
There is nothing new under the son, Paul the apostle encountered all that we have. The Bible gives us all the wisdom we need to obey Him, most will not turn to God for their wisdom, they will cherry pick their favorite verses to make them say what they want to believe, while ignoring the very ones that would convict them of their sinfulness. Many believers remain spiritual infants because they love to hang onto their pride.
We need to be reading the word to be convicted that we might grow and be cleansed to walk in holiness. When the Bible is sought merely to elevate ourselves, "I'm doing this", or "I'm doing that", then is when we realize our focus is fleshly and self promoting.
Stop saying "I'm doing this" or "I'm doing that", and begin to ask the Lord what we are not doing that we should. Our quest for wisdom ought to change our dirty hearts and prideful actions. The more we seek Him the more we are cleansed.
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