The Selfish Streak

How do narcissists become narcissists?

Mankind is born with a selfish streak, it is only Christ Who can take it out of them. However there is an increase in this problem of selfishness in our day, so much so that it is difficult to find those who understand what unselfishness looks like.

It has been my observation that far too much praise while parenting a child, can bring on attitudes of superiority and competitiveness.

When a child is told continually how wonderful they are, they begin to believe they are better than everyone else. It is normal and natural to tell a child he did a good job, but to continually do it for small matters when he/she is expected to do the job, is not helpful. We need to learn to do things well without constant praise. A job well done should bring enough joy that there is no need for others to fawn all over us.

Praise in our culture is almost a habit, "good job" is given out for everything. The children seem to expect it all the time for everything.

Another problem that creates a sense of entitlement, is the practice of what I call "letting the child run wild." When children have no rules or boundaries that they are expected to follow, they grow up being resentful toward those who expect things from them, they resent the standards that others might require. We see children dictating to parents often now, the parent shrinks under the mighty tantrum of the child.

In marriage the narcissist expects to have whatever they want without consideration for others in the household. They also demonstrate an irritation when asked to help with things. These people expect to be considered but do not like considering anyone else.

An undisciplined child who is left to always make their own decisions without accountability will become enraged in a marriage after they become adults. When they are expected to help, even resistant to helping without having to be asked when it is clearly seen that there is a need for help. These people require a request for help, as though we should state everything clearly to obtain any assistance, then they show irritation that they were asked.

A mature and kind adult should not have to be asked for help when everyone can see the need. They simply jump in and make themselves useful without anyone having to tell them.

If a mature adults sees a need but is not sure if their input would be helpful, they offer to help in case helping would make the ordeal more burdensome.

It is the narcissist who walks right on by an old lady struggling with packages, or ignores the man on the street who is having a heart attack, after all, they think it is not their responsibility. The lack of empathy and kindness is staggering with these types.

The narcissist does not like to help because they must be the center of attention. Being the second man out does not appeal to the narcissist, they must be the one in charge or they don't want to play the game. They feel a need to be begged, when they are begged they show displeasure at the request, nothing is pleasant when the narcissist is around.

This mentality reminds me of the child who invites someone she dislikes to her birthday party just so her devalued friend can see her ignoring her.

Those children who grew up in homes where they were always the center of attention and who were indulged in continual adulation, are the narcissists we encounter today. The reason I am convinced of what I am saying is the dramatic increase in selfishness in our culture today, after the children of the '70's were raised on an overdose of self esteem, they grew up to be the selfish and narcissistic adults we must endure today.

The parents of these over indulged children, were not this selfish growing up, they were not allowed to be, but as they raised their children according to the cultural teaching in the schools, they became this way themselves. After all, we don't teach things to our children we don't believe in. The children of the '50's demonstrated better values, but as they were indoctrinated by the culture, they began to raise their own children on the indulgent standards of the schools in the '70's.

Proverbs 29:15-16 "15 The rod and reproof give wisdom, But a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother. 16 When the wicked increase, transgression increases; But the righteous will see their fall.…"

1 Corinthians 15:33
"33 Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals.”

We have seen an increase in elder-abandonment, snarky language toward elders and a resistance to correction or instruction. This generations view of life is wrapped around the idea that they must have what they want, when they want it and without any challenge to their attitudes, thoughts, ideas or actions.

In short, these people who display the maturity of a six year old, are in the government positions today, and the parents raising the children of our next generation. Frankly, it frightens me to see all this, when I once knew of a time when this was not the case. There has always been an element of narcissism in our culture, but it was the "crazy fringe", that openly operated this way. Now normal reasonable people are the crazy fringe, at least in our region. "Back in the day", most people were taught to be reasonable and kind, those who were not, hid it to be accepted by the culture.

2 Timothy 3:1-5 "3 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. 2 For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, 4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these."

This is a hard time for believers in our country, who understand what love looks like, who have been deeply invested in empathy toward others. We know what real love looks like, we are in a state of shock and disbelief over what we see every day.

Revelation 22:11-13 "…11 Let the unrighteous continue to be unrighteous, and the vile continue to be vile; let the righteous continue to practice righteousness, and the holy continue to be holy.” 12 “Behold, I am coming quickly, and My reward is with Me, to give to each person according to what he has done. 13 I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End.”…"