When a narcissist falsely accuses you of something simply reply with; "thank you for letting me know" and walk away. The narcissist is attempting to cause anger in us and an ungodly response. Any explanation will be met with another accusation or rage for the purpose of causing us to revert to our fleshly defensive nature.
Having experienced every tactic of the narcissist over my more than 70 years of life I can tell you will confidence that every action of the narcissist is to manipulate their target into misbehaving so they have a reason to accuse us of the very thing the narcissist is doing but we are not.
It's the old idea of poking at someone in their eye until they finally shout in anger at which point the narcissist says; "see how you are?" When the first polk comes it is best to immediately remove ourselves without response and see to it that our contact with that narcissist is at a bare minimum, and even no contact at all in the future.
Narcissists rarely apologize and if they do it is to return to the relationship to further offend. These people cannot be trusted even with an apology.
Having said all this I must say that not every ugly encounter is narcissistic. It is possible for decent people to have a bad response and feel sorry that they were offensive. When we meet someone like this who does not have a pattern of offending deliberately regularly, then we can forgive when they are sorry and resume the relationship.
In my personal experience, narcissists are very predictable, they act badly every time I am with them, it is a lifestyle toward me that never changes. There are no encounters with them that are pleasant so I keep my distance and some I have gone no contact with permanently.
Our culture is so very crass right now that rude behavior is seen as normal and the one who says it is rude is the one who is a target for disrespect.
2 Timothy 3:1-5 "3 But realize this, that in the last days difficult (ragingly insane) times will come.
2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, slanderers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy,
3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good,
4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God,
5 holding to a form of godliness although they have denied its power; avoid such people as these."
I have been accused of personally writing about someone when my articles were generic without names. When this happens we know that the one who believes we were writing about them has been convicted because they see themselves in it but instead of repenting to be cleansed and grow they fight against it and blame the writer.
They even act as though it was wrong to speak the truth even if it had been about them. This is a sure sign that the person complaining about the post is stubborn and rebellious. If the writing had been about them without their names then they should repent and fell shame that they acted so badly.
Narcissists are full of shame but will pretend they were attacked rather than repent.
Proverbs 1:7
"7 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction."
Proverbs 1:29
"29 Because they hated knowledge and did not choose the fear of the LORD,"
A wise person listens to a matter and self-reflects to make sure they were not the offender. If they were the offender they apologize and move on to do better. An insecure person will think they were the offender merely because someone else said they were. The narcissist will prey on weak-minded people, those who have been trained by the narcissist to accept false accusations, they endure false guilt.
When God has removed the pride from our hearts we can objectively evaluate whether we are wrong and admit when necessary. Those who are self-willed and narcissistic will never admit the wrong things they do and will readily accuse the one they offended of deserving it or that the narcissist didn't do it at all, in other words, they "gaslight" the victim of their hate.
If the narcissist cannot control the emotions of their target they will gossip and lie to others to turn them against the victim. Narcissists cannot endure that anyone likes their target, they must make sure that others hate them as much as the narcissist does.
The only real solution to this matter of gossip and triangulation is to remove ourselves from the narcissist and all those who believe their lies.
Proverbs 23:9 " 9 Do not speak to a fool, for he will despise the wisdom of your words."
When you have endured a narcissistic family system and those in it are not changing it is time to remove yourselves. Allow God to bring kind and loving people into your life as you wait on Him. It is better to be alone with Christ than in the company of mean-spirited God-haters who have only one goal and that is to ruin your walk with Christ.
Remember, you are never alone when you have Christ. And, there are others in the world who have endured what you have encountered. These people will be a blessing to us and we will support them in the Lord.
2 Corinthians 6:16-18 "…16 What agreement can exist between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: “I will dwell with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be My people.” 17 “Therefore come out from among them and be separate, says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you.” 18 And: “I will be a Father to you, and you will be My sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.”…
When family pressures you to remain in contact you are free to politely decline invitations and make other plans without any explanations. Narcissists will want to goad you into explanations so they can argue to instill shame and guilt for not attending their functions. If we do not explain and are calm and kind, they will eventually understand that we cannot be manipulated into doing their bidding.
Our family are those who love Jesus Christ the way we do and are walking the same path with us, that narrow one God speaks about.
Matthew 7:13-14
“Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it."
Hallelujah!!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment