The statement I used to hear was "we need to say things in a way that others will receive it." I didn't buy this nonsense because it completely removes our personality, leaving the fear and figuring determined by the reactions rather than the leading of the Holy Spirit. . We cannot know how someone is going to react because often narcissists will react very badly to innocent and proper disagreements or instruction.
When we are figuring out how to respond according to the reactions of others we cannot be hearing from the Holy Spirit. One of the reasons cultural Christianity has been so ineffective is because it removes all the aspects of the leading of the Holy Spirit in order to rely on the flesh. It also is determined by the reactions of others.
These people who said this believed if someone got angry it was the fault of the other for saying something they didn't like.
We saw the reactions of the world to Christ in His time, they killed Him. What did He say in the wrong way that caused these reactions? Our delivery is not determined by the reactions of others, it is led by the Holy Spirit, the reactions of others is on them alone.
In other words, the anger of others is justified, and speaking our opinion is not to be spoken because it might make someone else angry. It gave the narcissist an excuse for their angst and rude reactions.
Notice the angry person speaks their opinion freely but we don't get to. I have had narcissists rage at me for expressing an opposing opinion but they afforded themselves the right to say anything they wanted and we were supposed to just nod and smile.
We know these people don't love because when we love someone we are interested in their opinion even if we might disagree.
When we have love in our hearts we want others to express themselves maintaining their own right to convictions and beliefs.
Ephesians 4:1-3 "1 As a prisoner in the Lord, then, I urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling you have received: 2with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, 3and with diligence to preserve the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.…"
We cannot pulloff true witnessing in our own flesh. This must be a work of Christ in our inner being. Whatever is in our inner being will be expressed in our outer attitudes and actions. Those who are discerning can see our attitudes and actions for what they are. Even unbelievers can see hypocrisy when it raises its ugly head. Those who rage have anger in their heart, if they did not they would never rage. No one makes another peson angry. Anger is a choice that comes from the inner man, unrestrained and untrained emotions.
Matthew 15:7-9
You hypocrites! Well did Isaiah prophesy of you, when he said: “‘This people honors me with their lips, but their heart is far from me; in vain do they worship me, teaching as doctrines the commandments of men.’”
Those who say they are Christians but seek to demolish another human being merely to win over them are most likely not born again, unless they are repentant at some point regretting that they allowed their emotions to carry them. An authentic believer will be sorry and know quickly that they have sinned in their anger. The unsaved will not be sorry, even believing they were right, causing them to repeat their sinful behavior again.
Those who feel justified by rude behavior because someone said something they didn't like are not being led by the Holy Spirit. If they do this consistently without a conscience they are probably not born again.
Matthew 7:15-20 "15 “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. 16 You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? 17 Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 18 A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. 19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20 Therefore by their fruits you will know them."
What are the fruit of the Spirit? God tells us:
Galatians 5:22-23
"22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."
When there is raging there is lack of all the fruit. When the raging is not repented of, there is probably not salvation.
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