"Those in the room snarled at me for not releasing my seat and patted the teen on the shoulder to comfort her, that she was not given what she wanted."
For those who have never lived in a youth indulgent and disrespectful culture as I have, may find this story unbelievable.
Many years ago I was a thirty something mother of six children. We were at a holiday gathering in which everyone was related.
I walked into my hostesses dinning room, sat down in a chair beside a table that was completely empty surrounded by 7 other chairs that were also empty.
A young lady in her teens tapped me on the shoulder and in an irritated voice said to me, "you are sitting in my chair." I calmly told her that there are 7 other chairs from which to choose and invited her to sit in one of the other chairs.
Finding it disrespectful and rude for a young person to demand that an older person move so that she could sit where she wanted, even though there was no evidence that she had even been there. No cups or plates that indicated she needed to return to her things, I was shocked that she would do this.
When I invited her to choose another chair, the rest of the adults in the room acted irritated, assigning the rudeness to me for not giving into this disrespectful and indulgent child.
In the South, this child would have been chastised by every adult in the room, in fact the child would never have done it. In fact, in the South the children give up their chairs for the adults when there are no other chairs left.
In this gathering of rebellious narcissists, those in the room snarled at me for not releasing my seat and patted the teen on the shoulder in comfort that she was not given what she wanted.
Here's how this would have gone in a time when children respected and honored adults.
The teen who had left the table minutes before, may have been sitting there and left. When she arrived back at the table with the 7 extra chairs, would have simply sat down and said nothing.
If there had been a place at the spot where the adult sat down the teen would have politely asked the adult to pass her things as she sat next to the adult. The adult would have apologized for taking a seat she had returned to and graciously passed her things to her.
Had there been a plate or cup, the adult would not have chosen that chair to begin with.
When the entire culture elevates rudeness to a "right", we can expect that those who will not give into rudeness will be maligned and mocked, reinforcing the sinful behavior.
No one adult in that room that day chastised the rude and disrespectful teen for her bad behavior, but the adult was treated with contempt by several in the house the rest of the day.
Those who indulge bad behavior are those who are targeted for disrespectful treatment. This account was one of many that happened over the course of my years with these same people.
Had this rude person been another adult, I would have gotten up and moved. But because it was a rebellious teen, it would have felt wrong to indulge her.
The very sad thing is that extended family continually encouraged wrong attitudes and actions by praising them while demeaning those who desired to teach manners and kindness. It would not have been a good example to the other children in the house to allow a disrespectful one to have her way while teaching the teen that it was alright to treat an adult this way.
We teach people how to treat us by what we allow. There is a time when we let rudeness go, however at that time it didn't occur to me that anyone would be angry at me for inviting her to sit in one of the other 7 chairs.
When we live in a culture where this kind of response is common, we begin to wonder if there is anything left of honor and respect for adults or authority.
In this culture, in this part of the country, often the children come first, the adults are chastised and mocked for requiring respect. It is considered mean spirited to call anyone to account for bad behavior.
When we tolerate rudeness to spare the evil doer some temporary bad feelings, all we manage to do is feed the monster. The rudeness grows unchallenged and the culture slides down the slippery slope of lawlessness.
Those of us who lived in a different era where respect and honor were normal and taught by everyone, feel a sense of "shock and awe" at the continual downward spiral into shabby ill tempered behavior.
If we multiply an experience like this a thousand times over a 40 year period we are left wondering how there could ever be a return to decency, as things get worse every day.
2 Timothy 3
"3 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come.
2 For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy,
3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good,
4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God,
5 holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these."
Now we have adults who are acting like ill mannered children. They are training their children by example to be ruthless to anyone and everyone who will not pamper and elevate their every whim.
Why, you might ask, do I speak of these negative things so much?
The answer is that too many adults are thinking of this terribly disrespectful behavior as normal and acceptable. IT IS NOT!!!
There was a time, not so long ago that most, if not all adults would have chastised a child who would do such a disrespectful thing.
Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go,
And when he is old he will not depart from it."
It is a general principle that if we actively train our children to think and act properly they will continue with it when they are older. However, if we only tell them how to act, but we act in ways that negate our words, the children will go with our example through actions rather than our words.
Words are never enough, we must actually be what we tell them they should be, otherwise we are hypocritical causing the children to disregard what we say in favor of doing what we do.
1 John 3:18 "18 Little children, let us love not in word and speech, but in action and truth."
It is not kind or loving to allow a child to act disrespectfully, it is child abuse.
For those who have never lived in a youth indulgent and disrespectful culture as I have, may find this story unbelievable.
Many years ago I was a thirty something mother of six children. We were at a holiday gathering in which everyone was related.
I walked into my hostesses dinning room, sat down in a chair beside a table that was completely empty surrounded by 7 other chairs that were also empty.
A young lady in her teens tapped me on the shoulder and in an irritated voice said to me, "you are sitting in my chair." I calmly told her that there are 7 other chairs from which to choose and invited her to sit in one of the other chairs.
Finding it disrespectful and rude for a young person to demand that an older person move so that she could sit where she wanted, even though there was no evidence that she had even been there. No cups or plates that indicated she needed to return to her things, I was shocked that she would do this.
When I invited her to choose another chair, the rest of the adults in the room acted irritated, assigning the rudeness to me for not giving into this disrespectful and indulgent child.
In the South, this child would have been chastised by every adult in the room, in fact the child would never have done it. In fact, in the South the children give up their chairs for the adults when there are no other chairs left.
In this gathering of rebellious narcissists, those in the room snarled at me for not releasing my seat and patted the teen on the shoulder in comfort that she was not given what she wanted.
Here's how this would have gone in a time when children respected and honored adults.
The teen who had left the table minutes before, may have been sitting there and left. When she arrived back at the table with the 7 extra chairs, would have simply sat down and said nothing.
If there had been a place at the spot where the adult sat down the teen would have politely asked the adult to pass her things as she sat next to the adult. The adult would have apologized for taking a seat she had returned to and graciously passed her things to her.
Had there been a plate or cup, the adult would not have chosen that chair to begin with.
When the entire culture elevates rudeness to a "right", we can expect that those who will not give into rudeness will be maligned and mocked, reinforcing the sinful behavior.
No one adult in that room that day chastised the rude and disrespectful teen for her bad behavior, but the adult was treated with contempt by several in the house the rest of the day.
Those who indulge bad behavior are those who are targeted for disrespectful treatment. This account was one of many that happened over the course of my years with these same people.
Had this rude person been another adult, I would have gotten up and moved. But because it was a rebellious teen, it would have felt wrong to indulge her.
The very sad thing is that extended family continually encouraged wrong attitudes and actions by praising them while demeaning those who desired to teach manners and kindness. It would not have been a good example to the other children in the house to allow a disrespectful one to have her way while teaching the teen that it was alright to treat an adult this way.
We teach people how to treat us by what we allow. There is a time when we let rudeness go, however at that time it didn't occur to me that anyone would be angry at me for inviting her to sit in one of the other 7 chairs.
When we live in a culture where this kind of response is common, we begin to wonder if there is anything left of honor and respect for adults or authority.
In this culture, in this part of the country, often the children come first, the adults are chastised and mocked for requiring respect. It is considered mean spirited to call anyone to account for bad behavior.
When we tolerate rudeness to spare the evil doer some temporary bad feelings, all we manage to do is feed the monster. The rudeness grows unchallenged and the culture slides down the slippery slope of lawlessness.
Those of us who lived in a different era where respect and honor were normal and taught by everyone, feel a sense of "shock and awe" at the continual downward spiral into shabby ill tempered behavior.
If we multiply an experience like this a thousand times over a 40 year period we are left wondering how there could ever be a return to decency, as things get worse every day.
2 Timothy 3
"3 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come.
2 For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy,
3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good,
4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God,
5 holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these."
Now we have adults who are acting like ill mannered children. They are training their children by example to be ruthless to anyone and everyone who will not pamper and elevate their every whim.
Why, you might ask, do I speak of these negative things so much?
The answer is that too many adults are thinking of this terribly disrespectful behavior as normal and acceptable. IT IS NOT!!!
There was a time, not so long ago that most, if not all adults would have chastised a child who would do such a disrespectful thing.
Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go,
And when he is old he will not depart from it."
It is a general principle that if we actively train our children to think and act properly they will continue with it when they are older. However, if we only tell them how to act, but we act in ways that negate our words, the children will go with our example through actions rather than our words.
Words are never enough, we must actually be what we tell them they should be, otherwise we are hypocritical causing the children to disregard what we say in favor of doing what we do.
1 John 3:18 "18 Little children, let us love not in word and speech, but in action and truth."
It is not kind or loving to allow a child to act disrespectfully, it is child abuse.
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