Confession Fixes Things

It is not forgiveness that allows us to put something behind us. It is the grace of God. We cannot forgive those who offended us but have died, they are not here to forgive. Forgiveness is for the other person, not for ourselves.

Forgiveness is not an idea or concept, it is the act of continuing in the relationship as though nothing bad ever happened. This cannot take place without confession of wrong.

We always have forgiveness in our hearts, we desire to be able to extend it, but it does nothing, even falling to the ground and going nowhere, when someone doesn't want it. Refusing to admit offense or refusing to discuss things to resolve problems is a form of rejecting any attempt at reconciliation. It is the same as saying, as I have heard some say, "I don't need your forgiveness and I am not going to change."

Those who care more about their pride or appearances often will never admit their sin. They continue to operate the same way that destroyed the relationship, while expecting others to merely shrug their shoulders and pretend nothing ever happened. This does nothing to further a relationship or spiritual growth in anyone. Rather, it serves to diminish the growth of the one who is not required to honor others and who expect others to tolerate them.

Isaiah 26:10 "10 Though the wicked is shown favor, He does not learn righteousness; He deals unjustly in the land of uprightness, And does not perceive the majesty of the LORD."

Requiring accountability for sin is the loving thing to do. If someone is angry at this, then they lack the love of Christ enough to attempt to understand the needs of others. Selfishness keeps offenders from delving into a problem for the purpose of understanding and fixing whatever is broken.

I have actually heard people say to me, "you have to forgive me", as though they didn't have to do anything to change or admit anything specifically, but I was required to forgive them. They thought this because of the perverted teaching of modern psychology that love does not require confession of sin. The truth is that if there is love, there is accountability. Our concern ought to be more for their healing from sin than it is about making everyone "feel" good about themselves. Removing the convicting feelings through superficial forgiveness, only serves to cause hardness of heart in the offender.

The only healing that is lasting and promotes change is that which requires confession and a turning from the sin. God requires confession, then when that occurs, He begins His changing work in us. We need to be requiring confession too, otherwise we are party to helping a sinful man remain in his sin.

Accountability is godly, letting things slide so we feel better about ourselves is not godly. Many people want to "pride" themselves as forgiving people, so they forgive too soon, allowing offenders to feel completely free to be as evil as they desire, knowing no one will address their sin.

God never operated in the vein of easy forgiveness, nor does He expect us to do so. Life is not about just "getting along", it is about growth and relationship building. When we live in the mindset of love toward others, it isn't about their temporary feelings, it's about their spiritual healing from sin.

Good relationships care deeply about the well being of others, they easily say "sorry" when they sense they have offended. Love does not overlook a wrong done by us or to us. When we deal with life in reality, we will have to do hard things, even things others will not understand. Because we desire to do what is right before God, we will see His purposes in all that He has commanded.

God commanded us to bless those who mistreat us and to treat everyone with respect. But that is not the forgiveness that restores a relationship. I have blessed those who curse me many times, but I have not always been able to develop a relationship with offenders, the unconcern about offending left a distrust and repeat of the offenses on the part of the offenders.

God tells us to remove ourselves from those who do not walk with Him. Offenders who are not convicted of sin, are not walking with Christ. Until they have been broken in their hearts over their sinfulness, they will continue to act badly without remorse, they are not to be indulged in their sin through superficial forgiveness.

When we have no boundaries, no expectations of reasonable behavior with others, we end up with a culture like we have right now. When people are approached about an offense, instead of feeling ashamed and sorry, they become angry while raging with vengeance in their spirit, we know that this person is not ready for forgiveness, it will not help them see the evil of their ways.

Isaiah 26:10 "10 Though the wicked is shown favor, He does not learn righteousness; He deals unjustly in the land of uprightness, And does not perceive the majesty of the LORD."

Our culture is so deeply entrenched in the lies of psychology, even the churches have bought into it to avoid conflict. As believers we are not to avoid conflict for the sake of peace, we are to handle things God's way even if the superficial Christian continues to defend the worldly ways that have worked for them because they are more comfortable, but they solve nothing, they not only help to keep people broken, they actually break more people. Often they manage to beat up on the one who was harmed while coddling the one who did the harm.

The important message here is that we need to stop looking to the world for our wisdom and begin practicing godliness Christ's way.