Narcissistic abuse takes many forms, however, among Christians, the tactics have a little different look.
Family members do more to destroy family relationships through their example in how they treat us than with words. They use a lot of plausible deniability, the antics are so subtle that others who like the narcissist would either enjoy endorsing the antics or ignore it as though nothing wrong happened.
It really is true; "more is caught than taught." Someone doesn't have to say anything against another person, all they have to do is ignore them, make disapproving grunting sounds and show total disinterest in your accomplishments while boasting about their own.
Our modern church is full of Cliques who approve of some people and dismiss others as insignificant.
James 2:9
"But if you show partiality, you are committing sin and are convicted by the law as transgressors."
Our entire culture in this region, the Pacific Northwest, is narcissistic in nature. Many people will use more covert ways to show disregard for someone who makes others believe something is wrong with the person who is their target.
One of the traits of narcissistic behavior is to diminish those who are perceived as "less than" others, with the intent of allowing the narcissist to fit into the "special, popular" ones.
Romans 12:2 "Do not be conformed to this world, but continuously be transformed by the renewing of your minds so that you may be able to determine what God’s will is—what is proper, pleasing, and perfect."
Those who desire to walk deeply with Christ will never fit into the cliques of the church or the world. The cliques in the church are worldly depending more on their superficial persona than a depth of Christianity that comes from seeking the approval of Christ rather than the approval of man.
James 2:1
"My brothers, show no partiality as you hold the faith in our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory."
Galatians 1:10
"10 For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ."
Never feel badly that you have been ignored, marginalized, and even maligned, it is a good sign that you are not adhering to the cultic nature of the world whether it is in the church gathering or among unbelievers.
One person narcissists hate more than anyone else is the one who is strong and resolute in their walk with Christ. Narcissists are all about control over others, they despise anyone they cannot control and the born-again believer is controlled only by the Holy Spirit.
Matthew 10:21-23 "…21 Brother will betray brother to death, and a father his child; children will rise against their parents and have them put to death. 22 You will be hated by everyone because of My name, but the one who perseveres to the end will be saved. 23 When they persecute you in one town, flee to the next. "
We do not see adult children murdering their parents often these days but they are treating them in ways that demonstrate a hatred as a form of murder.
Matthew 5:21-22 "21 “You have heard that the ancients were told, ‘You shall not murder,’ and ‘Whoever commits murder shall be answerable to the court.’
22 But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be answerable to the court; and whoever says to his brother, ‘You good-for-nothing,’ shall be answerable to the supreme court; and whoever says, ‘You fool,’ shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell. "
Hating, manipulating, dismissing, and gossiping against another brother or sister is seen as an act worthy of hell, this is how much God hates it.
May we seek out those who are being treated marginally with disregard and become a support for them.
Personally, even in school I never wanted to be a part of the "in crowd", they seemed so mean and silly to me. I always gravitated to those the "in crowd" mocked and demeaned just to feel superior.
Because I did this the "in crowd" began doing the same things to me. , I was treated this way continually by family, so I was familiar with the pain of rejection growing up.
I was not mocked by anyone until I defended those who were being treated disrespectfully. God took this trait in me and showed me the difference between those who loved God and those who are pretending to be Christians.
Never regret the rejection you experienced by mean-spirited people, it trains us to be the opposite of the world and makes us wonderfully joyful about being in the family of God, the real authentic family of God.
John 13:34-35
"34 I am giving you a new commandment, that you love one another; just as I have loved you, that you also love one another.
35 By this all people will know that you are My disciples: if you have love for one another.”
Walk in the love of Christ and you will never miss those wretched cliques!!! However, you may want to pray for those who have been caught up in them, that they find salvation in Christ.
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