When a target is confused because of the irrational reactions of the narcissist it's because the narcissist never uses specifics to explain themselves, in fact they do not explain themselves at all.
When asked to explain themselves the narcissist spews forth insults and name calling without details of specific actions.
They cannot say, "you did this" or "you said that", they have no evidence of wrong doing, so they use generalities or they contrive something that is not true according to their own idea of our character.
Jealousy is a huge motivator for these baseless tirades. The more jealous of us they are, the worse the tirade. Some actions against us are so covert, that if we were to tell anyone our testimony would sound petty and silly. When this petty and silly behavior becomes continual, every time we see them, we can be sure there is more to the situation than someone having a bad hair day.
Everyone has bad hair days, they feel in a slump, are a little testy because things are not going well for them, this happens to everyone. However when this is a constant habit coming from someone at each encounter, then we will see the pattern of abuse as regular and real, it is time to take notice and stop making excuses for them.
The narcissist is not content to believe something bad and act on it, they must turn others against us too. They are never more delighted than when they have managed to get others to abuse us too.
Luke 6:28 "28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you."
When we have to be in the presence of mean spirited people we will be exercising grace in our interactions, but that does not mean that we seek them out as friends.
Proverbs 29:10-12 "10 Men of bloodshed hate the blameless, But the upright are concerned for his life. 11 A fool always loses his temper, But a wise man holds it back. 12 If a ruler pays attention to falsehood, All his ministers become wicked.…"
Our culture has been teaching in the public school system for decades now that people are basically good and that we should stay with friends and relatives no matter how they act. This is unbiblical and ruinous to the person seeking to follow Christ.
2 Timothy 3:5 tells us to remove ourselves from them and 1 Corinthians 15:33-34 which tells us not to keep company with those who are evil because we will become like them.
When we spend a lot of time with someone, even without thinking we begin to pick up their ways, it's just a fact. In order to remain connected to the ways of God, we read His Word, listen to the Holy Spirit and make sure our close friends are those who love Him the same way we do.
So many believers are using language that is crude and fleshly, the very language for which our mothers would have washed out our mouths with soap, in my generation. And, these believers think nothing of it because their constant companion is the movies and television. They are using the language they hear every day.
Most people do not have the strength to resist the pull to fit into the crowd. Not fitting in, not using fowl language, or not watching the same shows, will leave us on the outside of many gatherings, even at work, sometimes at church. Fitting in becomes the goal of many believers, the thought of being alone is too frightening for weak minded people.
Those who are strong in the Lord, whose trust is in Him everyday, have no need to fit into the groups or clans of the world, we are content to be alone with Christ if that is our lot.
Praise the Lord for those times we get to spend with authentic born again believers, they bless us.
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