A saying I heard recently really resonated with me. I notice that those who have many friends tend to be superficial using much flattery and compliance to ideas they might not otherwise agree with, to maintain those friendships.
When a born again believer is sharing Christ they begin to lose friends. People may still like them but those people will keep their distance. Even acting as if they are afraid of the one who walks with Christ.
Those who are born again connect with one another immediately. They sense the Spirit of God in one another. There is no apprehension or trepidation, only sweet fellowship.
I have met a few people like this in my lifetime, there is no sense that one has to walk on eggshells or that one has to remain silent about what they think to maintain fellowship. Each one is relaxed and genuine, it is truly sweet fellowship. And we find that we agree with one another on almost everything with an occasional and rare exception. When a friend offends their friend they have a desire to make things right, they love their friend too much to let the infraction go, it must be cleared away.
When we disagree we respect one another's right to think their way. We are open and honest but not judgmental about things that are not sin.
Proverbs 18:24 A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who stays closer than a brother."
I have friends like this, I don't get to see them very often but when I do communicate with them it is as if no time had passed from the last time we were together.
Disagreements with friends do not end the friendship it only enhances the discussion. When there is love there is an allowance for differences and personalities. Only hate and contempt brings disrespect over a mere disagreement.
Proverbs 17:17
17 A friend loves at all times,
And a brother is born for adversity.
John 15:12-13
Disciples’ Relation to Each Other
12 “This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.
When we lay down our lives for others we are laying down our right to influence our fiend to our way of thinking, allowing them to be who they are when it is not about sin.
Even when our friend sins we grieve and hope to influence them not to sin, but we do not act in pride and superiority. Our attempts to bring them back to obeying God is out of our deep love for them, not merely to show them how good we are and how wrong they are, it is to rescue them. Narcissists confront people or attempt to shame them in order to elevate themselves, this is not loving, in fact it is devilish.
I once encountered someone who loved to beat down a repenting sinner with words like; "why did you do it." An attitude like this makes no sense when someone is repenting. We ought to be restoring and weeping with the repentant sinner. It is a joy that someone is confessing to be cleansed.
The "Why did you do it?" question is nothing more than beating down a broken heart a little more for the purpose of self-elevation. Someone who does this has to believe they have never sinned or they would understand that someone who is repenting with tears is sincere and ready to live differently.
The one who asks such a foolish question as "why did you do it" lacks good sense. There is only one answer to this foolish question and that is this: "I wanted to do it", what other reason could there be than this?
We sin because we want to do something that is pleasurable to us. Repenting openly demonstrates a desire to be forgiven and cleansed to carry on to greater holiness.
The one who asks "why did you do it" fails to realize that they are violating Scripture in asking the question. Here is what God says about it:
James 1:14-15
"But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin, when it is fully grown, brings forth death."
Galatians 6:1-2 "Carry One Another's Burdens
1 Brothers, if someone is caught in a trespass, you who are spiritual should restore him with a spirit of gentleness. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. 2 Carry one another’s burdens, and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ.…"
Our instructions are to weep with those who weep and restore the broken-hearted by encouraging them they have been forgiven. A friend desires to help a brother up when they fall and walk with them to support them further.
Romans 12:15
"15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep."
Since the narcissist is gleeful that their brother or sister has fallen they do not have love or empathy for their repentance.
The narcissist never admits they ever needed to confess their sin, even though they often sin because of their pride. They see themselves as worthy of worship therefore fully able to condemn a repentant sinner, after all, in their own mind they never were a sinner. Those who think this way cannot be born again. Every person who becomes born again must come broken over their own sinfulness. If they did this then they would understand and be kind and empathetic toward the confessing person.
Those who have repented and wept over their sin were forgiven by God and cleansed. The narcissist was never cleansed, remains in their sin, and cannot be forgiven because they will not confess.
1 John 1:9 "
"9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
Those who are forgiven are those who confess their sin often, and quickly, these people grow in holiness but the narcissist never grows past infancy because their view of self is elevated far above reality. They remain in their sin as long as they remain focused on how bad the others are and how special they are.
Proverbs 28:25-26 "…25 A greedy man stirs up strife, but he who trusts in the LORD will prosper. 26 He who trusts in himself is a fool, but one who walks in wisdom will be safe. "
Those who are trusting in their own goodness while condemning others they think are inferior remain in their sin, perhaps even on their way to hell.
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