Heaping Hot Coals of Kindness is a Work of God, Not our own Work

If we are being kind to someone to "heap hot coals of kindness" in an attempt to manipulate their feelings then we are sinning. When God said to heap hot coals of kindness He did not mean we should do it to make others feel sad and guilty.

God's meaning was that if we are loving and kind genuinely it could heap coals on someone's head. This does not mean we should deliberately "heap coals" to make others feel bad, this is the same as revenge and the one we do it to will know it is manipulation and not kindness but rather malicious self-serving prideful vindictiveness to inflict more pain, this is not love but hate.

So often I see superficial believers using the scripture to justify revenge while calling it something else. When anyone does this it is sin and God hates it.

Romans 12:9 "Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good."

It is clearly hypocritical to exact revenge through phony kindness knowing your desire is to hurt another human being, whether it be through acting superior to them or just out and out demeaning through counterfeit Christianity posing as love.

It is evil and self-serving to do your own heaping coals of kindness. If the coals of kindness come it ought to be through the Holy Spirit as He works empathy and His kind of love in us in all that we do and to all whom we do it.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

4 Love is patient, love is kind, it is not jealous; love does not brag, it is not arrogant.

5 It does not act disgracefully, it does not seek its own benefit; it is not provoked, does not keep an account of a wrong suffered,

6 it does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 it keeps every confidence, it believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

8 Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away with; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away with."

Heaping hot coals for our own purposes is sin and a form of "humble boasting", as if to say; "look at me, I am better than you."

Let's not be phony, manipulative and mean-spirited through heaping our own coals of kindness, let's ask God to work genuine traits of love by the power of the Holy Spirit through the expression of His traits as listed in His Word.

Love and its Expressions

Love has a wide range of expressions. If it ever includes discipline then it ought to show a great deal of empathy toward those who need to be encouraged to stop their sin and return to the fold cleansed of their sin through confession and forgiveness.

Without confession, there can be no forgiveness. Confession and forgiveness are two sides to the same coin that leads to reconciliation. No one can be reconciled if one party refuses to confess or when they confess the other side will not forgive. Both are necessary for reconciliation.

There is a deep cleansing that occurs in someone who is willing to own their sins enough to confess. There can be no cleansing and no character reform without confession of sin.

It doesn't even matter for the one who confesses if they are forgiven, only that they own it. Those who are commanded to forgive when someone confesses will become bitter and are in sin by not forgiving.

In order for confession and forgiveness to occur God's way there must be a discussion of what happened. Without discussion of the problem confession and forgiveness do nothing, they are only words that hit the ceiling and fall to the ground.

We live in a culture that thinks and acts as though we are to "just let everything go without discussion. It is not possible to trust someone who has offended you when they will not have a discussion for the purpose of learning the hurt and heart of the other person.

Those who love others want to understand and they hate to do anything that is offensive. Prideful people justify themselves or outright deny the things they do. They will often blame the victim of their abuse for the problems in their relationships.

Let me be clear.....no one will change their character who refuses to own their own wrong attitudes and actions. They cannot be trusted if they cannot be honest about the details. They can also not be trusted if they justify bad behavior by blaming others.

If we are empathetic, kind and loving we will want to admit where we went wrong, people who do this will grow emotionally and spiritually.

Those who go to the end of their life remaining stubborn, refusing to admit their wrong attitudes and actions will not grow and will even regress, becoming more childish as they grow older.

Do not be a fool, self reflect often, admit often and keep comparing yourself with Christ and you will never have a high opinion of yourself or a low opinion of others.

Proverbs 26:1-12

"Similitudes and Instructions

26 Like snow in summer and like rain in harvest,

So honor is not fitting for a fool.

2 Like a sparrow in its flitting, like a swallow in its flying,

So a curse without cause does not come to rest.

3 A whip is for the horse, a bridle for the donkey,

And a rod for the back of fools.

4 Do not answer a fool according to his foolishness,

Or you will also be like him.

5 Answer a fool as his foolishness deserves,

So that he will not be wise in his own eyes.

6 One who sends a message by the hand of a fool

Chops off his own feet and drinks violence.

7 Like useless legs to one who cannot walk,

So is a proverb in the mouths of fools.

8 Like one who binds a stone in a sling,

So is one who gives honor to a fool.

9 Like a thorn that sticks in the hand of a heavy drinker,

So is a proverb in the mouths of fools.

10 Like an archer who wounds everyone,

So is one who hires a fool or hires those who pass by.

11 Like a dog that returns to its vomit,

So is a fool who repeats his foolishness.

12 Do you see a person wise in his own eyes?

There is more hope for a fool than for him."

When a friend is content to pretend nothing is wrong when an offense has occurred, we know this person is not a friend. A true friend hates offending others, no matter who it is that became offended. We want to clear it up, if there is no desire to clear up an offense we know this person is not our friend.

If we don't care enough about a relationship to want to clear misunderstandings up or to confess a sin, then we are no-ones friend either.

Deuteronomy: Why It’s Hard to Love God

Do not allow the tricks of the devil to influence your responses!

Do not worry about those who have treated you disrespectfully and have rejected you, allow them to be them, and get on with your walk with Christ.

Proverbs 13:19-21 "…19 Desire fulfilled is sweet to the soul, but turning from evil is detestable to fools. 20 He who walks with the wise will become wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed. 21 Disaster pursues sinners, but prosperity is the reward of the righteous."

The narcissist shows up every once in a while to keep you off guard. They never confess their sin of disrespect but hope that their manipulation of the "sweet/mean cycle" will keep you dysregulated and confused.

If there has been no confession of sin tells you the narcissist has not changed but wants you to believe they did nothing wrong. The "sweet cycle" is designed to draw you back in so they can reabuse at a later time when your boundaries have been relaxed. They have no intention of changing their hearts or attitudes, they only manipulate to regain control.

Satan is at the root of all these attitudes. He has been working since the time in the garden with Eve to cause us to become distrustful of Christ and weak in our own spirit. The narcissists do not understand that we have the Spirit of Christ living in us and that the devil has no power over us unless we take our focus off of Christ.

When we focus on the antics of the narcissist it will be more about what they are doing to us than it is about Christ working through us, this is the devil's goal.

Our victory is in taking our focus off of the mean-spirited narcissist and remaining focused on our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. When He is the focus the nonsense others do to us is null and void, it will not control us and we may even be able to laugh at the silliness of the devil and his minions. .

Psalm 37:12-14 "…12 The wicked scheme against the righteous and gnash their teeth at them, 13but the Lord laughs, seeing that their day is coming. 14 The wicked have drawn the sword and bent the bow to bring down the poor and needy, to slay those whose ways are upright."

Do not fall into the trap of believing the narcissist is a wounded soul who is just hurting others because they were hurt. We have all been hurt at times, no one has to react to the hurt by hurting others. This is why God said;

Luke 6:27:28 "27 But to those of you who will listen, I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. 2"

We cannot change another person but we have full control over how we act through the power of the Holy Spirit. The attacks of these last days mentalities are designed by the devil to ruin our reputation so others believe they have legitimate things against us, when the truth is they do not.

Remember Eve was convinced by the devil to distrust God and ignore His commands, the devil managed to turn Eve away from focus on God and onto her own desires and the lies of the devil.

Do not think for one moment that the devil has changed his tactics, he is still working today to turn believers' focus away from and onto the silly drama of the unsaved and even those within the church who are allowing the devil to have a foothold. Do not allow the weak believers and the unsaved to draw you into their drama. If you must remove yourselves and be alone lean to enjoy Christ when you have no one else who wants to walk with you in righteousness.

In these last days as described in 2 Timothy 3 we are going to experience more foolishness within the church than righteousness. Allow the Holy Spirit to guide you in all things no matter what the opinions of others may say, most of the time they will have the wrong answers and they will not be based on the Scriptures.

How to be Born Again and Forever

If you have confessed your sinfulness and desire to be changed into a new creation by Christ you will never lose your salvation. However, you may be disciplined so you will return to obedience.

If you have no desire to be changed by Christ, love your sin and refuse to listen to His Word, it is likely that you were never born again and must confess your sins and trust in Christ.

Hebrews 12:5-7 "…5 And you have forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons: “My son, do not take lightly the discipline of the Lord, and do not lose heart when He rebukes you. 6 For the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and He chastises every son He receives.” 7 Endure suffering as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?…"

Ephesians 1:13-14

"13 In Him, you also, after listening to the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation—having also believed, you were sealed in Him with the Holy Spirit of the promise, 14 who is a first installment of our inheritance, in regard to the redemption of God’s own possession, to the praise of His glory."

We will be Hated for Christ's Sake

If someone deletes or blocks us because of the gospel we will do as God said; "shake the dust from our feet.

I am not upset when God reveals the heart of a friend when they walk away because of Christ. Even when they gossip against me, I count it a blessing that those who gossip and those who listen and judge based on that gossip are revealed as ones I have no interest in being friends with, I let them go and don't look back.

Unless, they come to me at some later date and confess their sin of gossip and change their behavior, which I have never witnessed in my entire life.

I have actually had gossips come to visit me either by phone or a visit to my home merely to ask questions compelling information to twist and gossip to others.

I have had gossips come to my Facebook page to attack and then gossip, always distorting my answers and reactions. A gossip is a liar, revising what was said and done to make their target to be the bad one, even though they have no evidence we are what they wish we were.

If you are innocent of the wrongdoing you are accused of then feel free and blessed to remove those who wish to harm you, from your lives. They will keep gossiping out of frustration that they cannot control you or antagonize you. When they cannot control your emotions they will attempt to control how others view you. Anyone who listens to them is one of them and cannot be trusted.

Never give a narcissist gossiper any information and never give those who listen to the gossip any information. Do not answer questions, reveal information or inquire anything of them. They soon will get the message that you will not communicate with them and lose interest in trying to gather fodder for their gossipy friends.

Proverbs 13:20 "One who walks with wise people will be wise, But a companion of fools will suffer harm.'

Make your close companions those who love you, agree with your choice to walk with Christ, and depart from those who want to ruin you in the dust.

Matthew 10:14 "And whoever does not receive you nor listen to your words, as you leave that house or city, shake the dust off your feet."

When the Narcissists Gossip about You!

When narcissists gossip against you count it all joy that they are exposing who your friends are and who loves you or not. Those who believe the narcissist are themselves gossip mongers, not the kind of people we want anything to do with.

When we know the truth and Christ in us knows the truth we have nothing to fear. And, there will be justice in the end of this life. Also, God said it would be like this for those who love the Lord.

The devil wants to ruin our reputation and isolate us thinking being alone will break us down. The truth is that we have Christ living in us and no one can break us down to turn away from God.

Matthew 10:21-23 "…21Brother will betray brother to death, and a father his child; children will rise against their parents and have them put to death. 22 You will be hated by everyone because of My name, but the one who perseveres to the end will be saved. 23When they persecute you in one town, flee to the next. "

When we have been rejected by family and friends we are free to leave them permanently, unless they are a spouse, then we can learn to deal with the attitudes while still living for Christ.

Proverbs 29:27

"An unjust man is detestable to the righteous, and one whose way is upright is detestable to the wicked."

It is better to remove ourselves to be alone than to be surrounded by those who want our walk to be destroyed. Remember, we are never alone as long as we have Christ. We are not co-dependent with human beings, we are completely dependent on Christ.

Psalm 62:5-8

"5 My soul, wait in silence for God alone,

For my hope is from Him.

6 He alone is my rock and my salvation,

My refuge; I will not be shaken.

7 My salvation and my glory rest on God;

The rock of my strength, my refuge is in God.

8 Trust in Him at all times, you people;

Pour out your hearts before Him;

God is a refuge for us. Selah

Psalm 62:11-12 "11 God has spoken once;

Twice I have heard this:

That power belongs to God;

12 And faithfulness is Yours, Lord,

For You reward a person according to his work."

There is no better friend than Jesus Christ and He knows the truth about everything. Hallelujah!