When we owned an ice cream business we went to fairs, festivals, and high schools to sell our cups of ice cream, I noticed from time to time that the young girls who were dressed immodestly would pull their clothes together as if to hide a little when they interacted with me in the booth.
I was smiling, happy, engaging, and non-judgmental, but something about our interaction caused them to want to cover up what they had exposed.
I believe it was the Holy Spirit in me that convicted them and nothing about me personally. Those who are dressed immodestly are convicted by the Holy Spirit when they encounter Him.
They either hide as Adam and Eve did or they become angry and try to find something wrong with the person who has the Holy Spirit dwelling in them.
Mankind knows what is modest and what is not, even unbelieving men will show more respect to a woman dressed modestly than they do to a woman who is showing too much. They sort of sense the immodest woman wants them to lust after her, that's why she dresses that way.
This principle of Holy Spirit conviction is also true of narcissists who act rudely but want to despise those who do not act this way.
When a narcissist encounters someone who is hospitable they use rudeness, sometimes covertly to intimidate the believer into responding in anger. Their purpose is to cause a sinful attitude in their target so the narcissist can feel good about their rudeness.
When we do not respond in anger or rudeness to the narcissist their contempt grows worse as they escalate their attempts but in such a covert way that it could have plausible deniability. If confronted they can feign the victim to make the real victim seem guilty.
One example of this is when you have decorated your home in a way that pleases you and your husband. The narcissist comes to visit and the first thing out of their mouth is; "why did you paint these walls, I don't really like the color."
The first question in my mind would be; "why are you telling me that, after all, you don't live here. Should I change my walls to suit you?"
We know there is no real purpose in making a rude comment like the narcissist expresses because the color of the walls is not their business and not in their home. The only reason to say such a rude thing is to make the owner of the home feel foolish for their own taste in decorating.
A kind person might not like the color but would not say anything because they know the home does not belong to them, and it is not their business to like or dislike it. The kind person who didn't like the decorating would not say anything or would choose one aspect they did like and comment on that.
It has been my experience that kind people don't notice decorating or how a person is dressed. They are interested in visiting with the friend they love, not too much else matters.
For the narcissist politeness, kindness and hospitality are embarrassing. They do not show kindness and hospitality so they hate when someone else does. In other words, the narcissist hates anyone "upstaging" them in good deeds. Since they are not generally hospitable and do not have love they are challenged by those who do express love and kindness.
This is one of the reasons we must keep our distance from those who have no manners because they like to be rude. We operate from the Holy Spirit love, they hate it and attempt to destroy it in us by their responses to it.
We must resolve never to become like the narcissist by allowing them to goad us into acting the way they do through terse and dismissive remarks. Often the best way to handle those who act rudely is to ignore the rudeness with a smile or no expression at all.
Silence can be golden when we are being poked by the narcissist. They do not have anything to hold against us and we maintain the love in our Spirit. The Holy Spirit can remove the desire to teach the narcissist anything through a response.
A response to narcissistic rudeness is food for them, they will continue to poke as long as we continue to respond. Remember we cannot teach the narcissist anything, they are literally "hell bent" on ruining their target.
The devil uses the narcissist to upset the Christian into sinful responses, it teaches the narcissist that they can be rude because the Christian is also rude.
Narcissists are angry people all the time. The anger dwells inside the narcissist floating around in there for an opportunity to rise to the surface at any moment.
James 1:20
"For the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God."
Proverbs 22:24
"Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man,"
Proverbs 14:29
"Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly."
Remember a man given to anger full of themselves is not able to learn a lesson from us, so just don't even try to teach them. Leave room for the Lord to handle them while you allow the Holy Spirit to support you.
Proverbs 19:19
"A man of great wrath will pay the penalty, for if you deliver him, you will only have to do it again."
Proverbs 15:18
"A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention."
Never give the narcissist what he wants, that is a frustrated and angry reaction from us. The Holy Spirit can help us with this. There is nothing more satisfying than remaining calm and kind in the face of personal attacks, our guiltlessness is our comfort.
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