When Christ was asking God to forgive them "they know not what they do", He was asking the Father to extend forgiveness to the world based on the shedding of Christ's blood.
It did not mean the whole world would be saved, but that they would be given an opportunity to trust in Christ to become born-again.
Our prayer for loved ones to be saved is basically a prayer that God will work in their lives to cause them to see their need for Him. Praying for loved ones is not a magic bullet that forces them to trust in Christ. Christ will not save anyone who will not trust in Him.
1 Corinthians 2:13-15 "…13 And this is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom, but in words taught by the Spirit, expressing spiritual truths in spiritual words. 14 The natural man does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God. For they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned. 15 The spiritual man judges all things, but he himself is not subject to anyone’s judgment."
Our desire for someone to be saved does not save them. Saying we forgive offenders does not mean they are forgiven. Our prayers are subject to God's will and the response of the sinner to desire Him.
When a culture is based on "feelings" they will think their desires are the same as facts. If they feel better about someone then that is the same as if everything is resolved.
This is why there is continual inconsistency when a person says I forgive them but I can't have contact with them anymore. There has been no forgiveness extended, its just talk and just a feeling.
When we know confession of the offense has been taken care of and the offended party has forgiven then the relationship can be restored which is why God designed confession and forgiveness, not for our feelings or a better sense about ourselves but rather for the sake of a reconciled relationship.
This principle is seen in God's plan of salvation for mankind. We are to repent, be sorry about our sinfulness and then He will forgive us. God will not forgive an unsaved person without the confession of sinfulness.
Romans 10:9
"that if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved;"
If they do not confess, or believe, they will not be saved.
Acts 3:19
"Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord."
Saying "I forgive" without repentance is nothing at all except hope for better feelings, it's smoke and mirrors that does nothing useful.
Saying we forgive someone who is not repentant is like saying you don't have pain in your broken arm just because you want to believe there is no more pain. The reality is that there is pain and it will only be healed with proper care. Pretending you arm has already healed when it is not will only cause you to do things that will further harm it. Pretending is not useful in the Christian life and it does not heal anything.
We are told not to do revenge but we are not told to forgive without confession of offenses. We can even love the person who offends but there can be no relationship until there is repentance.
Of course, this discussion has to take into account silly little things that everyone does, just irritating habits or having a bad hair day, we never respond to the petty things, we all have them and must be patient.
Relationship breakers are the big things that do much harm and are continual. The evil attitudes and wicked lifestyles must be removed from the believer's life until there is full on repentance and a changed heart by Christ.
The Holy Spirit helps us to discern when to remove ourselves and when to be patient.
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