The 5 Primary Emotions Of Narcissism

I was raised with a narcissistic family. My mother was the dominant factor in the lives of my family. She taught others to be narcissistic by never disciplining bad behavior, even laughing at it.

I was the scapegoat who didn't like how they acted, so I was picked on for crying or telling them to stop or refusing to act like they did.

They would poke at me to get me to blow up, instead of blowing up I cried, which made them even angrier. They wanted to attack me, if I had blown up they could have accused me of bad behavior. However, since I cried they could not say I did or said something mean so they accused me of being "a big baby", claiming they were just joking.

So instead of being compassionate that I was hurt, they attacked me further by calling me a big baby. So I knew later on in life from this that they intended to hurt me and that it was not a joke. If it had been a joke they would have shown compassion and reassured me as well as apologizing for hurting me.

I loved them but they never loved me. Over a lifetime they have worked to gossip and lie against me to be the bad one when they were the ones who acted wickedly toward me.

I think they wanted me to mess up so they could further stroke their ego as better at the same time causing me to be inferior to them.

Since I could not see this ever changing in our adult years I had to remove myself as much as possible and now my hope is that I will never see them again, except and unless they have been changed in their heart by Christ. I know that someone who is demeaned all the time could never influence them because they would never listen long enough to see their problem or to hear my concerns. In short, it cannot be fixed by dialogue since they refuse to do that. Christ must work in their lives without me.

It would take a word from the Holy Spirit to see change, after 67 years of hate and meanness I have no hope that they will ever change. 2 Timothy 3 speaks of this.

I noticed how the jokes were never encouraging things or happy things, they were always put down and full of hatred. There is much anger in their hearts that cannot be fixed by anyone but Christ. May the Lord do it before the rapture of the church.