Separating Feelings From Reality

Narcissists cannot separate their feelings from reality. They interpret everything in terms of how they feel rather than in actual evidence.

If something "feels" real then it is real in the mind of the narcissist.

When the narcissist sees an action they interpret it by what they wish to believe about someone rather than the evidence about that person.

Rational people can separate their feelings from reality to be able to evaluate whether or not their feelings fit with the facts. Then the rational person can adjust their beliefs to fit the facts while ignoring their feelings. Also, when a rational person realizes their feelings do not fit with the facts the feelings begin to dissipate because reality does not support them.

One example of this might be when a narcissist thinks someone ought to do something for them. The person they ask politely declines because they have a full schedule and do not have the time to help out.

Because the narcissist feels bad they were turned down they assume the person turned them down because they are mad at them or because they don't like them. See how the feelings drive the interpretation?

If the narcissist took the decline at face value without the involvement of their emotions as a rational person would do, they would accept the decline as nothing more than business that did not allow the person to be able to help.

Entitled people always become angry when they are declined. They believe they deserve whatever they ask for, so like little children they have a tantrum when they are declined as though the person declining did something evil to them.

We see this all the time when a narcissist is jealous of someone. They will declare everything their target does as mean or bad because they hate the accomplishments of their target. There is an intense desire to see the object of their jealousy fail in everything.

This is when the jealous person begins their smear campaign and covert meanness to defame the one for whom they are jealous.

One example of this was the young woman whose husband had secured a good job and was becoming more financially stable. The young woman expressed to her mother that she was excited at the promotion of her husband and thought they would be able to buy a house soon. Sharing the desire of her heart with her mother that she wished to live in a particular neighborhood that was very pretty, the mother declared without hesitation that "I couldn't come and visit you if you lived there."

The jealousy of the mother was so intense that she could not join in the joy of her daughter's desires and possible blessings. She had to do something to ruin the blessing and conversation about her hopes and dreams.

The mother having taken this route with everything the daughter expressed to her mother just could not validate or be happy for her because of her deep abiding jealousy of the daughter.

1 Corinthians "13:4 - Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it his not arrogant."

Philippians 2:3 - "Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves."

James "3:14-15 - But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic."

Psalm 37:1-3 - "Fret not yourself because of evildoers; be not envious of wrongdoers! For they will soon fade like the grass and wither like the green herb. Trust in the LORD, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness."

Notice in the passage James 3, in which God says that jealousy is "demonic."

Nurturing and coddling feelings of jealousy is from the devil. It is one of the feelings the devil uses to motivate people to treat others hatefully.

James 3:16 - "For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice."

Proverbs 14:30 - "A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot."

Reasonable rational people evaluate their feelings in favor of truth, narcissists do not evaluate anything, they simply follow their feelings and camp right there permanently.

Nothing can be resolved with these people, any attempt to explain things according to reason will be met with more outrageous feeling oriented tirade based on lies. Don't even try, just walk away while wishing them a good day and avoid them whenever possible.