Narcissists process information the opposite way their target sees things.
The narcissist will interpret events in terms of how they feel far more often than what really happened.
If we give a gift to a narcissist they will feel guilty for not giving you one so they believe you gave them the gift to make them feel guilty. It is not possible to please a narcissist because all their actions and reactions are filtered through their own perverted sieve.
If the narcissist calls you to invite you on a trip with them and you politely say you cannot go because you have other plans, the narcissist will believe you are being rude and disinterested for not accepting. Why? Because in the narcissist's mind you are in control of whether or not you will go on the trip. The narcissist hates not being in control of others.
If a narcissist hears you try to explain something to help them they will interpret your helpfulness as a bossy power grab. They do this because if they were helping someone in that same way they would be doing it to control and boss others. The narcissist also thinks they know everything, in order to remain in a superior position they must pretend they do not need your help.
When we share our concerns about something that happened with the narcissist they take it as a personal attack because if they were sharing the same thing with us they would be attacking our character or our motives, even though they don't have an inkling of what our character is or our motives.
Narcissists do not pay enough attention to anyone else to be able to know them deeply. Everything they guess about their friends is just that, a guess because we cannot know the heart of others without listening to them, responding to them and above all actually being interested in them as a person.
A narcissist is continually thinking everyone else thinks just the way they do, but it is not true, the narcissist has very strange and disordered thinking to the point that it moves beyond rational and reasonable normal human reactions.
I have seen narcissists blow up in anger at a simple and mild disagreement as though we did not have a right to disagree. For the narcissist, a disagreement is tantamount to hating them. Why? Because when the narcissist disagrees he is also hating. Narcissists are so sensitive that they see everything that is not just like them as opposed to their very being.
Narcissists have black and white as well as extreme thinking. If you agree with the narcissist you are wonderful and their best friend. If you disagree with a narcissist you are a terrible person worthy of disrespect.
One time I gave a gift to a narcissist, they acted almost angry and disinterested in the gift. I thought it was strange until I discerned later after prayer that when the narcissist gives a gift they are doing it to manipulate and control someone else. Because they would be manipulating and controlling others with a gift they think a gift given to them is manipulation and control over them.
Narcissists also do not like giving many gifts because giving a gift if it were genuine would be a form of deferring to another human being, leaving the narcissist vulnerable to the reactions of the person to whom they gave the gift.
Narcissists are not able to see anything beyond their own thinking which is twisted. They interpret events and actions of others in terms of how they personally feel, not the way a normally rational person would act.
When a narcissist is jealous of you they will interpret everything you do in the way they wish to view you, that is mean and hateful. Jealousy is not very rational, it is based on the thinking that says; "if you have something I don't have I hate you for it." It doesn't even matter if you share your blessing with them, they will be jealous that you were the one sharing, they were not the center of attention.
Everyone has a little narcissism in them. However, born-again believers who have the fruit of the Spirit will recognize their sin of jealousy before it becomes words or actions. If they have a weak moment and do something mean or rude they will quickly apologize. A born-again believer hates the sin in their flesh and keeps it at bay through prayer and confession to be cleansed. 1 John 1:9
Born again believers do not live a lifestyle of meanness and contention, they are hard-wired to be kind after Christ changed them into a new creation.
The character of the born-again believer has been completely changed into the mind of Christ. Trapped in this body of sinful flesh the born-again believer fights their flesh constantly through prayer and confession until the ways of Christ become natural for them.
God said "you shall know them by their fruit",
Matthew 7:15-20
You Will Know Them by Their Fruit
15 “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. 16 You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? 17 Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 18 A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. 19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20 Therefore by their fruits you will know them."
Galatians 5:22-23
"22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law."
Those who are born again can discern those who claim to be Christians but do not have the fruit of the Holy Spirit. These things are Spiritually discerned. They cannot be seen by the human eye or by works.
Works can be an indicator but they are not the strong evidence. Even hateful unbelievers can have good works at times. The fruit of the Holy Spirit are the character qualities exhibited by the Spirit Who lives in us.
The full-blown narcissist will never self-reflect to see if there be any wicked way in them. The born-again believer does this continually, every time a wrong attitude rears its ugly head the born-again believer senses shame and immediately confesses it to be cleansed.
1 John 1:9
"9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous, so that He will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
We are cleansed from sin in direct proportions to how often we confess each thing. The more we confess the less we act sinfully.
"We are not sinless but we do sin less", as one preacher once said. We ought to be growing more holy all the time. Each new life experience reveals a little more that needs to be confessed and then cleansed.
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Our difficulties in life do not cause us to be sinful, they reveal the sin that was already inside of us. God allows difficulties to come so that we can see in ourselves what needs work. We do not work to be cleansed in the flesh, we confess to God and He changes our heart.
Have you ever heard of a person who lived a wonderful respectful life, the pillar of the town everyone thought had no sin at all, but who ended up doing something terrible, seemingly out of character? I have known a few of these kinds of people. They had not changed into something brand new when they went off the rails. They went off into sin because in their heart all along was hidden sin no one else could see. They were pretending to be something on the outside for others to see that was not the real them. It reveals a continually impure thought life until the thoughts become action.
If we do not care about sin enough to confess it to God and those we have harmed then He will not cleanse us. He will leave us in our sin to grow worse and worse until we can no longer stand the consequences that ultimately come. When we come to the end of ourselves and are ready to confess asking Christ to change our hearts, then He will do a mighty work in us. We ought to be far different in our character a year from now than we are now.
Ephesians 2:10
"10 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them."
His workmanship, is an important phrase. He is the One Who saves us when we confess our sinfulness and want Him to change us. He sends the Holy Spirit to live in us as a promise that we belong to Him. Then He begins the cleansing process all our lives.
Ephesians 1:13-15 "…13 And in Him, having heard and believed the word of truth—the gospel of your salvation—you were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, 14 who is the pledge of our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession, to the praise of His glory. 15 For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints,…"
The Holy Spirit is the sealing of the promise that we belong to Christ. He will never leave us as God said, but He will discipline us when we become self-willed.
Hebrews 12:5-7 "…5 And you have forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons: “My son, do not take lightly the discipline of the Lord, and do not lose heart when He rebukes you. 6 For the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and He chastises every son He receives.” 7 Endure suffering as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?…"
All discipline God sends for His children has a purpose, that is Spiritual growth and wisdom to be used as He leads. And, even though I cannot point to scripture to prove this next point, I am convinced of it, unless someone else can prove otherwise with scripture.
Here is the other point: I believe everything we learn on this earth, all the lessons God has for us will serve us in the Millennium when we rule with Him.
Now, this is just human logic, but I have to believe all that we learn here will have a purpose beyond just this life. I am convinced this is Bootcamp for training that will be useful in the Millennium. It really does matter how we live our lives here on earth right now.
Romans 8:28
"28 And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."
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