I have lived with for many years the affects of divorce and remarriage. My husband and I adopted four older children who came from abusive divorce situations.
From the moment they entered our home, they could not accept us as their parents, nor could the trust anyone. Their view of marriage was destroyed, even though they came into a home that valued it.
All of them today are either not married, having lived in shack up situations or are divorced. They had no grounding in terms of family for the first few formative years of their life, it made them resistant to any instruction.
As they grew into their teen years they resisted all boundaries and encouragement to improve or grow on any level.
Our attempts to find their particular bents and talents and guide them in those directions were met with anger and covert aggression. If we suggested a good way to go, even in the direction of their own talents, they would sabotage it merely because an adult thought it was a good idea.
This battle with our attempts to help them through their problems and guide them to become productive human beings was met with resistance and anger at every turn.
When a child has been damaged in this way by narcissistic parents, they learn not to trust anyone ever.
These are the consequences for the children of childish and selfish parents who say they care about their children but would do nothing that would make a life for them.
Divorce and remarriage has created this mess that devastated the children who were trained in the early formative years of their life to do what ever they want while fighting and scratching to resist instruction and guidance.
Sadly this same mentality is has been propagated on every level of our culture, from schools to churches. Let the selfish parents do whatever they want, make the excuse that they weren't Christians or they had a rough time in their life. Blah, blah, blah!!!!
I am weary of the whinny babies that make their excuses to ruin the lives of children merely because they are having a rough time. Yes, this is harsh, but then the lives of these children were horrid because of the adults who would not man up and act like adults.
As a culture we have become so soft on sin that we are willing to throw our children into the gutter just to be able to justify our sin. Shame, shame and shame on all those who are looking for excuses to bail out of their marriages while their children become more and more broken.
The divorce is bad enough as the children agonize over having only one absentee parent and every other weekend with someone they hardly know who should be called father or mother. That is hard enough on a child, they do not have two homes, they have no home. Then the selfish parents bring into the mix the second spouse, the one who couldn't possibly love the children as they should because they have no real connection to them except that they sleep in the same bed with their mother/father.
Remarriage causes resentment in children, they become angry when they see their parent with another person who has no connection to them. Has anyone noticed the rise in teen suicide these days, go and research it, then ask yourself the questions; "what on earth is going on with these kids."
The children have been taught to love themselves, they have no real purpose except to aggrandize themselves, then their parents do not love them enough to sacrifice their own happiness for their children, or make the effort to make a marriage work, their is no home they can call their own, the new spouses come in and make them feel even more isolated and distant from their parents.
Yep, we should be able to see clearly the mess we have made with all this self esteem and divorcing, not to mention the new honey, as the children see it, the interloper, who further takes away attention from the children.
But no, those who love their sin will not see it, they will continue in it because they have been taught to love themselves!
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