For those who are thinking they want to marry. It is vitally important that you agree on what righteousness is and the direction you wish to take in your life before committing to someone.
When one person in the marriage is not concerned about godliness, the children from that union are going to align themselves with the ungodly one.
The reason this is true is because the ungodly one will tend to be lenient and accepting of sin, even not recognizing something as sinful when the children want to participate in things that do not honor God.
When the righteous one says no to the children the unrighteous one will demand that they be allowed, often in front of the children so they learn to despise the righteous one.
When this happens the unrighteous one will frame the demand in terms that negate the righteous one. The unrighteous one might say; "you can't do that because your mother/father says no." This paints the righteous parent as the mean one to be ignored and avoided. The children then remain angry at the parent who sets boundaries while loving the one who is permissive. This tactic of negating a spouse in front of the children turns the children against their righteous parent. It is a tactic of the devil and it is deliberate to be liked by the children.
It is human nature for the children to gravitate toward the permissive parent. It is good sense to realize that children will love those who allow them to do whatever they want, even when it is bad for them. They perceive the permissiveness as love when actually its lack of love and lack concern for the children.
The righteous one cares deeply about the training of the children to learn the ways of God so they have an informed choice about right and wrong when they are the age of accountability.
Permissiveness is not love! Boundaries, guidance and training is love and commanded by God.
Proverbs 22:6
"6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it."
Proverbs 23:13-14
"Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol."
Proverbs 13:24
"Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him."
Children are trained by lack of training. Lack of training encourages them to think they should have everything they want the way they want it. It is training by lack of training.
God's training is teaching them God's principles while disciplining to show the importance of obedience. Children learn to obey God through learning to obey their parents.
If parents are not in agreement in training children God's way then the children will go the way of the world. If only one parent wants to follow Christ, then their training will have little effect.
Proverbs 6:20-21
"My son, keep your father's commandment, and forsake not your mother's teaching. Bind them on your heart always; tie them around your neck."
When two godly people are training their children in sync with one another, each parent will uphold the mandates of the other. There will be little disagreement in the household and the children will see the parents in solidarity, it strengthens the bond between both children and mother and father. Father and mother will be loved and respected equally by the children.
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