Bitterness is when someone refuses to forgive an offender when the offender confesses to be forgiven. There is no bitterness involved when the offended does not prematurely forgive because the offender is not sorry, even continuing in their offenses over and over again.
There are those who will say you should forgive these people but do not have contact with them. This is nothing more than words and feelings, it is not forgiveness.
Forgiveness is extended when someone confesses their offense, forgiveness is extended for the purpose of reconciling the relationship.
Forgiveness is not a feeling or words, it is an act of releasing the debt of the offense because the offender is sorry for what they have done and wishes to do differently.
We are to forgive the WAY God forgives, that is when there has been confession.
Those who forgive the offender before the offender is sorry are merely enabling and encouraging wicked behavior. God never at any time tells us to forgive so we will feel better or to stave off bitterness when the offender is not sorry.
1 John 1:9
9 IF WE CONFESS our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Bitterness comes when someone asks us to forgive them and we will not do it. There is no bitterness if the offender is not sorry, there is however a hope that one day through prayer the offender will repent and confess.
If we "forgive" even though someone is not sorry but choose to have no more contact with them that is not the forgiveness of the Bible, it doesn't change anything about the relationship.
The purpose of confession and forgiveness, two sides of the same coin, is to reconcile a relationship. Nothing at all happens when we forgive before there is confession except "feelings" which are basically useless.
Matthew 6:14-15 "14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."
We will not be forgiven if we do not forgive those how have confessed. However we are not required to forgive those who are not repentant. God does not and neither should we, it short cuts the process of a sinful person to learn the consequences of their sin and the brokenness required to be forgiven.
Luke 17:2-4 "…3 Watch yourselves. If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. 4 Even if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times returns to say, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”"
It is clear in the Luke passage that we are to rebuke a sinning brother, and IF he repents forgive him. If he keeps on sinning and comes back each time saying "I REPENT", then we are to forgive him.
We must not short cut God's criteria for forgiveness by the psychological "unconditional forgiveness", we do not see this anywhere in the Word of God.
All those who do not trust in Christ before they die will go to hell because they would not repent and trust Christ. There is no forgiveness for these people. Is God bitter because some unrepentant people will not trust in Him? NO, however God is just!!!!
We are unjust when we forgive someone who is not sorry. We are saying to that unrepentant person that it is alright to treat people disrespectfully and with disregard and they will be forgiven even if they keep doing it over and over again. AND, those who do not confess will continue in their sin over and over because they see that it works for them.
This is the reason the world is growing more evil, even flaunting their sin, because they have been encouraged to believe all is forgiven and nothing has to change in relationships for them to remain.
The culture has been teaching the opposite of God's principles for 60 years now along with the "self esteem" doctrine that encourages people to love themselves above everyone else, which follows that they will love themselves above God.
When people are encouraged to love themselves when they are already born loving themselves too much they will translate the self love into self worship. This is where our culture is today! Few people anymore love others better than themselves, they feel entitled to forgiveness and coddling no matter how wickedly they act.
Philippians 2:2-4 "…2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being united in spirit and purpose. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or empty pride, but in humility consider others more important than yourselves. 4 Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.…"
We live in a world now that believes they are entitled to forgiveness merely for existing even when they have no desire to be sorry or stop their sin. This is what the self esteem doctrine has fostered as well as the "just forgive them" mantra.
Psychology has done more to ruin this world than any other philosophy, its roots come out of Darwinism and Evolution. We must reject this if we are to walk in truth according to God's principles. His ways are healing but satans ways keep people sick in their sin.
1 Corinthians 3:18–19
"18 Let no one deceive himself. If anyone among you thinks that he is wise in this age, let him become a fool that he may become wise. 19 For the wisdom of this world is folly with God. For it is written, “He catches the wise in their craftiness,”
James 4:4
"4 You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God."
1 Corinthians 3:3 "3 for you are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and dissension among you, are you not worldly? Are you not walking in the way of man?"
Psychology is the way of the world not the way of God.
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